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  5. Toddler and newborn...Think im going to have a breakdown!!!!!

Toddler and newborn...Think im going to have a breakdown!!!!! Rss

Hi all,

Firstly i have 2 gorgeous children,a 2 and a 1/2 year old daughter and a 6 week old son. Before my son was born,my daughter was absolutely spoilt with love and affection from everyone but especially myself and her father...Then this intruder arrives!!!

One week after her brother was born her father went back to work in the mines in australia, which means he works 6 weeks away and 1 week home at a time..so no dad around really. And now due to my lack of sleep and numerous other motherly tasks and chores i am becoming very tired which means...i am not tolerating her continuous naughty behaviour very well and i seem to be yelling at her alot!!!!Today i got so frustrated at her as she was purposely taking her time getting out of the car while my son and i were waiting out in the freezing cold for her,so i pinched her on the leg to make her hurry up but instead she screamed,and she screamed out for me but i couldnt console her because i was carrying her brother. I hate myself right now and I feel really guilty after these things happen as the look in her eyes seems so sad and hurt. She almost looks at her brother like she hates him.

I know i need to manage my time better but i just dont know how to juggle everything. The last thing i want is to damage my daughter as she was so happy and socialable before her brother was born.

Any tips or ideas on how i can better manage this situation?Im so desperate here,i feel like im in the verge of having a breakdown!
Hi there!
Poor you! I imagine it can't be easy having a toddler and a newborn but to also not have your husband with you?!
Does your daughter go to childcare?
It might be an idea to start her if she doesn't... that way she gets to interact with kids her own age and you get a welcome break from her!
Even if it's only a half day session...
Perhaps you could sit her down and ask her to help you by being a very good big sister?
I'm sorry I can't be of much help..
Do you have family who can help?
Maybe you could even get a cleaner in once a fortnight just to take the pressure off.
Good luck!
Hi
My kids are 21 months apart. When i came home frome hostpital my older son jai wouldnt go anywhere near me it was like he hated me. I cried so many times cos i thought i was a bad mother. So i started to spend a bit more time with him. At bed time i would read him a book & then we would have cuddles. When bub was asleep i would spend time with jai. Maybe you could get your daughter to help you around the house. Help vaccumm or pick up clothes & put them in the washing machine. You get to spend time with your daughter while you both clean the house. Another thing i found that worked for me is getting jai to help me with nicholas. Like getting a nappy for him or his wipes. I used to get him to help me shake his bottle & help me feed nicholas. Well he would just hold the end but he thought he was helping.

I found that including him in things that i was doing really worked & sitting down playing with him for a while too. I know its hard my husband didnt have any time off work so it was all left up to me. It does get easier. Jai is really great with nicholas now. He will sit down & read to him & is forever cuddling & kissing him.
I hope i have helped a bit. You can PM me if you just want a chat good luck

My 3 beautiful boys DS1-05, DS2-.07 & DS3-09

Hi Shantis mum. My son was 18 months when I had my second son so i feel your pain! I did and still feel i yell at my toddler too much. They demand alot of attention and its hard enough to deal with the baby so u kind of neglect the toddler because u cant exactly neglect the baby!!!

I still find that happens, they are energy drainers. Dont hate yourself over things that you've done. Make a notice to yourself that u dont want to do it again. You're only human. I know they seem so sad and hurt.

What things do u mean u need to juggle? Like shopping etc? Its really hard to juggle everything, just try and schedule a little time with your daughter every time your son goes down to sleep. 15 mins here and there of quality time might satisfy her a little. And like someone else suggested, get her involved with him, as then she wont feel like babys getting all the attention and not her.

Hows your day going?

I have 3 boys!!!

Hi there

Boy it is hard isn't it? My DS is 21 mths old and my bub is 10 weeks. Some days are better than others but mostly by early evening I am in tears and feeling like I am having a breakdown. To make matters worse my DD has had colic & reflux mostly at night so I am not just dealing with night feeds it is the hours after them that I spend walking the hallway.

Like you my husband is also away a lot and when he is around he works long hours so I too am a "single mum".

As to date I haven't really found any answers except that I try to catch an hours sleep in the afternoon IF they both sleep at the same time. And I am always in bed by 8.30.

I think routine may the be key to the issue but I haven't worked out a great one just yet as bub is still sorting herself out. But I have found being REALLY strict with the toddler routine seems to take the pressure off a little.

I also avoid going out with them both and if I do I make sure I have someone to help as my DS is too young to hold onto Mamas hand or to stand in the shopping trolley.

Lastly have you considered having a friend/relative come over one day per week to "play" and have one on one time with your DD? I am lucky enough to have a wonderful friend who takes my DS out once per fortnight so I can have some alone time with my DD and he can have a day of play somewhere. You could also try something like the Aunties and Uncles program as well.

I hope this helps a little and if anyone else has any ideas they would be greatly appreciated.

Lisa, Boy & Girl

I totally understand where you're coming from here. I found it really hard at times coping with my two (15 months apart) and I had a DH who came home every evening.

I remember the first time I yelled at my eldest. (of course he laughed and flitted off to commit more naughtly gremlinly acts) ....but all the same.

It's normal to have days where you feel like your losing control. I had a break down in the driveway trying to get my kids into the car when I took DS2 to his first maternal and child health appointment, with DS1 (15months old) in towe.

15mnth old was playing up something shocking, baby was screaming. DH hadn't bought an extension strap for the baby capsule and I was struggling to clip it ( it was too short by a millimeter) and DH hadn't taking the roof racks off as promised which I kept bumping my head on everytime I would come out of the back seat when putting the kids in.

