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What would you do? Rss

My DD1 had a friend sleep over last night, and her behavior was absolutely disgusting. When they went to bed she was really mean to her friend and had her in tears, then when I went in to tell her to get into the other bed (she has bunks), she screamed at me and hit me!

So my question is, I had planned to take DD1 and DD2 for a drive to the country as I need to check out the local hospital for my next prac for nursing. To make the drive worth while for them we were going to go to the lolly/ice cream shop. But DD1 obviously doesn't deserve any treats today, but I don't want to punish DD2 as she hasn't done anything wrong. So, would you only let DD2 go to the lolly shop, and DD1 misses out? Or is that too mean?

My DD1 had a friend sleep over last night, and her behavior was absolutely disgusting. When they went to bed she was really mean to her friend and had her in tears, then when I went in to tell her to get into the other bed (she has bunks), she screamed at me and hit me!

So my question is, I had planned to take DD1 and DD2 for a drive to the country as I need to check out the local hospital for my next prac for nursing. To make the drive worth while for them we were going to go to the lolly/ice cream shop. But DD1 obviously doesn't deserve any treats today, but I don't want to punish DD2 as she hasn't done anything wrong. So, would you only let DD2 go to the lolly shop, and DD1 misses out? Or is that too mean?


I think with young kids the punishment is dealt with at the time, if my kids acted up and I got cross with them and told them it wasnt right, sent them to timeout or whatever then that would be the end of it. I wouldnt carry it over to the next day and I wouldnt then go to a lolly shop and only let one go in - I get what you are saying that your other child wasnt naughty but I do think its a bit mean to let her go in and not her sister.
I think it depends on the age of the child. I would probably still do the treat, but have a talk with her first, eg "I was really disappointed in your behaviour last night when you did x, y and z. We are going on a fun trip with treats today, but if I ever see you act like that again, I am not going to include you the next time" And, if possible, get her to repeat back to you the behaviour in an apology or a promise not to do it again, so that she's clear on what is not acceptable.
She is 7 1/2, so she knows better. Hmm.. she has continued to be horrible this morning, so I really don't think she needs treats today. I guess poor DD2 will have to miss out too because of her sister sad
Maybe let her go for lollies/ice cream today, but next time she wants a friend over, say no? Then explain because she was mean to her friend and hit mum, that that is why she isn't allowed. Or maybe have her friend come over, but isn't allowed to stay because of her behavior.



I don't think DD2 should be punished for elder sisters behaviour by missing out. I would probably give DD1 one more warning about behaviour including what the consequence is - then if she cotinues poor behaviour she doesnt get the treat while DD2 does. (I agree that at 7 1/2 she should know better).

I have done this with my two sons - and often find it more effective than just saying noone gets treats - the eldest doesnt seem to care if everyone misses out but if its just him then he takes a completely different approach.

Its not easy - good luck.

I don't think theres anything wrong with letting your daughter miss out while your other gets treated provided you explain it to her.

I remember a time when I was being a real brat and the next night Dad was taking my elder sister and I to the drive in.. well, i got left behind. I didn't really think he'd leave me at home!! I remember sitting on the couch looking out the window watching the car drive away and then bursting into tears realizing they weren't coming back for me =( lol... it did me no harm and I was always well behaved round the time I knew we were going to the drive in!
If they were my daughters (and i do have 2 dds + 2 ds') i would not be giving the eldest daughter those treats, and no i don't think its that mean 1 having something and the other one doesn't and especially now that since you have said she is still playing up.

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Okay, she misses out. She has had multiple warnings and continued to misbehave, I don't want to be a push over on this kind of stuff or she will walk all over me!
And thanks for all the replies, makes life easier seeing other peoples opinions smile

Okay, she misses out. She has had multiple warnings and continued to misbehave, I don't want to be a push over on this kind of stuff or she will walk all over me!


So, if she's had adequate warning, I guess DD2 gets to eat icecream in front of her! Thats what I would do smile

So, if she's had adequate warning, I guess DD2 gets to eat icecream in front of her! Thats what I would do smile


Yep, one of the replies made me think back to my childhood. If I did something as bad as DD1 did, I would be missing out on lollies and my siblings would still get the treat, so thats what will happen!
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