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For those with an "only child" Rss

Firstly, let me say that I don't want this thread to become out of control. I know people have very strong opinions about this topic, so if you are not an only child, or don't have and only child, please keep your comments to yourself. And I don't want to cause issues between both sides, I just want some information for myself.

I just want some responses from those who are/have been in the situation of being/having an "only child".

If you are an only child-
How do you feel about your childhood and adult life in regards to not having siblings? Did/do you feel left out? Alone?
Do have any opinions on the subject?

If you have an only child (by choice)-
Why did you choose to have only one?
Do you do things to make sure they don't feel alone?
Do you have any opinions on the subject?

The reason I am asking is for my own personal curiosity. DH and I have discussed having just one child (although we are TTC #2). It still plays on my mind and I guess I'm just wanting to know what it's like for others.
Hi!

Firstly to give you a bit with us because I can give you multiple answers relating to the topic. My DF is an only child. I was an only child until I was 8. (My parents divorced when I was 10 months and went on to marry again and have 3 children each in their second marriages but I was 17 when my youngest 2 siblings were born). And my DF and I are about 97% convinced we won't be going again hence our DS being an only child (by choice not medical reasons). I understand that this topic can stem debate and not usually vocal on the topic as I always think each to their own, but I liked how you stated your intro! smile

My DF: He never felt alone or the need or want for a sibling. He is extremely close with his folks and has nothing but awesome memories from his childhood. His best friend of 12 years is also an only child and shares the same feelings of his childhood that he didn't feel alone and now works with his Dad and considers his Dad his best mate.

Me: I had an overactive imagination and created an imaginary friend when I was 3 but somehow understood that I wasn't getting a brother or sister due to my parents being as I would say "they are de-borced and my dad doesn't live in my house". When my siblings started coming when I was 8 (there was 6 of them born over the next 9 years) And I always had issues with feeling I never truly belonged in either of the 2 families. They were never mean to me or anything I just had an 'odd one out' feeling for a long time. Now that I have my own family I do feel complete.

Our DS & Our Decision: My DF is just so 'issue-free' and such a happy fella that we can't help but want to follow in the footsteps of his family. Also we are not very setup financially and provide for DS with ease but do have some concerns about whether we would be able to do it with another. However, the emotion for both DF and I is that we have no real plan for another and do feel our family is complete. We aren't very vocal about this to my side of the family as they are very pro-big families and already put pressure as to when I'm 'going again' but I just try to put them at bay politely and gloss over the subject as we know it is still early days and we are 26. However, DF and I have a pact that we are only leaving the 'window' open until we are 30, then DF is going for the snip.
We are confident that the example from DF's family will ensure we do heaps with our DS that he never feels alone and hopefully as close to us as DF is to his folks.

Sorry for the big response. smile

Firstly, let me say that I don't want this thread to become out of control. I know people have very strong opinions about this topic, so if you are not an only child, or don't have and only child, please keep your comments to yourself. And I don't want to cause issues between both sides, I just want some information for myself.

I just want some responses from those who are/have been in the situation of being/having an "only child".

If you are an only child-
How do you feel about your childhood and adult life in regards to not having siblings? Did/do you feel left out? Alone?
Do have any opinions on the subject?

If you have an only child (by choice)-
Why did you choose to have only one?
Do you do things to make sure they don't feel alone?
Do you have any opinions on the subject?

The reason I am asking is for my own personal curiosity. DH and I have discussed having just one child (although we are TTC #2). It still plays on my mind and I guess I'm just wanting to know what it's like for others.



Hi there

Ok, Im not an only child but i feel like one. My older brother and sister were gone by the time i was old enough to understand and my younger brother was never around. I never felt alone as i was always doing things i wanted to do and mum was always with me cos dad always went with my brother to his sport.

My DS will be an only child. For lots of reasons really. I dont want to have another child for a start. Also, i want my DS to have BOTH parents at all his sports events/life things. If we had more children, the parents get split up between the kids, money starts getting tight. Kids complain 'why cant i have this expensive thing for my sport etc etc.
I know for me, i feel resentment toward my brother for getting more stuff than me cos his sport cos more.
Also, once i asked my brother if he thought our parents were there for him always. He said, 'well dad was. Mum was never there'. Thats exactly the opposite of what i say. I never want my DS to be able to say that.
Also, I dont want to struggle our way thru life. And with my job and my husbands, we will never have really high paying flash jobs so will never be able to afford it. I know people will say "Its not about what you can buy for your kids" but yeah tell your kid that! I still wish that mum and dad had more money cos i would have a WAY different life if they could have afforded for me to go international with my sport.

