ABOUT TO LOOSE MY *

sorry for the title in advance im in one FOUL FOUL mood. I have a 9yr old daughter and a 2yr old son. I am struggling and don't know how to come out of my angry almost all the time mood. Due to family issues for the past 4 years ive become bitter snappy stressed negative & short fused.

my daughter is absolutely killing me. I don't know how I get through a day with out losing my cool. She lies & even knowing I WILL smack her. she rolls her eyes, she cant follow simply instructions like plz tidy your room or when you waik up make your bed and start getting ready so I don't have to fricken yell and scream and threaten to smack her the whole fricken hour until I drop her off to school..... it takes me hours to calm down and then before I know it im picking her up again only to deal with the afternoon garbadge with her.

Shes behind at school, she is ALWAYS getting in trouble off her father and I daily every single day several times a day.

Ive spoken to the school nothing has been done all year. I don't know what else to try with this girl.
weve done time out confiscation smacking grounding from going places etc

She is making me very very unhappy and angry ALL the time. m 2yr old starts yelling too when ever we now chastise her or even speak to her sternly . So I NEED to DESPERASTLY make changes before he too feels aggressive from watcvhing me get mad at his sister.

More so I need to some how make her stop her shit and just be a pleasant child to live with she makes me so mad it makes me cry for feeling the way I do towards her.

I love her and would protect her with my life but something has to change and give and it has to be her?

any advice please any thing to help ;(

Oh wow Sugarbaby2323, I really feel for you!
I am so sorry I don't have any advice unfortunately, I just didn't want to read and run.
The only thing that I try and do with my nearly 2 yr old is really try to praise the good behaviour and pay less attention to the bad.
It is actually quite hard to do in the beginning and you never, the same principle may work with your girl.
For example when he is in his highchair having tea and I am BF his 3 month old little brother, I am trying to concentrate on feeding as DS isn't great at it, and so I have to pay attention to DS1 and say things like 'You are eating your pasta so well' How are you going, man you are doing a great job eating' Otherwise I am quiet concentrating on feeding and the only time DS1 gets my attention is when he does something naughty like throw his bowl on the floor or tip over his drink, and at that point I interact with him, and by doing that I am teaching him that he gets by attention by misbehaving. So I have to try and give him the attention when he is good.
Hope that makes sense, it sounds a bit of a ramble, but you never know smile

Hi, I dont have any advice for a 9 year old, but I know I have really had moments with my twins who are 3, mostly my girl and some days I just didnt want to be home with them because we just go cranky at each other and it was doing my head in. They are really good kids most of the time but just pushing the boundaries. A few people on here in the past have recommended the book 123 Magic it is aimed at 2-12 year olds and this book has a really good approach without the yelling and it made such as difference in our house. There are times when I slip a bit and things end with yelling but I just refocus again and we have a much calmer and happier house. It is a really good book to read and makes you think about the approach we use with our children and the repercussions of it.

Thank you little Egg t want to yell I want to say well done for getting ready in the mornings etc. This time of year gets my stressed raised also. Thank you so much I just needed one reply just any thing lol x

kazzav I havenjt heard of that book or method thank you so much im very very open to try any thing to change how we are. I love my kids and it hurts me that im struggling most days. Im going to google and ebay the book now thank you so very much xx

I've just recently bought a book called If I have to tell you one more time.... The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging reminding or yelling. By Amy McCready.
It only arrived a week ago and I've only read 2 chapters but it sounds good so far!
Think she also has a website called positive parenting solutions

Hopefully you can find some advice that makes sense to you guys smile

It sounds like your household is a very stressful place. If you are filled with so much anger and stress I think you should look at getting counselling to help you to find better ways to cope because the way we act has a very strong effect on our children. If we are constantly angry or stressed our children will suffer and react negatively as a result. I know it is hard and parenting is stressful but we need to teach our children how to act and cope with problems and this is done by our example.
Try and put yourself in your children's shoes imagine what it is like for them having an angry stressed out mother. They would be feeling very distressed and anxious within themselves. Children act in ways we see negatively as a result of this constant distress and anxiety.
I wish you and your family all the best.

You poor thing, you sound overwhelmed. Kids sure know how to push our buttons, don't they?

I recently discovered a great blog by this lady who called herself The Orange Rhino. She yelled and screamed at her kids ALOT and finally decided to stop. She made it 520 days straight without yelling. Really inspirational.....

Here's one of her blog posts...
http://theorangerhino.com/10-things-i-learned-w...

I am an impatient person by nature so having a child has been a challenge for me! I have always had a short fuse but I am really working hard on not yelling at my son. It really does just make things worse and it makes your child feel unloved which then makes their behavior worse. I do a lot of deep breathing LOL. I am big on consequences now and following through.

So I'll say firmly, "please stop climbing on the table" and then he has to the count of 3 to comply or else he goes in time out. Stuff like that. You can remove privileges for an older child eg computer/TV use etc. Consequences really do work but you have to be consistent which is the hard part...no point making empty threats. I also try and praise him for all the great stuff he does so his day isn't full of threats of punishments all day long!

Maybe you and your daughter need to have some fun one on one time doing something that she loves? Sounds like your relationship has taken a bit of a hit. Kids mostly do just want to please us and they do it more readily when they feel loved I think.

I'm not judging you by the way as I've had my fair share of yelling sessions LOL. But as they say "nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes".

Hi again smile
I just wanted to add - please try not to beat yourself up too much, I sure have moments when l lose it and yell, and it does no good, and makes me feel worse, it is the hardest job in the world being a parent wacko

I can't be of much help since I'm in a pretty bad mood myself lately tongue

But one book I found good
was "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk". It's really good and I should really read it again...

Sugarbaby2323 wrote:
kazzav I havenjt heard of that book or method thank you so much im very very open to try any thing to change how we are. I love my kids and it hurts me that im struggling most days. Im going to google and ebay the book now thank you so very much xx

I bought the book from thebookdepository.com, was about $15 with free delivery, but you may find it closer to home for faster turnaround as sometimes it can take a couple of weeks. But definately the best method I have tried, I find that time out doesnt work and the concept of it is to remove the child from a situation without yelling, just counting to 3 and then taking to room or wherever, quite often my daughter will be in there losing the plot but she comes out when she calms down, older children you can talk about it with, but the point is not to focus on the bad behaviour and just a simple removal and my children dont like missing out on whats going on outside so they dont like to go to their room. Good luck and I hope you can start enjoying your time with your daughter soon. I hate feeling like all I do is get cranky.

The hardest thing is to admit that you are unhappy with the way your kids react to your parenting and it must be incredibly heartbreaking for you to live like this.
My view is that children should be treated with respect and that they reflect the treatment they receive. So if all your daughter hears is you screaming at her and nagging at her then of course she won't be responsive. I have no experience with 9 year olds but it sounds like some counselling could help, when you're both in a calm mood and able to talk about what she wants and what you want and go from there. With your 2 year old you have the chance to change your parenting style now and this should be easier. I don't believe in time outs, withdrawal of priviliges, bribes & rewards. While this might work when they are young, it certainly won't work when they are teenagers. The books that the others have recommended sound like a good place to start and will hopefully give you some help. A site I often refer to which has some great articles on parenting is www.naturalchild.org
I do my best to treat my kids with respect (and yes, sometimes they do push my buttons!) My 2.5 year old son says please & thank you without me ever having to ask him/tell him to say it.
Kids simply copy what adults do so I try to always be aware of this when my kids are around me.
Wishing you all the best and hope you can work towards being a happier family smile