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  4. hi I have a 5 yr old and 3 yr old my ex and I split just over a yr ago and my boys go every weekend but my 5 yr old always wants his dad he really struggles through the week I let him call when he gets really bad but am lost what to do feeling im very unw
Avatar Vicky...
hi I have a 5 yr old and 3 yr old my ex and I split just over a yr ago and my boys go every weekend but my 5 yr old always wants his dad he really struggles through the week I let him call when he gets really bad but am lost what to do feeling im very unw

looking for help for my boy to deal with seperation

Jane ...
Answer: Hi, This I feel is a question best addressed by a health professional who has expertise in separation issues. Your boy is obviously very close to his dad and although this is, overall, a good thing, it needs to be handled sensitively so that his emotional discomfort does not impact on other aspects of his life such as school etc. To be a little sad when separating is one thing but if he's struggling through the week until they are reunited then this is another. I understand this is pretty hard for you to watch and it can hurt sometimes to feel as parents that we are being overlooked or simply the "minders" until the real parenting begins. But your boy is only doing what is right for him, he's not doing this to be hurtful or spiteful, he probably just doesn't understand the current situation and with time and patience and perseverance things will improve. If possible, sit down with your ex and talk calmly about the situation and without blame develop a plan which prioritises your boys, be mindful that the younger one may be feeling something similar but just can't articulate as clearly as the five year old, the influence of an older sibling can be very powerful. You may all benefit from some family therapy which can be incredibly useful for a short sharp period of time with some clear strategies for goals. Ask your GP for a referral or check with your local community health centre. Best Jane
Answered: 30 Mar 2014