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I surrender to my MIL Rss

unsure Ok this might be long so brace yourselves!

I have had issues with my MIL for many years, but mainly since the birth of our daugher who is now 3. I am 6 months pregnant wih our second bub.
I admit that alot of these issues are very minor and through my own stupidity, they have caused a series of massive massive fights.
My MIL is very bossy and likes everyone to do what she wants to do, with no or very little thought as to what everyone elses opinions are.
I am very stubborn and defensive. And this is not a good mix for a great relationship from the start.
So i stuffed up and opened my bit mouth and told her what i thought.....big big big mistake.
I let it settle for a few days and went around to talk to her. Everything i said to her was me being honest. I am sick of fighting her. Its not good for anyone, especially my baby in my tummy. I wanted to get it sorted for good and the only way i could see it happening was me to apologise for everything and start fresh with her, and this means that i would definately have to shut my mouth and let her do as she wanted. There was no other way. We have tried other ways in the past but failed.
Here is what i said
"i have written this stuff down because i want to talk to you in a mature way. I dont want to get off track, i dont want to bring up what has happened in the past because whats the point, we only argue about it. I also dont want to say anyhting i shouldn't and that i will regret and i dont want to leave anything out. I need to aplologise to you for everything that i have said and done that has offended you and everyone else.
I realise that i am not the easiest person to get along with, given my stubborness and defensiviness. If it were possible i would take back many of the things that have happened in the 'heat of the moment' but i cannot, and i regret this.
We do need to remember that it is a two way street, however my suggestion is that we start over from scratch, forgive and forget.
I am very willing to try and make our realtionship a pleasent one, one that does not cause tension to anyone.
I want to move on in a mature way and judging from the past, the best way is going to be to start to respect eachother in all aspects, including our differences.
This, for my part has already begun by me been here right now. This is a new beginning for me and it is what i need to do for both myself, and my family, which includes you. I hope that you find it in yourself to start afresh with me"

The response i got from her was a barage of name calling, including f*** you bitch, and her telling me she does not believe a word i just said.

And she wonders why i said no when she told me she wanted to have my daughter for the morning....

unsure Ok this might be long so brace yourselves!

I have had issues with my MIL for many years, but mainly since the birth of our daugher who is now 3. I am 6 months pregnant wih our second bub.
I admit that alot of these issues are very minor and through my own stupidity, they have caused a series of massive massive fights.
My MIL is very bossy and likes everyone to do what she wants to do, with no or very little thought as to what everyone elses opinions are.
I am very stubborn and defensive. And this is not a good mix for a great relationship from the start.
So i stuffed up and opened my bit mouth and told her what i thought.....big big big mistake.
I let it settle for a few days and went around to talk to her. Everything i said to her was me being honest. I am sick of fighting her. Its not good for anyone, especially my baby in my tummy. I wanted to get it sorted for good and the only way i could see it happening was me to apologise for everything and start fresh with her, and this means that i would definately have to shut my mouth and let her do as she wanted. There was no other way. We have tried other ways in the past but failed.
Here is what i said
"i have written this stuff down because i want to talk to you in a mature way. I dont want to get off track, i dont want to bring up what has happened in the past because whats the point, we only argue about it. I also dont want to say anyhting i shouldn't and that i will regret and i dont want to leave anything out. I need to aplologise to you for everything that i have said and done that has offended you and everyone else.
I realise that i am not the easiest person to get along with, given my stubborness and defensiviness. If it were possible i would take back many of the things that have happened in the 'heat of the moment' but i cannot, and i regret this.
We do need to remember that it is a two way street, however my suggestion is that we start over from scratch, forgive and forget.
I am very willing to try and make our realtionship a pleasent one, one that does not cause tension to anyone.
I want to move on in a mature way and judging from the past, the best way is going to be to start to respect eachother in all aspects, including our differences.
This, for my part has already begun by me been here right now. This is a new beginning for me and it is what i need to do for both myself, and my family, which includes you. I hope that you find it in yourself to start afresh with me"

The response i got from her was a barage of name calling, including f*** you bitch, and her telling me she does not believe a word i just said.

