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feel like a bad person Rss

Hi girls! How have you been? Sorry but I really need to vent! I hope some of you can relate! Because I feel so bad about how I feel… I’ve just found out that my cousin and his wife are expecting their 2nd baby. Don’t get me wrong! I am happy for them! But every time I hear that someone is pregnant I feel so sad and depressed. And as ashamed as I am to say it I’m so jealous! When it going to be my turn???? WHEN? Everyone in my life is pregnant or already has children. Literally everyone I know! I receive at least one invitation to a baby shower per week! It’s insane and it’s driving me crazy! It’s getting me so down that I find myself making excuses not to go around friends and family houses like I used to. I can’t bare feeling like this!!! Do you think I’m a bit*h?? So sorry for this post. I feel like a bad person. I hope I’m not alone...
First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I'm 12 weeks after 9 years of TTC and battle with PCOS – eventually we did IVF with de. My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad. It seems impossible to me… Any comments would be appreciated.
I totally understand how you feel. I try to be happy for others but deep down inside I’m so jealous... I think we have every right to feel the way we do... It’s human nature. We are trying and longing for a baby... And when someone else gets pregnant it’s a downer. Don’t apologize for your feelings. Just try to channel that negative energy in another way. My best friend called yesterday to tell me that she is expecting! While I am happy for her, I can’t help but be jealous. She has only been trying for 2 months (naturally)... I’m so depressed... I so feel like I’m getting my rag! I just try to remember that I am still blessed with the things I do have and know that someday it will be my turn! Hang in there. It will be our turn too!
You’re definitely not alone. I was just out with dh and in a span of an hour I heard about 2 different couples that are preg. It is hard... I just try to think that my time will come soon. I guess what keeps me going is thinking that everything happens for a reason. There must be a reason I'm not 7 month preg. right now. I believe it will be my turn soon.

Korailily14 wrote:
First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I'm 12 weeks after 9 years of TTC and battle with PCOS – eventually we did IVF with de. My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad. It seems impossible to me… Any comments would be appreciated.


The baby shower thing will probably be me in two weeks. My good friend is due the end of Jan. and I would've been due in Fab. I have to go. She has been so supportive of me... But the texts about her baby's weight and who the baby looks like in utero are a bit much. As for your case... First of all my congratulations! I’m sincerely happy for you, dear! You obviously have to tell your friend at work. I think she will be supportive because you have similar paths... Your story is inspiring for me. So I think you will be a pure inspiration for her as well. I'm sure she will be happy for you. Good luck!
Korailily14 wrote:
First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I'm 12 weeks after 9 years of TTC and battle with PCOS – eventually we did IVF with de. My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad. It seems impossible to me… Any comments would be appreciated.


I would tell the friend but be sensitive to the fact that she is struggling. Make sure that you don't make a huge deal about your happiness. Remember how you felt being in her shoes. Also make sure that co-workers don't make a huge deal about it. Tell her that she is next. Tell her if it happened for you it will for her. All everyone wants is hope. Treat her with the sensitivity you wanted before.

I am not jealous so much of my friend's success but of my in-laws. They financially help my brother in law family but won't help us with the cost of IVF. They are incredibly wealthy and have even given my brother (who works with my husband and makes the exact same salary) pretty big sum to buy a house. They say that they help the brother because he has children and we do not. I am so angry and jealous that they will help the others who have children and have money but not us who are childless and desperately struggle with infertility. I am trying not to hate my mother in law but it is hard. My mother in law hates my brother’s wife. She tells me that those grandchildren need a good aunt and that we should be there for them. She tells that those children are already in the world… Her words make me so sad and mad! I’ve decided the next time she tells me those words I’m going to tell her that they need a good grandmother and that maybe she should quit traveling all the time and stay home more to be with them. They are rich people and I just don't understand. They actually like me but they have this twisted sense of what is fair.
You’re not a bad person. I wouldn't say I am jealous. And trust me I have thought about this a lot. Hearing someone else is pregnant just reminds me of this very uphill struggle I am in. It brings me back to the depression I have to fight every day to keep going to my dream. I am in the same boat. Every of our friends has had their babies and moved on to their second in the last two years we have been trying. We are about to start surrogacy as it is our only option to get pregnant. Even our friends doing IVF have been successful and are starting on #2. Infertility is just unfair. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed. I am so depressed and of course those seem to be the times when someone else I know reveals their pregnancy. Or one better is when a coworker brings me her sonogram picture and brag about getting pregnant on her first month trying AGAIN! She is half way to #2! And we started trying for #1 way before she and her dh did. Not to mention we have spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on failed treatments. I am not sure how to make this better. I personally am in a place where I no longer want to hear it will happen when it’s supposed to or everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah. I cannot believe there is any good reason for infertility in a person that so desperately wants a baby and yet terrible people get pregnant so easily every fckn day. Sorry this is my rant. Bottom line... You are not a bit*h and not alone.

