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Feeling alone. Looking for other mums who have been in similar situations Lock Rss

I'm only looking for people to talk to, I don't need any negative comments please. This may be hard for some people to read, it's about not having kids living with me.

I have 4 children, all boys, and separated with their father earlier this year. Alot happened and ex took the 3 oldest boys from me and I had to leave the house with my youngest and stay with some friends. I now have a place for the both of us.
I want all my kids with me but so does he and keeps blaming me for splitting the kids up and wants me to hand over the youngest, I've told him I'm not going to consider this while he is already making it hard for me to see the other ones. I tried to start mediation but he refused it before giving it a go. I'm now seeing a lawyer through legal aid and we have to try mediation again. I really don't want to go through the whole court process, I don't want to put the kids through that and to be honest I don't think I could handle it myself, I have no family around me (mum died 16 years ago dad last year) and I don't really have any friends either so I am feeling very alone and don't have any support from anyone, that's why I've decided to come on here and see if there is anyone else in a similar situation that I can just talk to.

Has anyone made the choice themselves where the children live with the father? What made you do that and how did you cope with that decision and not having them around all the time?

And if there are any mums where the court has decided that the kids live with dad, how did you cope?

I am feeling really alone and confused and whatever decision I think about doing is going to hurt me

Hi hun,
I havnt experienced your situation but just wanted to let you know you're in the right place for a chat. Sound like you've been through heaps and still have more to come yet... and it all sounds really hard. I can't imagine being without my kids. sad

Big hugs Xx

I have a 6 year old DS who lives with his dad (in SA, I'm in Tas). I left. I was mentally pretty messed up at the time (post natal depression). I stand no chance of ever getting him back. I didn't want to leave him there. My family and friends (I needed support and love and help) were is Tas, but DS1 was born in SA, so I wasn't allowed to leave the state with him without his fathers permission - which was never going to happen. I had to make the choice to leave my son and stand a chance at a life, or stay there and probably kill myself. It was a last ditch effort at getting better.

I know it's not really the same as your situation. I chose not to fight to have my son with me, simply because I didn't want to put DS1 through that. SA was the only home he'd ever known. Ex was a right pr!ck of a partner, but as a father he provides well and loves his son. He wasn't at risk of harm, and was in a place he felt loved and safe.
Add to that the fact that in order to pursue any legal proceedings, I would have had to go through the courts in SA, which was impossible as I couldn't afford to travel.

I left when DS1 was 22 months old, he turns 6 on Saturday. I've seen him 4 times in that time.

I get judged because of it. People assume I must be the most awful person. And they stupid obvious things like "Do you miss him??!!", ummmmm, duh.
It's not easy. It hurts every day. Mothers day and xmas are the worst for me. I hate hearing about how lovely everyone else's times were, how special it all was bla bla bla.

Lots of tears that no one else sees nor would understand.

And yes, whatever way it goes, YOU are the one who takes the impact of the pain, and hides it for later so your kids don't need to see or feel it too much. And yes, it's a lonely situation to be in, because it's not the 'normal' thing.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat smile

I can only imagine how difficult this must be, I would just add perhaps you could talk to a counsellor, under a mental health care plan (see your GP) medicare refunds you the majority.
all the best.
I'm trying to reply to your PM, but it just will not send angry
I've saved it and will try again tomorrow (if I can't get it to work in the next 10 minutes that is).
I'm sorry that you are going threw this.

I don't know what you are going threw but you need to talk to someone who can help you.

When you go & talk to someone it will take time but you will get there and whenever you need to talk come on here & talk i'm sure someone will be on willing to listen to you & give you advice.

I'm trying to reply to your PM, but it just will not send angry
I've saved it and will try again tomorrow (if I can't get it to work in the next 10 minutes that is).

Right, how ridiculous! lol. Now you've got half a message, and it wont let me send anymore no matter how small I make it.
Geeez Huggies, you wouldn't want to leave people without support in their time of need!!
So yeah, it's half a reply. I'll try again in the morning <img src='<#EMO_DIR#>/dry.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='<_<' />
Hi I have 5 kids two live with my ex husband. After the birth of my 2nd daughter i was put in hospital for depression when i got out i tried to make it work but i couldnt. So i decieded to leave but i didnt take my girls with me i had no family no friends and no where to go and i didnt want to put my 2yr old and 5mth old thru that. He did make it hard for me i couldnt see them for 3mths and that was the hardest thing i had to do. We did go to court and yes he was granted custody of them. At first i had to have supervised visits to them at my sisters or mums then about a year later he said i could have them at my own house. I had a new partner then we have had 3 kids together now its been 14yrs they still live with him but i see them every second weekend and half the holidays when they were younger i had to deal with him i had to go to mediation a couple of times because we would still fight but now that the oldest is 16 she is the one that organises everything. It is hard not having them with me everyday for the first time ever i actually get both of them on their birthdays and that is very special for me. Their half brother and sisters love them very much and they dont think of themselves has half siblings. We have a very close relationship it is hard and i still do cry sometimes but it can work. If you live close together maybe you can work out a 50/50 custody. I live a hour away that is why i only get every second weekend and half holiday i hope i have helped somehow good luck.

the courts will always side with the mother unless she is proven to be an unfit parent.

This is actually not true hun.. it used to be that way, but the courts now make the decision based on what is in the best interest of the children. Both parents are considered, and the wishes of the children are considered. The likely outcome from going to court is that they would stay with their father as they don't like to uproot children from their usual place of residence. They also don't look favourably when a parent moves away from the children. It's unfortunate for the op here but that's how it is.

Hi there first off all I can't even imagine being in your position it would be so hard and emotional and I really hope everything works out for you smile and yes this is def the place to meet some new friends and have a chat smile and anytime you need to tlk I'm all ears smile
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