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Lighten things up Rss

Hi ladies!

I think we all need abit of a laugh so lets continue this thread with some of those good old jokes we get coming through the email. After all laughter is the best medicine.


Why women should avoid girls nights out after they are
married...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = (MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time i got in, and I told him 'Midnight' He didn't seem pissed off at all.
Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh s_h_i_t', cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat,
cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

haha

//mez

Mum to Ashleey 4 and Tristan 2 !

I love it!! lmao
I havent got one but that was great.
DH just asked me what i was giggling at, so i had to read it to him.
keep them coming

Freaked2002, 3 girls 07/03 09/05 & 06/07

Another one for you girls tongue

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast
of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale
recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his
father many years earlier. He said to the female whale,
"Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air
holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to
turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough,
the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped
overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away
and said to the female, "lets swim after them and gobble
them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was
becoming reluctant to follow him.
"What's the matter darling?"
"Look love," she said,
"I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the
seamen.

//mez

Mum to Ashleey 4 and Tristan 2 !

Post deleted by administrator.
I love the cuckoo one LMAO

<p><br>http://www.poqbu

come on ladies.... anymore??

Mum to Ashleey 4 and Tristan 2 !

I dont have any, but Im enjoying yours. LOL
MAKING A BABY...

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased w ith the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally! , when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.........
My advance apologises to all our lovely Kiwi Mum's wink

THE TUNNEL

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.

thanks for the laughs girls

Not Your Regular Blonde Joke

A man and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long airplane flight.

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The man persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention, and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The man asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the man.

Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks the man, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The man uses his laptop to search all references. He uses the Air-Phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all of the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The man is going nuts not knowing the answer. Frustrated, he wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the man $5 and goes back to sleep.


//mez


Mum to Ashleey 4 and Tristan 2 !

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