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How to deal with MIL Lock Rss

Hi everyone, I am after some advice on how to deal with my horrible MIL

Here's the back story..... when I was expecting my first child, my MIL did her usual nasty routine - i.e. when we asked her, when the baby was born, to call before dropping over for visits to make sure we are ok for visitors - she threw a screaming tantrum about how dare we ask such things of her (yep, manners is an outrageous concept to this woman). When we got her visit at the hospital after I had my baby, she stormed in, tried to take the baby from my arms, when I instinctively shied back, she slapped me and grunted and then made a scene because we didn't greet her by placing the baby directly into her arms (yep, she also thinks she's the queen of England) and, then sat there telling me how her daughter had a bigger baby, how her daughter had a harder labour, how her daughter.. blah blah... she is basically a vile human being.

Anyway, my husband and I are now expecting number two and I am anticipating another round of her... umm... personality. I don't even want to be there when my husband tells her. I have had much luck avoiding her so far - I think one visit a year is my limit - but I want very clear behaviour boundaries set when it comes to dealing with her. The other problems is, is my husband is very accepting of her behaviour and just switches off when she starts - he grew up with it and just pretends nothing is happening. He believes I should do the same.

What I want to do is make it very clear that her behaviour is not acceptable and if she does not start amend her behaviour, she will not have access to our kids.

So, my question is - how do I say this? When we have confronted her in the past, she doesn't believe she is ever in the wrong and believes that she is entirely entitled to behave like a pig - basically, plays the victim. What is a very clear, distinct way that she can be told?
You poor thing! I couldn't get past the fact she slapt you WTF!!! WHAT did hubby do? I would've biffed her out then and there. Nothing you say or do is going to change her.

I'd simply say your violent behaviour toward me and my family is unacceptable. You are not welcome to be apart of mine or my children's lives.

I've had that conversation. We are all happier for it smile
She SLAPPED you? Like in the face?!! Whhhhatttt??????

If you're uncomfortable talking to her and hubby wont back you up in a conversation then maybe write a letter. I most likely wouldn't say 'change or you can't see my kids' as that will invite defensive and aggressive behavior. I would provide examples of how she has acted in the past and said how that hurt you:

ie when you slapped me in the hospital I felt.... ( eg scared because I wasn't sure why you were acting that why)
when you did this I felt.... ( eg frustrated because I felt like you weren't listening to me)
when you said this I felt..... (and so on)

And actually, your hubby needs to step up. Its his mum and you're bearing the brunt of her shitty behavior. Ask him if he would expect you to intervene if the tables were turned and it was your mum.

And I'd just ignore the stuff about her going on about her daughter. Just go to your happy place. Thats typical MIL stuff lol.
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