There are lots of other reasons but i cant think of them exactly right now.
Bergdorf blonde and supaexcited- thanks you both for your input.

DH and I feel the same on many of the things you both mentioned. DH is in a well paying job now, but won't be forever. We want to live comfortably, be able to take DD on holidays, and not go without things. I'm not saying I want to spoil her rotten, but I want her to do well in life and if it's sport, school, dance, whatever, I want to be able to provide whatever she needs without struggling.

I had a great upbringing. I had one sister and we rarely went without. Dad was always working though, so we didn't get to spend quite as much time with him as we would've liked, but in turn, we are really close with our Mum. Dad regrets not spending more time with us when we were little.

DH had a different life. He has one sister and one brother. His Dad was an alcoholic and his Mum tried very hard to support and bring up the kids virtually on her own. DH knows what it's like to have an unstable life, and I really think it's affected how he sees things as an adult.

Overall, we'd really like for DD to have someone to grow up with, and hopefully be mates with, but at the moment I'm putting it in the hands of fate/luck/mother nature, whatever you wanna call it. If it's meant to be it'll be.

In saying that, DD is 2.5 and STILL doesn't sleep well and I had PND. I really don't wanna go back to no sleep and feeling down, so I'm very hesitant too. I am just starting to get 'myself' back again and am afraid of having to go through it all again.

Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts. Cheers smile

Bergdorf blonde and supaexcited- thanks you both for your input.

DH and I feel the same on many of the things you both mentioned. DH is in a well paying job now, but won't be forever. We want to live comfortably, be able to take DD on holidays, and not go without things. I'm not saying I want to spoil her rotten, but I want her to do well in life and if it's sport, school, dance, whatever, I want to be able to provide whatever she needs without struggling.

I had a great upbringing. I had one sister and we rarely went without. Dad was always working though, so we didn't get to spend quite as much time with him as we would've liked, but in turn, we are really close with our Mum. Dad regrets not spending more time with us when we were little.

DH had a different life. He has one sister and one brother. His Dad was an alcoholic and his Mum tried very hard to support and bring up the kids virtually on her own. DH knows what it's like to have an unstable life, and I really think it's affected how he sees things as an adult.

Overall, we'd really like for DD to have someone to grow up with, and hopefully be mates with, but at the moment I'm putting it in the hands of fate/luck/mother nature, whatever you wanna call it. If it's meant to be it'll be.

In saying that, DD is 2.5 and STILL doesn't sleep well and I had PND. I really don't wanna go back to no sleep and feeling down, so I'm very hesitant too. I am just starting to get 'myself' back again and am afraid of having to go through it all again.

Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts. Cheers smile


Yeah i get where you are coming from. For my DS, my brother and his wife (who i am very close too, my SIL is wonderful!) they have a baby who is 11 months younger than my DS so they will grow up together like brothers. I also have very close friends that have kids who are my DS's age so im not worried that he is going to be lonely! smile

And the bit you said about PND - thats me all over! And its weird too, my whole body HURTS since ive have DS. I have never felt this 'out-of-sorts' before. Im in pain all the time and the doctor and osteo cant figure out why. Very strange indeed
Supaexcited- Oh yeah, I wish the aches and pains would bugger off! My back wasn't the best before DD but it's way worse now. I did find once the PND went away a bit, I could focus more on me and I started going to a gym a couple of days a week. That seemed to help with the aches a bit. I wish we had close cousins for DD, we've moved around a bit and probably won't have much family near us in the long-term.

Nattylou- Thanks for your input. Your type of scenario is what worries me about us. If we say no more kids, I'm scared I'll regret it and then have a massive age gap between kids, which isn't what we want. On the other hand, if we have another one soon, I'm not sure if I can cope, which isn't the right thing for any of us.

I guess I'm trying to work out in my own mind how to get it right for the whole family. Bloody hard decision either way.
Hiya

Our daughter is 4, and we will be ttc soon. For a long time I was happy with the thought that we'd have just the one - however I can see the effect on her already.

She is a super confident outgoing little person. But she's different to other kids with siblings. She wants to be the leader in any group situations, and has the markings of becoming a spoilt little brat!! blink I'm rather strict on her partly because I can't stand bad behaviour, but also because I'm conscious that at home she has no one that she has to share her things with. She's really good at sharing when other kids come around, but still VERY bossy and wants everything to be done how SHE wants it done.

