Both my kids are really good sleepers now. Their first 6-9 months were awful but then something changed and now they both put themselves to sleep. DD started that all on her own about 10months, and DS I worked towards from about 3 months, started self settling at 6 months. Now I give him a bottle, sing to him and put him in bed and he will talk for anywhere up to half an hour and then go to sleep. DD I read a book, brush her teeth, we pray and sing, tuck her in and kiss, then lights out and she is meant to go to sleep. Since transitioning to s big bed she will often come out s few times, but it's straight back to bed, no nonsense and she eventually falls alseep. Sometimes not till 9-10, even if we put her in at 7.30, but she stays in her room and we mostly don't hear her.
Sorry that's no help, just wanted to say it will hopefully get there! Try putting a portacot in your room for when she wakes up at night? If DD wakes up hysterical at night she sleeps on the floor, she has never been good at sleeping in our bed anyways, so I just put a cot mattress on the floor next to my bed and she sleeps there. Hope you get it sorted before you have another one!