Well, in the end I stood there on the drive way like a complete fruit loop blabbering my eyes out like a giant three year old.

Now I laugh at it.

All I want to say is that sometimes being a Mum ( and for you, you're practically a single Mum) is just so hard. And sometimes we don't cope as well as we should or we want to.

Give yourself a break and don't forget to congratulate yourself about what a wonderful job your doing 99% of the time.

And give yourself some 'you' time. We all need it.

Hi Shanti,
You are not alone. My DD was 2 years and 1 month when my DS was born and those first few weeks were, put simply, hell on earth. My hubby works away for 4 days and 4 nights per week, so I was doing it alone with a sick toddler (who has since been diagnosed with major allergies and asthma) and my newborn had reflux. One day I snapped like you did when my DD was chucking a tantrum over wanting to wear her fairy costume and I shoved her out my way. Not hard, but enough to scare the living daylights out of myself and her. Since then I have made sure than whenever I feel like losing the plot, I go outside for a few minutes and take deep breaths. It does work. It is very hard with 2 so young, and I also know what you are going through having to do it while your hubby is at work. The only thing I can tell you is that it does get easier. Involving your toddler in your day to day duties and also making sure that you don't always attend to your newborn whenever they start crying straight away can help too. My DS is now almost 6 months old and starting to interact with his sister a lot more, so she enjoys that a lot too. You are not alone, we are here to talk to and just remember that you will look back on all this soon and it will just seem like a distan memory. Good luck with it all.

Hi

I am so glad there are others out there in the same boat really, because you can feel quite lonely at 3am when your newborn has reflux/colic.

My husband has just gone into hospital, my newborn has colic, and my 22month old is starting to really test my limits...you can see it in her eyes! Normally I attempt to be patient and make things fun and happy. But I have such a short fuse at the moment. Plus the neigbours went away for a holiday so I am now taking over DH job of plant watering and dog feeding. AAARRGGHHH!!!! Got 1 hour sleep last night. The night before, I was very close to looking for emergency numbers just to have someone to talk to so I didn't do anything. I have never felt so ashamed in all my life. I would never hurt my angels, but when you have lack of sleep it is incredibly difficult to cope. Now I have been feeling guilty ever since.
Us mums really don't give ourselves enough credit!

Daycare even one day a week is a godsend! It also enables you to do shopping and cooking or even catching up on a much needed sleep. It also allows your toddler to socialise! They pick up so much!

Janyne

Hi everyone,
I am sorry people have a hard time but I am also relieved that I am not the only one. I know how you feel about yelling all the time. I was always so patient with my eldest but I feel like I am always raising my voice.

I have no extra tips but I find my daughter loves to help with her sister and looks forward to her bedtime story. My husband also was away for the first 6 weeks so it was very hard especially when it takes so long to feed the baby.

I try and make special time for the eldest and myself at times when Dad or someone can babysit where we go and do something exciting.

Good luck and we will all be able to look back and laugh later. If your daughter was well mannered and happy before just by showing her you love her she will stay this way.
Hi My daughter was exactly 2yrs old when I had my twin boys. When they came home I didn't have any help except from my husband when he got home from work (works 6-7 days a week). My advice is routine! I am a routine freak and have one for both my toddler and the babies. Family members make fun of me about it but with twins you just have to. daughter now 2.5ys and twins 6 mths.
My daughter knows that in the morning when the boys go to bed it is her play time with me we either do painting, playdough, collage etc Then when the boys go down for afternoon sleep it is called mummy time (which she understands). During this time I hang out washing, make up babies bottles, vacuum, make phone calls etc some of these things she likes to help with. In the afternoon when I am cooking dinner she sits down and has afternoon tea and watches a show eg Hi-5 Another time saver is having a shower in the same room while your toddler has a bath.
Best of luck I hope these ideas help

neat,QLD, mum of 1 girl and twin boys

i know how u feel my two boys are 21months apart.
izacc was 21months at the time, he wasnt spoilt he is very independant boy, then soon as bub comes along he was naughty, i had no pacience, i was always yelling at him, and he never really understood or wasnt able to tell me what was wrong.

i felt like i was going crazy, i never had a break, my partner just got his licence and a car, but i didnt have my licence, so it was a nightmare to go anywhere, we lived on a bus line so i hated it.

now 9 months on i got my licence and a second car, so i can handle the kids more, the boys play together, nicely sometime.
it gets easier as time goes on, the baby becomes independant and not needing thats attention every 5mins.

im glad i had my two young, you will cope with everything.
my parnter never gave me a break so i practilly raised them.

You need to maybe put the oldest in daycare 1 day aweek to have a break, catch up on sleep, maybe ask family to take her to the park for the day.
not sure on your situation but good luck, and trust me it gets better.

izacc,ethan and mya

Hi Shantis mum

What you are going through is totally normal. My DH works away to and to be honest i was where you are at now.

I think the first 3 months are the hardest and especially when you are trying to do it flying solo.

My only advice to you would be when DH comes home:

prepare meals and freeze them in the freezer,

like other people have said maybe book Shantis into day care 1 or 2 days per week

Have a set routine where you have you time... eg. at 7.30pm each night you STOP AND HAVE YOU TIME.... it does not matter if you have not started that last load of washing or dish's are in the sink this is your time....

get help, if someone offers their help ask for it....

and the last one: BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!

you are human and have needs yourself... this does come first!!!

good luck

if you ever need to chat feel free to pm....

also remember like I said it is normal and it will get easier...

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