I didn't mean the way I feel is by any means the right or best way to feel. In fact I wish I still felt that this was happening for a reason or that my DH and I getting pregnant was even a good possibility. I just can't get to that place anymore. I really have lost most hope especially since it is never going to happen by any natural means. It will always take intervention which means I have to be willing to keep trying which I am just about done with. I would truly want to believe there was a reason for it.
This thread is like reading my diary. I was the last one of every group to get married. Friends from my town, friends my grade school, friends my high school, friends from jobs - all have multiple kids. I know people who were told they did not ovulate and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who had one ovary and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who got pregnant at 41 with no meds. I know people who had twins the first time they had unprotected sex. I know people who had 5 abortions and had kids with no problems - you name it. And I am about to HOST a second baby shower after all my miscarriages. But what can you do? A baby is a great thing. I can't expect people to apologize for a new life. I do wish they would stop complaining about their heartburn or sore feet or gas to me though. Then they say to me "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" And I think to myself - if I could live through my mcs then I think I can handle a little gas or sore feet. I think when I'm finally successful at this I promise not to complain to any woman in my life who is not a mom.
Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am. I wish I were in better spirits to start the New Year! My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our first baby for 3 years now. It's been so frustrating! We have zero progress. We're currently seeing our RE. There are no good news at all… I think we’ll have to turn to IVF… I don’t know how I feel about it. And honestly I do not want to think about it now. We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, 2 IUIs but nothing. Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless. My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI. She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been. It's been so hard!! And what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Feb and Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly. I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby. He just doesn't understand. Anyone have any encouraging words?
Hi lovelies. This pains to see hoe many of us are/have experienced the same feeling..I thought it would be so easy to conceive. Little did I know that it would be so difficult and excruciatingly painful!! I was 37 yrs old. I was not too young but not too old either. Science has come a long way I knew and even if this couldn't happen naturally we could try IVF. Though at one particular moment I felt like I never wanted to do that to myself. After all the failures with IUI and Clomid cycles, every AF was another heartbreak. So did I sound selfish? was I really paying for the consequences of my past choices? I didn't know what to do. I was totally disappointed but at the same time there was still some hope inside of me that one day I could manage to become a mother and give my wonderful dh the chance to be a father. So we went ahead with IVF shots using own eggs. It turned out to be another disaster for us, as my eggs have dramatically declined in number and quality..We finally used donor egg at biotex overseas which was our last treatment resort. The thing I wanna say is that we all have those bad days and tough moments when struggling. But this never makes us ugly people. It just takes us a bit longer to achieve our dreams. Stay well, lovelies, and be kind to yourself ALWAYS.
Stellavanile wrote:
Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am. I wish I were in better spirits to start the New Year! My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our first baby for 3 years now. It's been so frustrating! We have zero progress. We're currently seeing our RE. There are no good news at all… I think we’ll have to turn to IVF… I don’t know how I feel about it. And honestly I do not want to think about it now. We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, 2 IUIs but nothing. Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless. My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI. She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been. It's been so hard!! And what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Feb and Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly. I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby. He just doesn't understand. Anyone have any encouraging words?

I'm so sorry you haven't got luck yet. And this must be hard for you not to have the needed support from your hubby. Sth makes me feel like he pretends to be strong. But actually is struggling to cope with the emotional burden inside..Probably, he just doesn't want to show you he might be weak just like others when it come to infertility issues..Not insisting though..I believe he's on his way, just needs some more time..I have been with my husband for 7 years now. He's the light of my life. Everything I ever wanted. When we first got married ,and the couple of years that followed,everyone around us started bombarding us with questions about when we'd have a baby and why we haven't yet etc etc.. I remember how frustrated I'd get and how the nerve of these people got to me. Truth is I wasn't ready to have a baby yet. I was in my early 30s I was with this wonderful guy and all I wanted to do was enjoy my life just being with him. The last thing on my mind was having a kid. My husband on the other hand had a different opinion. Nevertheless he waited patiently until I was ready and we started trying...Later all my story turned into a text book of infertility treatments..
@Zozodr44,
I'm sorry to hear about your inner strugglings..
Hi not sure if it helps but won’t do any harm trying I took supplements for 3 mths but we still Miscarried(3rd) I took dhea, ubiquinol,pow, zinc, royal jelly maca, vits,d omega 3 fish oil dha, folic acid was taking about 20 tablets a day. I was taking to improve egg health too.
Did you try any ART options?
Just like everybody before me said, this is not the reason to consider yourself a bad person. It is a normal feeling and you sound like you really want it, which only makes you ready for it, not a bad person. Have patience and your time will come, Just remember all those stories where people forced something, and the moment they took a step back and relaxed, it happened.We all have faith in you!
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