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Did anyone tell you? Rss

Just wondering if anyone has been really honest with a pregnant lady about how much a drug free birth hurts?
From my experience most people aren't completely honest, especially the ones closest to you! I was really disappointed in them. They all told me it was because they were worried they would scare me! But I think that I might have been able to prepare myself mentally a lot better if someone had been straight forward with me. Oh well it's over... and I will probably go back again lol but just wonder if anyone is calling it how they feel it?!
Labour hurts with drugs too. I had pethadine believing it would take the pain away, and it made no difference. The pain was just as intense. I had gas toward the end which also didn't take the pain away, but it gave me a distraction having to suck on the mouthpiece.

This time I'm aiming for drug free. I really don't believe it'll be much different in terms of pain. Not unless its a bigger baby or complications. That being said I'm probably not qualified to comment yet seeing as I havnt actually had a drug free birth! I hope I'm not being unrealistic in saying that I think the pain will be just as bad.

Well done to you but, you should be so proud!





Labour hurts with drugs too. I had pethadine believing it would take the pain away, and it made no difference. The pain was just as intense. I had gas toward the end which also didn't take the pain away, but it gave me a distraction having to suck on the mouthpiece.

This time I'm aiming for drug free. I really don't believe it'll be much different in terms of pain. Not unless its a bigger baby or complications. That being said I'm probably not qualified to comment yet seeing as I havnt actually had a drug free birth! I hope I'm not being unrealistic in saying that I think the pain will be just as bad.

Well done to you but, you should be so proud!


Yes I used pethidine and G/A as well but I reckon I felt it all as it had well and truly worn off by the time I got into those non spaced apart contractions and pushing of course. Didn't use G/A by that time either. Pethidine didn't take the pain away just made me drowsy but unable to sleep? Anyways I wont be using it again. Only an epidural really takes the pain away, though i'm still a bit hesitant to try.

I'm pure evil and have told quite a few childless friends how much it hurts. Like being ripped apart and having acid thrown on you...may have been one description. But personally the contractions at the end are the worst, no escaping the pain (no position helps in this part)! Mwahahaha...Ok I don't think ive told people who are actually pregnant all that though. I'm hoping it keeps my 15yo niece and 18yo sister from getting knocked up too young though lol.

DS - Nov 2008 & DD - Feb 2012

Everyone made it a point to tell me how horrible it would all be...except that it wasn't. The definition of 'pain' is relative to the person experiencing it. I would much prefer to give birth a million times over than have a shaving nick for example. My pain level never reached above a 1 or 2 with DS2 (drug free home water birth) on a scale of 1-10 and never above a 5 with DS1 who I only used a couple of puffs of gas and air for.

When I share my birth story I don't focus on the 'pain', that wasn't my primary focus at the time and if I do mention it, it is usually a passing comment. I tend to focus on positions I found useful, how long the labour was, measurements and that's about it. If I do reference pain, it is usually to say it is like a pain you have never experienced before, because that is true, it's unlike anything I had ever felt before...but it doesn't create expectations of what their experience might be like based on my 'pain free' experience' or someone else's 'horror' experience.

That's not to say that some other woman might not find it "Like being ripped apart and having acid thrown on you.", but that wasn't my experience and I didn't find it the least bit helpful going into my first birth being scared sh*tless about the pain because everyone I knew had to tell me their 'pain worse than death' story. I was so happy that the level of pain that I was supposed to experience never materialised.


I never mislead people i tell about the pain. I hate pain- more than lots of people and i am a bit scared about the birth of this baby in a month or so BUT i do handle pain quite well and i KNOW that once it starts it will be ok.

i was honestly suprised at how little it does hurt. i had drug free births - i went into my first experience with an open mind about drugs (although i prefered not to have them) and didn't need them at all.

Yes it hurt, Yes i cried out (but i also think this may have helped the pushing stage) But i honestly found the stitching up (with gas and injections) and the after pains when BF worse. And i am very thankful that my births have all been quick because i found the most difficult part of labour was the early stages when nothing seems to be happening.