She has a little friend that we have 2 or 3 days a week, and they have become like siblings (they fight like siblings too!) and I'm sure that's helped with the sharing and social side of things. She has also gone to day care 1 day a week since she was 5 months old, just for socialisation, and therefore starting kindy this year she has LOVED it.

I don't know how many times I have observed a certain behaviour and thought "she needs a sibling!"

So that's what we're going to do. smile I went to school with a girl that was an only child, I even remember her in kindy - and she displayed the same domineering behaviours as my dd does... which is rather scary because I never liked this girl I went to school with. She wasn't very nice to the other kids. I'm constantly telling my dd that she needs to be nice to her friends or she'll have no friends!

If we continue along this way I have no doubt my daughter will end up with many traits that I don't really like... I hope that a sibling will teach her a few things!!

Eta: just want to clarify that the only reason I originally wanted just the one was because of pnd that took 2 yrs for me to get over - had it really bad.. right down to being suicidal & having very few memories of dd as a baby. I've always been scared of having another because I don't want to go through that again. I know without question I will love the second as much as the first, and I do want the baby - just scared for my mental health! This time I will be better equipped with info & resources, not to mention I know to ask for help so feeling a bit more confident.




I am not an only child nor do I have one... but I am replying anyway tongue laugh

I can see both sides here....

For ME personally an only child was NEVER an option and I am now preg with #4, My sister on the other hand swore after her 1st she would only have one, she had PND, and she was content with her decision as was her DH..... in the end come 6 years later they DID decide to go for one more..... she was such a good baby... they went for 'one more' again and ended up with twins!!! So going from 1 to 4 but they are happy now and couldn't imagine having an only child, it is hard having only the one, you are its only playmate at home, which I know most parents love! But fro EVERYTHING, teaparties, hide n seek, etc etc....

My eldest died in january of last year and whilst its not something you EVER dream of happening, I was so glad my 2 girls had each other....

My mum also tells me allthe time she grew up next to an only child and he spent 99% of his time at their place, always felt lonely etc, so spent tome next door where my nan had 5 kids!!

BUT On the other side of it, my aunt had a 2nd because everyone told her she just HAD to, it was cruel having only one etc etc..... her 2nd child knows damn well why she was born, her and her mum are NOT close nor will they ever be I don't think, she openly admits her DD1 is her fave and its terrible....

SO I have made no sense tongue But whilst personally I am not an only child person, you need to do whats right for you and your family, and NOT have another just because people say you should...

Though as much as me and my sisters fought growing up I couldn't imagine life without them now
Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who posted on this thread.

After a LOT of consideration, DH and I have agreed that we will only have the one child. We are so blessed to have our healthy, happy and beautiful girl in our lives and truly are ok with just her.

I spoke with my Mum yesterday who put a lot of things in perspective for me, and in the end she told me that I was answering all my own questions- that deep down I really couldn't cope with another child. It hurts, but it's true. And I'd rather do the best that I can with the one I do have than risk losing my mind again, and making my family and myself suffer. There are many more reasons also, not just the risk of PND again.

Anyway, just thought I'd update and say thanks again.
Hey hun.... I just noticed that your dd is only 2 and a half. Just wanted to let you know that I felt exactly the same as you do when my dd was that young and also decided to have just the one.... now that mine is 4 though its a different story... she is SO much easier now and life is much better.

All the stuff I have been through has taught me a lot about life and about myself so I now feel better equipped to consider another one. Not to mention I'm in a good headapace now and can be realistic about having a baby (not like the first time!)

Just wanted to tell you this because I'd like to let you know that you're not alone... keep your options option.... in a few more years you might be like me and decide to just go for the bigger age gap. Dd will be in school by the time we have another one so I think that'll be a good thing. She is also old enough that I can see she's going to be a great little helper so I can now look forward to it.




sorry,I am not an only child but mil is, for that reason she had 5 children because she was lonely as a child.She has told me that was the reason.Now with the very recent passing of fil she has had a lot of support from her 5 sons and all of us.Not a nice thing to think of but another friend lost his mum and as an only child he found it extremely difficult.
On a nicer note I have a niece who is an only child and she is just lovely very caring and not'spoilt' at all.My sisters son however is the opposite nd has said he is glad he is an only child and thats the reason he doesn't like to share, never had to learn to lol.Both are 12.Anyway some food for thought.I did not read the other replies so sorry if repeated them.

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

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