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  5. Please help, 38 years old, fourth pregnancy!? To keep our gift or not?

Please help, 38 years old, fourth pregnancy!? To keep our gift or not? Lock Rss

Hi there, I feel quite selfish writing on here but I am just so confused, overwhelmed and distressed. I am 38 years old, my husband is 43 & we have 3 beautiful children ages 7, 5 & 2. Our fist born (7 year old) is quite challenging & we are trying to help him with his behaviour at the moment. My husband is just beginning his career as a junior doctor. He is an intern which means he is required to do quite long hours. We live away from all of our family & are new to our area so do not have any support. I have however raised our 3 in the same situation & we coped. But I am just unsure about whether or not we would cope with a fourth. My husband & I were content with our 3 but I just could not convince him to have a vasectomy as yet. He will be having one now regardless! He is very supportive & will support which ever decision I make. I just don't feel like I can go through with a termination, but just keep thinking it might be the wisest decision for our family. I know once we had the baby everyone would love it & we would be fine but..... I kind of wanted to get back to my teaching career after 7 years as a stay at home mother. I felt like my life was returning & we were making plans for me to start getting back to work. I also worry about what people will think, that crazy mother with 4 kids always on her own! I wish I could be brave & keep our family the way it is, but I just don't know if I can? Any comments you have time to leave would be so greatly appreciated I am so lost at the moment xx
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Keep it. No doubt about that in my mind. If you have any doubt in your mind about terminating then don't do it. Keep the baby. You will cope, sounds like you cope well now. You'll be an expert by the time the 4th one arrives!


Sorry to hear about how difficult this is for you. I've never been in the same situation but my gut feeling is go with what your heart tells you. Your brain will always be able to tell you what is the logical/sensible thing to do but it doesn't mean that's what is right for you. I don't think anyone will be able to tell you the right answer (including yourself) so go with what your heart says to do.

If you're not sure what you want to do maybe its a good idea to speak to your GP or a counsellor or someone to try to help you think things through.

Hope that helps....
Thank you so very much for listening, caring & giving your warm advice makalu & Pixie Chick. Sounds as if you know me! I do feel calmer going with my heart but I just wonder, if for the first time in my life, I shouldn't just be so strong & make the hard decision for me & my families sake? I am worried though, that the impact of ending this pregnancy will make me feel so mean & that I will never feel like the warm hearted, caring mother, wife & friend I feel I am today....
Keep the baby. Do you remember your kids little faces when they were babies? How could you cope with terminating the beautiful lil baby, you will probably regret it if you do. I used to be pro abortion before I had my own kids justifying that decision by saying its the woman's body her choice and so on, but now I have 2 gorgeous boys 6 and 3 months and I'm so in love with them I couldn't bear to terminate if I fell pregnant again accidentally too soon. I would just keep him/her. In the end it is your choice, but I urge you to keep your baby. There's nothing sadder to me than terminating a little ones life. Like you say in your title, a baby is a gift, cherish it. Good luck with your decision.

I'm not in your situation so I honestly don't know how I'd feel about it, but I always say to trust what your heart tells you. Your gut feeling is 99% of the time, the right thing to do.
Hello, i see that I'm answering this question late. But I was wondering what you decided to do? And, how are you going? I hope all is well either way smile
Hi there 97nc. We decided to keep our baby. I am now 17 weeks. It felt like the hardest decision I have ever had to make but in the end was not so hard (after weeks of turmoil). I always felt this pregnancy was a gift but worried how we would cope. I know now we will cope beautifully, our other children & my husband are so excited. I now have deep compassion for anyone faced with this difficult decision & feel like in our hearts we know what the right decision is for us. No one else can really tell you what you should do. Whichever decision you make will be the right one for you. The councillors on a helpline I spoke with were amazing & helped me through when I was completely overwhelmed. Best of luck anyone reading this. We will be a crazy, busy family but I am ready & I can't wait to meet our precious number 4.
I got pregnant with twins to my ex when I was 21 and at first was totally freaked out because we had no savings and weren't sure if we were ready for kids. My ex freaked out and refused to talk about my pregnancy at all unless it was about getting an abortion. His mother was on his side and they told me that I shouldn't tell my family (who all lived in a different state) because they will convince me to make the 'wrong' decision. My ex ended up calling the clinic and making the appointment for me and I went to get the procedure done, the whole time I hoped he would call and tell me that he'd changed his mind. That should have been a sign to me that I was making the wrong decision but I was young and he made me feel like I would be a bad mother if I kept them. sad My biggest regret is letting myself be bullied into that situation, especially as I had decided I wanted to keep them. My point is that it has to be 100% your decision (and you are not selfish for considering it at all) Take the time you need to make your decision but make sure it is one that you won't regret. I have a friend who has 4 children and she is a fantastic mother. It's tough at times but she manages. We are amazingly adaptable and can cope with a lot more than we realize. I have no doubt that you will love this fourth child as much as you love your others but if you feel like it isn't the right thing to do then don't let anybody else's opinion sway your decision.
Oh I'm sorry, I just read your last post. Congratulations and I hope everything goes well for you all. grin X
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