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Kids going to live with father Rss

Hi all,

I have something I've been struggling with for the last 12-18 months and I need some advice. Please note I already feel like a bad mother and a shitty person for having these thoughts.
I have 2 kids 7 and 3 I love them to the ends of the earth would do anything for them. Since 2012 I have been a single mum. I left their dad and moved from Sydney back to my home town. Their father had seen them for a total of 5 weeks in the last 2 yrs and 2 of those 5 weeks I have been with them. I was young when I had them both 19 and 24 so didn't get any time for me. For the last 18 months I have been thinking I would love for them to go live with their father. I would love to be able to get a job ( small mining town so it's long hours etc) finish studying so I can provide long term for my kids in a couple of years. I would love to travel even go on a holiday alone for a week even In aus. I know it may sound selfish and it prob is but I can't do anything job or study wise because I have no one for my kids and I don't want to be on centrelink the rest of my life.
Some advice would be great for mums or dads that have done this or people who understand.

1st baby due start of sep

I'm thinking with this issue, what if he doesn't give them back after you feel like you are more stable etc? I completely understand the trap of being a single mother in Australia; it is disgusting that there is not more in place to help people in situations like you. Why do you deserve any less and why do you deserve less stability, just because you happen to be single and caring for your kids? This issue makes me so upset, I am so sorry you are in that position.

Maybe talk to a lawyer about your plans and what you want for your future with the kids? You could look potentially into getting a nanny when your youngest is at school, as another potential option?

I commend you for being able to admit your feelings and write them down.
But I have to ask, does this have anything to do with your boyfriend not wanting to move in with the kids? That has to have been a hard thing to hear.

At the end of the day the best advice I have is to speak to a lawyer and if you go ahead get it officially done so there is no going back on it on his part and you get the kids back. Remember that a day in a 3 years life feels like a lifetime for them. They will change so much living with their dad and could come back to you as different kids.

I wish you the best of luck.
Thankyou all! 80s baby moving back to Sydney is not an option I can't afford it my family is here what I ment by not having anyone for the kids here is that my parents work shift work and my brothers are at school stil. Etc. I have no one in Sydney. I completely understand it's a huge decision. I have been thinking about it before I met my boyfriend so it has nothing to do with him mummalove. I knew after I posted it would come across like that. My son has been asking to move there which makes me sad because I think hes not happy here! Windmill your right it is very had for single mothers wishing to study and work. I think if their dad lived closer it would be ok because he could have them every second week. I just don't know.

1st baby due start of sep

sory if i sound harsh but this is one of those situatins were you been to just take a deep breath and suck it up.

just because you have a feeling of wanting freedom to do your own thing and pursue goals it doesn't mean you have to neglect your role as a mother and just hand them to their father and then when you are ready just get them back. i personally think that you can achieve your goals while still caring for your kids and upholding your responsibilities.

there are options if you think hard enough, it won't be easy, but it is doable. i'm studying, doing voluneer work plus all the household stuff as well as all the school stuff too. i'll be honest with you and say there are some days were i feel like running away and being on my own or going on a holiday but this is my life now and i'm going to stick with it and soon enough it will change.

good luck

The day i broke up with normal was the first day of my magical life...

I'm not sure how things work in oz, but here from 3 till school age kids get 20 hours free in childcare a week, if it's the same over there, could you use these hours and study correspondence while your 3 year old is at kindy?
I'm sorry yr feeling like this, it must be horrible.
Have you looked at doing in home childcare yourself? A friend of mine did this when she just had her youngest at home and she actually made a really good wage.







SunMoonStars wrote:
sory if i sound harsh but this is one of those situatins were you been to just take a deep breath and suck it up.

just because you have a feeling of wanting freedom to do your own thing and pursue goals it doesn't mean you have to neglect your role as a mother and just hand them to their father and then when you are ready just get them back. i personally think that you can achieve your goals while still caring for your kids and upholding your responsibilities.

there are options if you think hard enough, it won't be easy, but it is doable. i'm studying, doing voluneer work plus all the household stuff as well as all the school stuff too. i'll be honest with you and say there are some days were i feel like running away and being on my own or going on a holiday but this is my life now and i'm going to stick with it and soon enough it will change.

good luck


Thanks not harsh at all. I understand the responsibility I have to these kids. The option I have of work at the moment is FIFO 8 on 6 off 12 hrs so I thought about doing that getting some money behind me to be able to provide for my children and not rely on centerlink.

1st baby due start of sep

if you want to do this, bear in mind when you have travelled, worked, found yourself etc, you cant expect their father to just hand them back full time. You would be the 'left out' parent, the one who sees them occasionally and pays child support. Is this what you really want?

Aka G&L smile

I feel for you I really do, as a single mum I can't imagine how hard things must be. However you chose to have children whether planned or not, at the time I am sure you believed you guys would be together but I don't understand how you could be planning to leave them. I'm not trying to be judgmental & I am trying to see it from another angle but I just don't get it. Not saying you are depressed but do you think that maybe you might be? Hope you get some help or helpful answers as I really don't know what to say - sorry smile
I agree with SunMoonStars on this one.

I would rather have a few more years of relying on centrelink than not seeing my kids on a regular basis. Surely there are small casual jobs going in your town that you could go for? Cafe? Supermarket?

Also why not advertise for someone in the town - perhaps a child care worker - to look after the kids when you work, surely there'd be someone who could help out.

Do you really want to just basically send your kids away? How would they understand? They would think they have done something wrong sad This is really pulling at my heart strings sad

Also getting your children back wouldn't just be that simple. How do you know their father would give them back anyway?
Sorry if I sound harsh but you are their mum, their whole world! Your 7 year old probably does not quite grasp the meaning of going to live with their dad, even though they say it, the permanent side of it is not fully developed in kids like it is adults.



*Charlie*&*Boots* wrote:
I agree with SunMoonStars on this one.

I would rather have a few more years of relying on centrelink than not seeing my kids on a regular basis. Surely there are small casual jobs going in your town that you could go for? Cafe? Supermarket?

Also why not advertise for someone in the town - perhaps a child care worker - to look after the kids when you work, surely there'd be someone who could help out.

Do you really want to just basically send your kids away? How would they understand? They would think they have done something wrong sad This is really pulling at my heart strings sad

Also getting your children back wouldn't just be that simple. How do you know their father would give them back anyway?
Sorry if I sound harsh but you are their mum, their whole world! Your 7 year old probably does not quite grasp the meaning of going to live with their dad, even though they say it, the permanent side of it is not fully developed in kids like it is adults.


+1



I think there is a lot of great advice here and that you're not at a dead end, you could definitely make this work in everyone's best interests.
I just wanted to add that whilst the idea of having the kids go to their dad might seem appealing now, I think after they're gone and reality sinks in that you've sent your babies away you would deeply, deeply regret it.
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