Birth Pain is different from any other pain. the closest i can think of is excersise pain. I think what makes it hard to deal with is the fact that we voluntarily (usually) enter into it and we expect it months in advance. Most pain we have no expectation of till we are experiencing it (like if we get injured)
I had a range of responses from people.. some say it was the worst thing they ever had to endure and others who said it was like going to the toilet lol.. I basically told myself I would be close to death - better to over prepare! I only just had my baby and it's my first at that, so I can't really compare but it wasn't AS BAD as I was imagining - that being said.. If someone gave me a butter knife towards the end I probably would have cut her out myself! but truly.. my constant morning sickness throughout the whole pregnancy was worse. When people ask me about it, I tell them how it truly felt for me. I feel I have a really good pain threshold though... so it really depends on the person and the way they labour.

Just wondering if anyone has been really honest with a pregnant lady about how much a drug free birth hurts?
From my experience most people aren't completely honest, especially the ones closest to you! I was really disappointed in them. They all told me it was because they were worried they would scare me! But I think that I might have been able to prepare myself mentally a lot better if someone had been straight forward with me. Oh well it's over... and I will probably go back again lol but just wonder if anyone is calling it how they feel it?!


You can't tell a person how much it will hurt. It is different for everybody. Just look at this site to see how people interpret in what is essentially the same process. Everybody has different factors as to how their birth plays out, as in position of bubs, the shape of their pelvis, how tense their muscles are, the position they are in, how relaxed they are, where they are, their support, their fears, their attitude. All of these can affect the pain in a birth significantly. Then of course there are the things you implement to manage the pain. there are drugs of course, but there are also a heap of other things you can do to relieve it. Attitude and education (as in knowing whats happening and why) is also important for being able to cope. I don't mean just go to an antenatal at the hospital. Read books and do an active birth course so you get the ins and outs.

Everybody told me their horror stories. Strangers, people I barely knew. The only person who didn't have a horror story was mum. 3 kids, the first born bum first vaginally drug free. Even that wasn't a horror story. I don't tell people a horror story because I didn't have one. I wasn't "lucky". I just had a different attitude. I also made sure i hired a midwife I was comfortable with and chose to have my babies at home as it was where I was comfortable and felt safe. i didn't have painful births by any stretch of the imagination. I am sure somebody else who had the same births but went in thinking that this is the worst thing that has ever happened and that they were a victim - they would have a totally different story.

I think to assume that all drug free births are horrendous is a reflection on an individuals experience and a justification of their own experience, rather then spreading the true nature of birth. It is totally unfair on those aiming for a drug free birth because all births are different. Its like me saying your birth will be great, because mine was. Your attitude and your perception of birth plays a massive part in it. If you go into it assuming it will be the most painful thing ever and your terrified, you aren't magically going to have a great birth. You need to get your head in the right space and to have people bombarding you with how everything went wrong for them and to be prepared because it probably will for you too....its just not realistic and all it does is to perpetuate the social expectation that birth is some horrendous experience. Sure it is for some. Some people are traumatised by birth and they don't even have things go wrong. You just can't lump your own feelings and experiences on others as it won't be true for them. If you want to look at the varying attitudes on birth, compare the birth stories on this site, to a homebirth site. Some of their stories are so without action, they are classed as boring/normal. Both of mine were like that. I went to write my birth stories, but there was really nothing to say. I went into labour, they were born. Nothing really happened in between. Its all about your own attitude. wink
After reading some posts after my first post on this topic (horrendous too I must add, sorry), I have reflected on my attitude to birth quite a bit. So thank-you for enlightening me. I am one of those people that get anxious over any sort of experience that is unknown, gee i'm scared of anything remotely scary or slightly painful. I still freeze up for pap smears even though ive had many and ive done much worse going through child birth. I think my mind goes into overdrive and I freak myself out. I probably don't breathe properly and tense right up, which is bad for pain. So in turn it probably made my birth alot worse than it could've been possibly?

