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How to cope with unwelcome comments Rss

I know its rather ridiculous that their main focus it to make me feel insecure about body my love life etc. I know i shouldnt let it get to me. Its quite amazing the change in what is respectful to do or say to a woman when she is pregnant to when she is not. I know what you mean Crizzy, im a size 8/10 with E cups.. no way to hide those bad boys, but they sure do look great! wink
Unfortunately it's just the start of it when you get pregnant. 'Well meaning' people feel the need to comment and ask unbelievably personal questions for the foreseeable future. Once baby is born they will ask you about details of the birth, if you are breast feeding, when you will have more. Then there are the comments on your parenting skills.

I usually take the sarcastic route and say something narky which isn't very nice, but quite satisfying smile

I remember being asked by a random old duck if I was breast feeding and said 'sure do you want to see?' And made out like I was going to whip out a boob in front of her. The constant questions about if we were having a boy or a girl used to do my head in too.

You really need to develop a thick skin as a mumma sadly. I got a few unwelcome comments at work and addressed it directly. But you do need to feel comfortable doing it and it might be worth talking to a manager. I just said 'hey guys, if I wasn't pregnant, do you really think it would be normal or ok for you to ask me about my boobs, weight, my marital status?', 'the answer is no, so let's all try and not harass the pregnant lady'. I got a few people with noses out of joint, but they couldn't deny I had a good point so they dropped it after a while.

Congrats on baby smile

I had some similar comments from customers at work, but Im 41 with baby number 1 almost here and wasnt married (how shocking LOL). I just said to them straight, "you seem to be happy to make judgements about my life so I figure its fair game for me to make them about yours" never heard another word from them smile

But I must admit I probably wouldnt have had the guts to say it at your age, just being older I guess makes it easier to tell them to F*** Off

Hold your head up and ignore the twits, good luck.

haha tarajs01 i have no problem either telling people where to go, but 1 im in a higher position then these "mature ladies" and 2 i would love to go back to working there a day or so a week after bub is settled to keep my sanity so to speak.. good luck and wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Clax i really like your way of addressing the matter, i think that is the most suited to me and the most appropriate for my work place. Thankyou!
I just cant believe all of these beautiful women already having to endure body changes and body hangups etc have to take slack from other people.. very frustrating.

I now have a new sense of respect for any mother out there, I never realised how strong they are.

wishing health and happiness to all the other mums out there, you're all beautiful and amazing women!
I found the best way to get through it was just walk away when the conversation made me uncomfortable. People soon got to know my boundaires smile sarcastic and snarky comments might feel ok with strangers, but I really advise against speaking to your colleagues like that. It will come back to bite you.
I had all sorts, people telling me I was getting fat (as a 'joke'), people touching my belly constantly, people giving me advice on how to get through labour, men colleagues making jokes about how my vagina would be 'stretched', people asking me if I had considered having an abortion. Just horrible.

Honestly, people like this choose to comment on your pregnancy beacause they have shit people skills and can't think of anything else to say to you. And like the others said, wait till the baby is born this will seem like nothing lol
Kell_maree wrote:
haha tarajs01 i have no problem either telling people where to go, but 1 im in a higher position then these "mature ladies" and 2 i would love to go back to working there a day or so a week after bub is settled to keep my sanity so to speak.. good luck and wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Thank you smile
Going back to work isn't a problem, thats already been sorted. The smart assed comments directed to me were from customers, work mates and boss have been fantastic

oh... my belly isnt visible to people who dont know yet, but i am preparing! My retail store has the snooty kind of customers...
Clax wrote

I remember being asked by a random old duck if I was breast feeding and said 'sure do you want to see?' And made out like I was going to whip out a boob in front of her.

oh my gosh i nearly spat my drink on my laptop haha her face and reaction must have been priceless!!!

