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pregnant with second Rss

So I was hanging out with a few friends this morning who have two children. I was talking to them about the relationship between their kids. All of them said that there two kids fight constantly, to the point their girls need to be physically separate from bashing each other up, as there is a lot of jealousy, also guilt on the mothers part for being slack with the second bub (not enough hours in the day for discipline, leisure activities, time etc). I'm really nervous now. I have no idea what to expect and im anxious about how to ease and reduce jealousy and increase their love for each other.. Any advice/help would be appreciated!
We have a 21 month age gap between our 2 and although they have their days of fighting, mostly they are loving to each other.(they are now 3.5 and 18 months) The best thing we did, and seemed to instantly make the older one fall in love with the baby, was we had a gift from the baby to the older one under the crib at hospital.It was just a dvd (for daddy when i was still in hospy) and a colouring in book with textas (for when she visited at hospy). She was so stoked that the baby bought her a gift! We also had 100% attention for dd#1 rule. So any visitors coming were told that the first person they greet is dd1 and they focus most of their attention on her. We didnt have any jealousy issues at all. As dd2 has gotten older, and obviously, now the attention ect is split 50/50. (it was a gradual transition though).
hoope that helps smile

Apologies for my replies, hope they make sense. I am usually typing one handed or interrupted halfway through wink

Hi, I have 4 girls, age 19 months, almost 4, 10 and 13 year olds. They definately have their arguments and they have their fights, but mostly they all get on really well. My hubby has lost most of his siblings to cancer etc and so we really try to teach our girls how important family is, especially your siblings.

When i go into hospital to have bubs, I have a few presents ready for the other kids, so that they are kept amused, it would be things like a colour in book and pencils. They get to open one every couple of hours. (i had the kids stay at the hosp with me while i was in labour with my 1st 2 kids, but mum was there to take them out of the room when i wanted.) My 2nd 2 were premmy so the kids were at home with family when i was in labour.

When bubs was born the kids would give bubs a gift that they had chosen and bub would give them a gift. It always worked a treat and they all loved it.

I have found sometimes my older 2 girls forget that my 4 year old is only 4. They forget that she is still learning to share etc.

On the other hand i have a friend with a 7 year old daughter and she wont play with her 1 year old brother. then when my girls play wiht him she gets all jealous and wants him to herself. She was an only child for so long, its hard for her to share her mothers love.
I was just saying to DH this morning that I love how well our kids play together, sure they have their arguments and get catty with each other (especially the older 2), but that doesn't last and they go back to playing nicely again!
I'm certain, that as they get older the fighting will increase, and may become more intense - but I know they all love each other very much, and its all just a part of life!
I believe the way you parent has a lot to do with how well your kids get along - sharing your time around as evenly as possible (especially when a new bub comes along), letting each one feel just as loved as the next.

I'm sure everything will be fine for you and your children. Like pp's said, a gift from the baby to your child is a great thing to do - I did it with my 2nd and 3rd babies, the older kids love it! smile
I was #4, brother #3 was the one i fought with ALL the time. Horribly. But now we're best friends. Only took 20 years! there is hope lol!!

I agree with one of the previous posts, there is 18months between my kids, and they do fight, but the love they have for each other is amazing, when DD met DS, it was amazing, I have the pics she kissed him and loves him. Dont worry about the fighting, they all do that. Didnt you fight with your siblings?

Siblings will always fight... it's just the way it is smile
But I think it's the way the interact every other time that's important.
DD1 can be a right royal b!tch to DS, but we try to nip that in the bud ASAP, and other times she is so thoughtful and kind and wonderful to him..

DS is not an instigator, but he does retaliate, so if one of the other 2 get stuck into him, he'll give them a go back. But he's a pretty laid back placid kid.

DD2 can be a bully to DS sad laugh she'll chase him around and try to hit him! lol
DD1 is really good with her and helps with her when we're out..

Generally they get along really well - they have their occassional bust ups but they're over quickly smile

Don't worry about that.. you just deal with it when/if it happens...
And a lot of it is the way they're brought up too - if you try to keep things equal and fair then those values rub off on them.

Im nervous too.... about alot of stuff with this pregnancy! Even tho i try and re-assure myself it doesnt work and u just have to slowly work thro the feelings as they come up!

If they're making excuses as to lack of discipline I'd say most of the answer is right there in front of them. I'm expecting fights between our kids, but not for the majority of the time.

I think that the way that my DD has been taught to have good communication is going to help. I don't expect that things will be smooth sailing all the time but I do expect that I will be putting the time and effort into parenting in a manner that promotes all the right behaviours. None of us signed up for an easy ride wen we chose to have kids. We did sign up for commitment to them though.

Thanks guys, you have definitely given me hope for a bright future. Its scary as it is, heard going from first to second is harder then the transition to having one baby. Good luck to all the mummies in the same shoes as me. smile

Didnt you fight with your siblings?

Yep definitely did Allison, and as a result my sister and i haven't spoken in 6 yrs sad(

I have 2 girls 23 months apart and like everyone else they fight sometimes but mostly get on really well.

I wonder what it is about human nature that everyone has to try and put a dampener on things and try to intimidate and frighten others once they are in a position of no turning back (like being pregnant). I remember that overwhelmingly the comments people make are that when you have kid/s your life will never be the same, you will never have time to yourself, you will never look good again, you will never...blah blah blah.

The good stuff far outweighs the bad stuff. Your kids will get on great and you will delight in watching the older one care for and interact with the younger one, and the look of admiration the baby will give the toddler (kinda like the 'mummy look', it's one of those expressions reserved just for the older sibling/s)...then one day the little one is old enough to play and you will love watching them learn to play with each other.

Good luck. Stay positive!

Thanks so much for your lovely kind words. Its so daunting when you hear ppl you trust say things like that! I will definitely focus on the good stuff.
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