I don't know how to fix this, especially as i'm going to have to experience childbirth again and there is no going back now eeep. I try to joke a bit but it scares me to death. In fact I avoid thinking about it too much but this probably isn't helpful in the long run. Those of you that had good, relaxed births...did you read any books? And if so what were they? Or do you suggest any other material to read? Thanks and sorry to OP for bombarding this thread smile

DS - Nov 2008 & DD - Feb 2012


After reading some posts after my first post on this topic (horrendous too I must add, sorry), I have reflected on my attitude to birth quite a bit. So thank-you for enlightening me. I am one of those people that get anxious over any sort of experience that is unknown, gee i'm scared of anything remotely scary or slightly painful. I still freeze up for pap smears even though ive had many and ive done much worse going through child birth. I think my mind goes into overdrive and I freak myself out. I probably don't breathe properly and tense right up, which is bad for pain. So in turn it probably made my birth alot worse than it could've been possibly?

I don't know how to fix this, especially as i'm going to have to experience childbirth again and there is no going back now eeep. I try to joke a bit but it scares me to death. In fact I avoid thinking about it too much but this probably isn't helpful in the long run. Those of you that had good, relaxed births...did you read any books? And if so what were they? Or do you suggest any other material to read? Thanks and sorry to OP for bombarding this thread smile


hi there,

You are spot on, your anxiety absolutely would have impacted on it. The only time I felt what I would describe as proper pain was when all the voices of people telling me how awful it would be popped up. I thought "this is going to be so painful" I totally tensed up and it was. I made myself relax and not panic) and the pain went away immediately.

You could read any janet balaskas, sheila kitzinger, books on active birth, birth skills. Read about how to manage it and different methods of coping. You need to start getting your head in the right space, hang out with like minded people. In SA they run active birth workshops at glenelg at coast yoga centre. Look up active birth on the internet. Get a good support network. A doula may be of help to you to keep your birth space clear so you can focus. You just need to take it slow, one breath at a time. Don't think about whats coming up. Just break it into tiny pieces and do one little bit at a time. Dim the lights, play some soft music, whatever you need to make yourself feel safe. If you don't want other people in the room - tell them. Its all about you. If you are relaxed and safe, then chances are your baby will be too.
xxxx

hi there,

You are spot on, your anxiety absolutely would have impacted on it. The only time I felt what I would describe as proper pain was when all the voices of people telling me how awful it would be popped up. I thought "this is going to be so painful" I totally tensed up and it was. I made myself relax and not panic) and the pain went away immediately.

You could read any janet balaskas, sheila kitzinger, books on active birth, birth skills. Read about how to manage it and different methods of coping. You need to start getting your head in the right space, hang out with like minded people. In SA they run active birth workshops at glenelg at coast yoga centre. Look up active birth on the internet. Get a good support network. A doula may be of help to you to keep your birth space clear so you can focus. You just need to take it slow, one breath at a time. Don't think about whats coming up. Just break it into tiny pieces and do one little bit at a time. Dim the lights, play some soft music, whatever you need to make yourself feel safe. If you don't want other people in the room - tell them. Its all about you. If you are relaxed and safe, then chances are your baby will be too.
xxxx


Hi OC1246 and thanks for the reply,

I googled active birth and it brought up an article written by Janet Balaskas actually, very good read. Another thing with my labour was that it was very long, DS never engaged before I started so it took a long time. By the end I was so exhausted (and possibly drowsy from pethidine I had earlier) I didn't have the energy to do anything but lay on the bed which is agonising. It took me an hour to push him out and his head kept going back up, something related to me laying on my back I believe. I found the book online so i'm buying it now, yay. I'm feeling very positive right now, which I am surprised about, thanks again xx

DS - Nov 2008 & DD - Feb 2012


Hi OC1246 and thanks for the reply,

I googled active birth and it brought up an article written by Janet Balaskas actually, very good read. Another thing with my labour was that it was very long, DS never engaged before I started so it took a long time. By the end I was so exhausted (and possibly drowsy from pethidine I had earlier) I didn't have the energy to do anything but lay on the bed which is agonising. It took me an hour to push him out and his head kept going back up, something related to me laying on my back I believe. I found the book online so i'm buying it now, yay. I'm feeling very positive right now, which I am surprised about, thanks again xx


That is great! I am so pleased for you! Not sure what your library is like, but I have found a few of their books at our local one. There is also the pink kit, which you may be interested in. http://birthingbetter.com/products/the-pink-kit-package.html
xxx
i found the tearing feeling and getting stiches worse then the actaul labour it self no tearing with last two i i would say labour is not that painful i decribe it as a different pain except to dp then it is the most painful thing a women can go though
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