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Want to get married to have same surname as partner and children Rss

Hi Everyone,

I have been with my partner for almost 6years now, we have two little boys together and are about to buy our first home. We have a good relationship, Though my partner just does not want to get married ! I really want to, not to have the hype but just to be "husband and wife" ! But as much as I try to persude him he just wont budge, its not like we couldnt afford it or anything.. I am actually (though this might sound petty) getting sick of been called Mrs .... (my partners last name), and I think that we are a family now and it is the right thing to do... I have tried to get him to do the whole wedding big thing, I have tried to get him to agree to elope THEN i said well what about just at the courthouse and get it legal and still its a NO !
Now I am just thinking of changing my last name through births deaths and marraiges, just so I have the same last name.. but I dunno its just nto the same as been "married" !!! What should i do sad I have been wanting this since we had our first son, he propsed to be 4yrs ago today.. and yep.. still waiting sad

sad thats rough.

why did he propose?

sad thats rough.

why did he propose?


Umm, I dont know, he said it still means something, but to me, if you propose you get married... and like i said we have a family and things are great.. think its time for the next step

i am in the same boat i just had my son he has the fathers last name. I want to change mine he doesn't believe in marriage as he sees it as a christian/religious thing and it doesn't hold any weight. I also dont but at the same time in 10 years do i really want to call him just my partner.

The medium ground is that because i need a new passport but wont need it till i go overseas or we get a house together so its just easier so im keeping mine till then even then im thinking ill just hyphenate through deedpol.

Its tricky my man wont budge either even just for the sake of having the last name i explained to my man that i felt left out of our new family or wasnt good enough to have the same last name as my son. maybe he doesnt realise its singling you out
I agree. It would make sense if he hadn't proposed....

Has he said why he doesn't want to?

Obviously you can't make him and its not something you would want to do anyway....

Whats your plan if he decides he actually doesn't want to marry at all?
People do propose but come on really there are more important things in life then bring married.

The fact alone that you have had children together its an uncontracted life time commitment for the two of you, not only to your children, but to eachother.

Also After so long together, I think you can use his surname regardless, under defacto laws.

The more you push on the issue, the more you will push him away from the idea.

Sorry its probably not wat u are wanting to hear.

People do propose but come on really there are more important things in life then bring married.

The fact alone that you have had children together its an uncontracted life time commitment for the two of you, not only to your children, but to eachother.

Also After so long together, I think you can use his surname regardless, under defacto laws.

The more you push on the issue, the more you will push him away from the idea.

Sorry its probably not wat u are wanting to hear.


Of course there are more important things then whether or not you are married. However its obviously important to the OP and her partner obviously felt it was important enough which is why he proposed. A proposal is a commitment to get married..... Given that he proposed 4 years ago when they were only 2 years into the relationship if he had said then that he never had any intention of getting married then the OP would have had the information then to decide how important it was to her. But to commit to getting married, then have kids etc and then pull back on the original commitment....well I find it a little disrespectful.

In regards to having the same name as him, you could change the kids last name to yours instead. I know its not traditional, but it means at least the kids will have the same name as you.

Hi Everyone,

I have been with my partner for almost 6years now, we have two little boys together and are about to buy our first home. We have a good relationship, Though my partner just does not want to get married ! I really want to, not to have the hype but just to be "husband and wife" ! But as much as I try to persude him he just wont budge, its not like we couldnt afford it or anything.. I am actually (though this might sound petty) getting sick of been called Mrs .... (my partners last name), and I think that we are a family now and it is the right thing to do... I have tried to get him to do the whole wedding big thing, I have tried to get him to agree to elope THEN i said well what about just at the courthouse and get it legal and still its a NO !
Now I am just thinking of changing my last name through births deaths and marraiges, just so I have the same last name.. but I dunno its just nto the same as been "married" !!! What should i do sad I have been wanting this since we had our first son, he propsed to be 4yrs ago today.. and yep.. still waiting sad


For me I'd be thinking he's still keeping one foot out the door... I'd be wanting to know WHY he doesnt want to marry you. I wouldnt change my name via BDM, if he doesnt want to commit - where does that leave you in future. Its not just about him, its about what's important to you too.
Just an idea - you could change kids last name to the same as yours, and then if your partner wants to, he can change his name to yours?

I realise that this is pretty non conventional.

My kids and I have the same surname and my partner will be changing his name to this surname.

It is kind of unfair that you are the odd one out with your surname not matching your family's when that is what you want. I find that inconsiderate in itself (on his part).

As for the marriage - well, he knows how much you want to get married, you have kids together, you are in a de-facto relationship together, he already proposed - I think he should explain himself to you.
i know many people have the view that marriage is just a piece of paper and " we are so happy now why would we change it" ect ect but i really love being married to my husband.

i love being able to say "my husband" and have the same name as him and my kids. i love feeling like we are a total family unit and provided we continue to work hard and love and respect each other we are showing our children how wonderful the commitment of marriage can be. we had a civil ceremony as neither of us are religious and we already had our son so we got to personalise it and make it really us. we had a ball with all our family and friends and i dont regret it at all.

my husband was quite hesitant to get married for a long time (took him 5 years to propose lol) but it was something that meant alot to me. i wanted to be married and make that commitment infront of our loved ones. i did bring up the topic a few times but i was careful not to pressure him as i certainly didnt want him doing it for the wrong reasons.

i found reading steve harveys book "act like a lady think like a man" really helped dh and i turn a corner. steve explains about men who are willing to have children with their partner but wont commit but puts it all in lamen terms and it seems so clear. it speaks really well to the men too and i found my husband really related and understood what steve was saying and instead of thinking about all the cleche reasons to and to not get married it cleared his way of thinking too. mayb give it a read u may be suprised smile
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