And she wonders why i said no when she told me she wanted to have my daughter for the morning....

What a bitch!!

Well done you for taking the hight road! I know how you feel, it's so strange how mother in laws are so hard to get along with!
OMG are you serious....what a NUTTER! Your MIL, not you! I know this isn't ideal, but is there any way you can cut her out of your life, so you don't have to see her & have these drama's? Makes me realize how so very lucky I am that my MIL lives in another state & I only have to put up with her, ooops, I mean spend time with her, every 2 years or so.
Had to have a laugh at that last post.

What a strange person! Did she give any reason as to why she didn't accept you appology? I have to say well done to you for handeling it in such a mature way. There are alot of women out there who wouldn't be able to do that. WELL DONE! I really hope you don't take abackward step from this and slip back into arguments with her because I think that would be very easy. I don't think you should "surrender" and let her do what she wants. Your husband and children are YOURS and while she may be a grandmother you are their mother and it's what you want for them that matters. Its very well to take her oppinion on board but if you don't agree then nod, smile and say " Thank you for that advice, I'll keep it in mind but for now we're quite happy doing this..." and she really can't have any ammunition then I think if you handel eveything with utter politness and don't give her anything to work with she will soon realise her explosions are a lost cause.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Thanks guys, i understand it is hard to comment when we all know there is two sides to every story. And you are only hearing mine.
In my situation however there seems to be only one story, and that is that i am the bad one, the one in the wrong and the one who has caused the problem. This is how my MIL sees it. I have decide that it is easier to let it be. I have taken the blame in its entirity and i have been the one who has done all the trying to heal the whole relationship, because apparently it is all my problem, none of it hers.
I know the truth deep down, but i dont want this to go on. I dont want my husband and kids to be caught in the middle, having to take sides. I dont want my husband and i to fight over this anymore and i dont want us to ever, ever go our seperate ways because i couldnt get along with his mum.
I have taken the step in swallowing my pride along with all my self beliefs. Everything i have been taught as a child about standing up for what i believe in, i have had to relinquish. I have started a new book, not just a new chapter, but a whole new book. It had to happen. There is no alternitive. I know it is wrong but what more can i do.
So being rejected and abused yesterday by my MIL has left me wondering where to go from here.
I am absolutley dedicated to me starting fresh. It is all i can do. So, a hell of alot of nodding, smiling and saying yes to whatever she throws at me next time i see her is going to be happening! I refuse to lower myself to her level ever again. It is up to her to accept and acknowledge all that i have sacrificed in order to bring peace between us. Its is now up to her to swallow her pride and start fresh along with me.

***update****
My MIL showed up at my house today in a fighting mood. She asked me if i had been tested for hormone imbalances, because she has been researching MY PROBLEM. She then continued on to he 'diagnosis'. Apparently i have post natal depression and cannot admit it.
Because i have started frest with her, I had to be careful what i said back to this... There were sooooo many things i really wanted to say but i held back. I told her that it was a very personal question and it was really not her buisness, however if she really had to know, that i had gone thru all the prenatal checks including bloods before concieving the child that i am now 6 months pregnant with, and they all came back normal.
What does your husband think about his mothers behaviour? Is he doing anything about it?

Tell her that yes, you do have a hormonal imbalance - every time she brings her hormones near you, you feel imbalanced.
Cudos to you for trying! I am done trying with my MIL i cant stand the sight of her!
It sounds very similar to my relationship with my MIL. When i was pregnant with DD i made it quite clear i was not a buddha and i didn't appreciate being rubbed like one, (some people love it, i find it envasive) At a family function she brought over a complete strange and invited her to rub my belly and pulled away, she asked in a patrionising voice "dont you like being touched?" i said no, its envasive, i don't want people rubbing me and touching me like im in a petting zoo!! she ended up crying in the toilets. She went on to tell our family and friends i dont like physical contact and the shouldn't touch or kiss me when they see me.

