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  5. What do you think of this? Gender disappointment...

What do you think of this? Gender disappointment... Rss

So I was watching a program on TV last week about women who were dealing with severe gender disappointment. In the show, they featured 4 women, all who had several boys and desperately wanted a girl. One lady had 8 boys and was trying for a 9th baby and the other 3 women had 4 boys - one tried naturally for a 5th and got another boy, one tried gender selection overseas and got twin girls and the other tried gender selection but didn't get pregnant again. One of the women went as far to say that for her, the disappointment of not having a girl was exactly the same as not being able to get pregnant at all, which to be honest, I found to be quite offensive, but at the same time, she obviously felt very strongly about wanting a daughter. So just for a discussion, what are your thoughts about gender disappointment? Did you experience it and how did you deal with it? The other thing is that all of these women were so open with their other kids about their disappointment in not having a girl - do you think it is ok to discuss this with children?




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I've never been in this situation before, but I can't imagine ever wanting a specific gender more than the actual baby (does that make sense?).
I think it's very wrong, to openly discuss and show their disappointment with their kids - that's just awful, they should be showing them that everyone in this world is special and every baby born is an absolute miracle!
i dont think its right to talk about it in front of children. its like saying to them that they didnt want them but now they are just stuck with them so we will keep trying to have another baby who hopefully be a girl and we will give all our love to her.

my DH friends mum had 4 boys and then a girl. she kept trying until she had her girl. she treated all the boys differently to the girl and the boys felt left out while the girl was treated like the favourite and always got what she wanted.

i originally was upset when we found out we were having a boy. DH and all our family and friends and me all thought we were going to have a girl. so i think i just got used to the fact that we were having a boy and was a bit shocked. i was so upset and was reading online that its just mourning a baby girl that was never there if that makes sense. anyway i went shopping for boys stuff and after a week i was super excited about having a boy. as long as my bubba turned out healthy it was no big deal.





I haven't had this issue, but I kind of have an understanding of how it can affect people.

Gender disappointment is much deeper then just wanting one more then the other. For some people they have had really negative experiences with one gender. For one woman they may have been a rape victim and can't comprehend having to raise a boy/man. Another may have had a terrible relationship with their mother for example. Some people are scarred significantly due to personal experiences and certain things to do with that gender can be triggering. To then have a little person of that gender totally dependent on you, you would have to face those demons everyday. They are quite extreme examples, but I certainly know many people who have experienced something to that effect.

Another part of it is when people have a certain life built up ahead of them, the gender of their baby may significantly alter the life they had envisaged. for example, if someone is thinking their life is full of taking their girls shopping and doing ballet lessons and getting ears pierced and they have a boy, not only do they have to deal with the loss of their fantasy, but also the fear of what they believe their life will become eg. they may think it will all be about monster trucks, football etc (please forgive the extremely sexist example.... )

I don't think its something that a kid needs to know about. But I don't think its superficial and the people who feel this way need a lot of help to identify and work through their issues. They need a lot of support and shouldn't be made to feel ashamed. I think that rather then focusing on getting the sex they are after though, the efforts should be more toward supporting them to get help with their issues in the first place.
Little Miss's wrote:
I think if you can't be happy with what you get then you shouldn't try at all.


i think sometimes people can freak out once they are pregnant or once they find out the sex. The thing about raising children is it can drudge up all sorts of issues from your childhood. Sometimes they aren't triggered until they are in the situation.
I really hate this topic.
What happens when they get the girl? Is she the princess and the boys are suddenly cinderellas?

I think you have mental issues if you are THAT obsessed with gender.

I despise scientific interference with pregnancy where not needed ie. Eye colour, gender and hair colour selection.

I think its appalling that the parents would share with their children hoe disappointed they are. How would that make the kids feel about himself? "i must not be good enough because im not a girl"? How would they feel about their new sibling? They should be excited about a new sibling but instead are they sharing their parents disappointment?

Is each new arrival treated well with parents who are so disappointed? Is there a precedent set from birth in the parents subconscious that this child is not good enough?


Nope the whole thing is shit




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

I think you get what you are given and that is what you are meant to have. We have 2 beautiful little boys that i love to pieces and we plan to have 1 or 2 more but certainly not to have a daughter. We choose to have children because we want children not because we want a particular sex.
It drove me nuts when ds2 were born and people actually said to us oh you must be so disappointed. No I wasnt disappointed, I was absolutely blessed to have a beautiful healthy baby boy!
I shudder to think what emotional damage those women have done to their precious boys through their complete and utter selfishness. Makes me cross to say the least!



I'm in agreeance with you all. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with feeling SOME disappointment at not getting a particular gender, but I do think it's wrong to firstly discuss it with your other children and I don't agree with trying for another child purely in the vain hope of getting that gender. These mums seem to have got themself so wrapped up in just want pink and pretty that they forgot how fortunate they were to have a house full of healthy strong happy children. It was like an obsession for them. I did feel for the mum of 8 boys though, because she had actually had a daughter before the 8 boys who had a congenital abnormality and did not survive

I can't wait to have another BABY... don't care what it is though!




Follow my blog "Bed Rest for Baby" at http://www.babysteps1804.wordpress.com

It personally upsets me to hear of things like this. My feelings are probably skewed after our son was born sleeping in October last year, but I've always believed it should be the fact that the baby is healthy that counts. We have 2 girls and when we fell with Alexander I was not fazed if it was another girl, we wanted to add another baby to our family, that was all, we've already been asked when we try again if we will try for a boy and my answer is no, as long as the baby is placed in my arms healthy, I will be happy.
I agree with little miss...it's 50/50 unless you get medical intervention, so if you are adamant on one sex only, you should not be having another one.
Imagine that child growing up and the older kids telling it that mum said she didn't want you cos you came out the wrong gender.....wouldn't be a nice thing.
Hmmm, I dont know. I guess I understand people having a 'dream family' in their heads and imagining life like that and then if they things dont turn out like that they are disappointed. BUT I also think these are not material things they are babies and if you are so, so set on one gender you should seriously think about whether to go ahead and get pregnant in the first place because obviously it could go either way. I also think gender disappointment is an extremely selfish thing as the baby didnt ask to be conceived the parents conceived it, most times knowingly, and then to be disappointed in this baby due to whats between its legs is just selfish and horrible and unfair to the poor little baby. Being disapointed in someone YOU made that you dont even know yet, just seems awful sad As for discussing it with existing children who are the 'wrong gender'- disgraceful.
*misskel* wrote:
Hmmm, I dont know. I guess I understand people having a 'dream family' in their heads and imagining life like that and then if they things dont turn out like that they are disappointed. BUT I also think these are not material things they are babies and if you are so, so set on one gender you should seriously think about whether to go ahead and get pregnant in the first place because obviously it could go either way. I also think gender disappointment is an extremely selfish thing as the baby didnt ask to be conceived the parents conceived it, most times knowingly, and then to be disappointed in this baby due to whats between its legs is just selfish and horrible and unfair to the poor little baby. Being disapointed in someone YOU made that you dont even know yet, just seems awful sad As for discussing it with existing children who are the 'wrong gender'- disgraceful.


+1




Follow my blog "Bed Rest for Baby" at http://www.babysteps1804.wordpress.com

Also i hate it when people say "oh good you've got one of each now you don't need any more." Yeh like that freaking matters!

You know sometimes i want to throw out a couple more kids just to spite the idiots who say that.




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

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