1. home
  2. toddler
  3. Expert Panel
  4. Do you have any suggestions how I can get control back?
Avatar Member
Do you have any suggestions how I can get control back?

Hi Sally-Anne, I am a mother of 3 year old twins, at the moment they are extremely naughty. My biggest problem is they are only naughty for me, when ever my family minds them or they are at day care (2 days per week so I can get back to work) they cannot praise them high enough and tell me how well they behaved. Even my husband has more success than me as they listen to him but not me. It is a constant battle and I feel like I have no control over my children who I adore with all my heart, however they are pushing every single button at the moment. Do you have any suggestions how I can get control back. I have a naughty corner which is not working for me, I feel I am constantly fighting and yelling at them.
Help is needed.
Rachel

Sally...
Answer: Hi Rachel, Thanks for contacting me. It sounds like you have two wonderful and energetic children! It is heartening to hear that others find them to be well-behaved, even if that is not how you see them at times. You mention that you feel that you have “no control” over the children and are constantly battling with them. It is understandably quite draining and tiring, and you are probably having some difficulty enjoying your time with them at the moment. My first piece of advice is to take a deep breath and change your approach with them because it does not appear to be working at the moment. One thing that you can do is to start your day in a positive way. When you get up, decide to sit down and have breakfast with the children rather than having to get the dishes done, etc. Interact with them from the beginning of your morning (without feeling rushed and pressured), then make a plan to spend some specific time playing with them at various intervals during the day. Sometimes when children “push our buttons” it is really their way of trying to gain our attention. If they cannot get it in a positive way, then they will just accept it anyway they can (ie. for negative behaviours). So if we make sure that they get our attention from the start, then they do not need to fight with us. And try not to think of it as “control” but rather as mutual respect. If you begin by chatting with them at breakfast time, it sets the tone for the day, and you may not have to use a “naughty corner” (which I would prefer to call “time-out”). Have fun and start with a calm but interactive breakfast tomorrow! All the best! Sally-Anne
Answered: 01 Dec 2007