NZ Mumma + 1 wrote:
men colleagues making jokes about how my vagina would be 'stretched',

oh yes i had a 19yo boy at uni tell me " after 4 kids it must be like throwing a sausage down a hallway trying to have sex" while i think now that this is a funny description it sure was humiliating and hurtful at the time..

Mum of 3 girls, 1 boy, 1 angel, 1 on the way!

It just amazes me how older people (who should know better!) are the rudest! I was once told by an older man that I was too young to have a 4yo and another one on the way - I quickly prompted him that I was 32 and married. He quickly jumped back and apologized - filled with compliments on how I passed as a teenager. Because I am a small size, any weight gain is noticed by other women and very quickly commented on. My hubby once went on (and on, and on...) to a pregnant woman about how big she was getting - I quickly pulled him aside and told him how women, no matter what situation they are in, are never glad to hear about how big they are - he was shocked - he thought that she would love to hear it (being a bloke, if you having something bigger than the person next to you - you brag about it!!!).

The trick is to come back at them - often they don't realise what they are saying is rude and inappropriate. I know its hard to come up with something smart and witty with a pregnancy brain - but, its amazing how far a little guilt back at them can go.
Some people hey! Its harder to cope with silly people when you have hormones going a bit nuts too! I always got the big comments, I just have big babies lol.... thankfully that didn't bother me.... but the way a couple of people reacted when I said I was having a c section shocked me, they even knew why it was necessary.

You could also guilt them, you know, pretend to cry next time they say something... they'll at least be embarrassed that they made a pregnant lady cry.

Crizzy, thats nuts! First I think you're amazing having 4 lil ones!!! Maybe people are envious! As for that dude... I doubt he'd have any clue about sex since douche bags like that probably struggle to get any!

I have 2 DSs but I'm still annoying for the opposite reason, I love pregnancy and it amazes me so I'll tell my friends how amazing they are allll day long lol.
Some people can make nasty comments hey?! If its getting you that down I would take it to the manager (or her manager if she is also participating in the comments) and let them know how its making you feel etc. I dont recall that many severly insensitive comments while I was pregnant, but I doubt I'll ever be able to forget a work colleague commenting when I went in with DS to visit workmates, she looked at DS and said to him "It looks like mummys got another one in there doesnt it"! I was gobsmacked. I have had issues with this particular person before (resulting in meetings with the manager and action against her) and then she came out with that. DS was like 2 months old or something at the time, and my midwife etc had been making comments about me fading away etc due to losing weight and then this women says that! In hindsight I should have come back and said "I just had a baby, whats your excuse" or similar because this lady was larger than my post baby body anyway but Im just not that rude and couldnt make myself say the words.

I hope you manage to find a way to make them stop and begin to enjoy work again, this is the last thing you need to be stressing over at this stage of your pregnancy.

Personally I like the idea of going in and saying to them before they can comment "yes I look bigger, yes Im still moddy, no I dont want to hear about it" etc like a previous person mentioned doing. Doubt anyone would comment about it again (that day at least). Lol.
Ah yes I remember this all too well. I had just started a new job and then fell pregnant about 2 months later with my boyfriend. It's like as soon as you're pregnant the world feels the right to comment on everything about you, the way you look and what you are or aren't doing. I had numerous comments like "she must have known she was pregnant when she started here" and "wow you're getting big aren't you" and are you going to try and lose the weight" and "I don't think you should be wearing heels" and "are you going to get married" and soooo many more. I can understand how you feel and it's not a nice feeling at all. I am now married and I have lost all that weight that those people referred to. I worked in a mainly male based workplace and I can tell you that they can be nasty too. I couldn't do or say much at the time other than confront the people that were saying I was pregnant when I started there and after they did the math they soon realised I wasn't. I stuck it out until 7months pregnant, left and never looked back. Unfortunately they made that pregnancy really hard for me and I know I'm not going to let that happen again by surrounding myself by those sorts of people. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy. Know that you are creating something wonderful, you're happy with where your life and relationship is and soon all your focus will be on raising a child that will be sensitive to other people's feelings smile
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