Huggies Forum

Just Curious... Lock Rss

Ok I was having a chat with a work friend yesterday who is expecting a baby next month and she has just left her DP due to lack of support and emotional abuse.

So more to the point- Why is it expected that in most break ups the mother will be the sole carer of the child?

I am well aware of so many fantastic fathers who have their children more than every second weekend and so on but my GF has asked the EX to be the main carer of their child when he is 6 months so that she can follow her career path. (It was he that pushed her to have a baby she has never wanted kids.) But his responce was "hell no ill have him every second weekend like every other single dad"

Its just so annoying how ignorant some people can be... Im just rambling because im bored smile
I'm not sure that that is always the case at all ...

In a situation where both parents want care of the child and the courts have to get involved, then joint custody is usually awarded on the basis of the child spending exactly equal amounts of time with each parent, as this is perceived to be in the best interests of the child. It isn't always practical to do, for example if the parents live too far away from each other, or if one parent has an illness or a disability or something that might prevent them from caring for the child, but time is shared equally as far as possible.

In the case of a young baby, of course, there may be situations which require it to stay with the mother the majority of the time, for example if it is being breastfed.

I feel real sorry for the kid in this situation, obviously neither parent wants it, and that's extremely sad. Most parents who break up are fighting over who gets the kid, not who doesn't get it ...
I don't really know the answer to your question but without sounding rude, why would your friend want to put their child into the full time care of a man that is emotionally abusive and not supportive?

Mothers are generally more nurturing and have a closer bond to their children from pregnancy and childbirth than fathers do I guess. I know I wouldn't want anyone else taking over the full time car of my baby at 6 months, even if it was my DH, because I would miss them way too much. Not to say some people don't do that, it's just my perception.
I know plenty of dads who have full time custody of their kids because the mother decided at some stage they didn't want to be a mum. There are plenty of dads who do step up, on the other hand there are plenty who don't want to be the full time carer. My husband loves our the kids, and god forbid if anything happened to me he would step up, but if we separated I know he would think the kids are better off predominantly living with me.

As for your friend, I don't think she should make too many grand plans yet. I was a career girl when We unexpectantly fell pregnant with ds1. Whilst pregnant I was going back to work full time and he was going to go to full time daycare at 3 mths old so I could continue my career .... He is 7 now and has never set foot in daycare lol Once I had him in my arms I wasn't prepared for how much he took hold of me and how I felt like my left leg was gone if he was away from me even for 10 minutes wink career became the bottom of my priorities.
If she doesn't want children and he doesn't want to be a Dad (or is going to be an emotionally abusive one) perhaps they should investigate the option of adoption????

Ok I was having a chat with a work friend yesterday who is expecting a baby next month and she has just left her DP due to lack of support and emotional abuse.

So more to the point- Why is it expected that in most break ups the mother will be the sole carer of the child?

I am well aware of so many fantastic fathers who have their children more than every second weekend and so on but my GF has asked the EX to be the main carer of their child when he is 6 months so that she can follow her career path. (It was he that pushed her to have a baby she has never wanted kids.) But his responce was "hell no ill have him every second weekend like every other single dad"

Its just so annoying how ignorant some people can be... Im just rambling because im bored smile


Not sure I've read this right, she wants her emotionally abusive ex to be sole carer of their baby once its six months and he doesnt want the child? If so she's just as bad as the father and neither deserve the baby.
I don't know how many times I've heard a woman say after a break up that the man was somehow abusive. I no longer listen to one sided stories when its obvious that the couple did actually have many happy years together.

I also know of dads who take on being the sole parent. These days its not as common as it used to be for the mum to be the custodian. It used to be that the woman was granted sole custody of the children purely because it was thought to be better for the woman to have them. Its now based on what's in the best interest of the children. We have a family friend who was granted sole custody of his 3 children when his ex wife tried to take him to court to take the kids away from him. she had left him and taken off for 6 months without thought for her kids and he'd cared for them by himself til she decided she wanted them. The courts wernt happy to uprooted then from where they'd lived their whole lives and didn't look favourably on her leaving them.

Obviously it depends on individual circumstance as to how it pans out.

I know my hubby would fight for our kids and he'd do a great job of raising them if i wernt around.




I agree with all of you... There is no way i would be leaving my son with this guy especially fulltime so I can concentrate on my career. I have suggested she leave any plans and decide once she has had the baby... I myself know that nothing compares to the feeling of holding your own child in your arms.

I have suggested adoption, the poor little guy would be much better in a family that loves him and cares for and (sad to say) WANTS him...

I was mainly asking because when i asked her about it she asked me "why are mothers expected to have the child and not the fathers" I know myself I wouldnt have it any other way but then each person has different beliefs and opions

But thank you all for replying I will be showing this to her she realises I am not the only one that thinks this...
hi I just stumbled apon this thread and thought Id put my two cents in I dont necessarily (sorry terrible spelling lol) think because someone is not a good partner means they cant be a great parent.I do understand what its like to be pressured into having a baby though,I personally never wanted children and now I have my son I love him to peices and have only left him with his dad for no longer than an hour on two occasions.Its easy to have grand plans before you have your baby but you will most lokely find when hes here your feelings may change.You should not have to do it on your own especially being his grand idea I take it you dont want to adopt as you want your baby for six months,but sometimes thats the way the cookie crumbles youl do a great job and if hes not interested all that much his loss.His feelings will probley change when the baby is here.Sorry just realised you were talking about your friend I wish her all the best
Sign in to follow this topic