I know i'm stubborn and defensive but that doesnt excuse her behaviour! I'm renowned for holding grudges, i did try to make amends with her - we had a "meeting" to discuss our grievances and i was told i was wrong, and i must be more like them. It still makes me angry when i think about it!! After our "meeting" she constantly berated me about everything we had discussed - i haven't spoken to her in nearly a year.

I think shes worse than my MIL by the sound of it. Tell her your only depressed when she comes over.
My best mates MIL blamed PND when she stood up to her too.

How does your husband feel about her behaviour? It may be best for you to limit all contact with her for the sake of your health and bubs!

GBH for you

"If mother in laws were flowers, i'd water them with round up"
My hubby is great about it all. He knows that i played a big part in it all, but he still supports me, especially as he knows how hard i am trying to sort it out, and what i am sacrificing to make her happy. After i committed to starting fresh went around to my MIL to offer my apologies and acceptance that i was to blame, which she promptly rejected, he rang her. He is currently working in W.A and we are from VIC. She abused him telling him that he was just as bad as me blah blah blah blah...
She now knows because he told her that if she cant accept that i am sorry and that i am trying my absoloute hardest to get along with her, then she is the one that will miss out in the long run...
I am starting to get angry that she does not see that she has played any part in the rift between us. This is eveident by her diagnosing me with hormone imbalances and post natal depression! .....for F's sake i am 6 months pregnant!!!! of course i have hormone imbalances!!
both hubby and i are adament that whatever happens with her that it will not cause any fighting, seperation or divorce between us. This means alot to me because i know he supports me.
I cant not see her or have anything to do with her because she insists on turning up on my doorstep unannounced up to 4 or 5 times per week. The worst part is is that hubby isnt home when she rocks up, so she has free say, And with me starting fresh, i have made the pact with myself to keep my mouth shut...

My hubby is great about it all. He knows that i played a big part in it all, but he still supports me, especially as he knows how hard i am trying to sort it out, and what i am sacrificing to make her happy. After i committed to starting fresh went around to my MIL to offer my apologies and acceptance that i was to blame, which she promptly rejected, he rang her. He is currently working in W.A and we are from VIC. She abused him telling him that he was just as bad as me blah blah blah blah...
She now knows because he told her that if she cant accept that i am sorry and that i am trying my absoloute hardest to get along with her, then she is the one that will miss out in the long run...
I am starting to get angry that she does not see that she has played any part in the rift between us. This is eveident by her diagnosing me with hormone imbalances and post natal depression! .....for F's sake i am 6 months pregnant!!!! of course i have hormone imbalances!!
both hubby and i are adament that whatever happens with her that it will not cause any fighting, seperation or divorce between us. This means alot to me because i know he supports me.
I cant not see her or have anything to do with her because she insists on turning up on my doorstep unannounced up to 4 or 5 times per week. The worst part is is that hubby isnt home when she rocks up, so she has free say, And with me starting fresh, i have made the pact with myself to keep my mouth shut...

Just pretend you're not home. Or yell out "I'm not hoooooome". Or put a note on the door saying that you've got Gastro and anyone who enter will have to clean the bathroom.....
Or you could just tell her that you tried to make it work and seeing as she's quite clearly not interested, she can p!ss off now.


"If mother in laws were flowers, i'd water them with round up"


OMG, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! laugh
oh so glad my MIL lives in a different country.

I would just peek out the window to see who was at the door and if it was her not answer it. I can't be bothered associating with people like that. She does not deserve your time let alone time with her grandkids. Once she realises that she isn't seeing her grandkids anymore she might and I mean might start to look at thing a little differently. You would have to be prepared though to not answer the door at all to her for as long as it takes. Plus get caller id so you don't have to answer her phone calls either.
Good luck sounds like your gonna need it

img src="http://lbff.lilypie.com/jr5Hp8.png" width

honestly next time she shows up stand in the door way and say, "I'm sorry i am just on my way out, its been lovely to see you" grab your daughter and keys and go drive around the block.

or say sorry you have to come when my husbands home as you upset me to much and its not good for the baby as when you stress me out my blood pressure goes up and puts stress on the baby and my daughter does not need to see us argue.
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