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Hi all....i have never written in a forum before, never blogged before so i really dont know where to start.

Today i shook my 2yo son. Why? He wouldnt eat his breakfast. I got angry with him because he wouldnt eat his breakfast. The look he gave me will stay with me till i die. Sheer horror, confusion and fear. He ran off to his bedroom crying and i ran in the opposite direction. I had become 'one of those' people. The type of person i swore i would never be like. What kind of parent physically hurts their child out of sheer rage? Me. As you would expect, i hightailed it straight to my gp. I got an immediate refferal to a psychologist and begin my long journey tomorrow at 1pm.

The funny thing is that i know what is wrong with me. I know why i feel like this. I know and i understand, yet sometimes it is like i am also an onlooker as, despite the fact that i know, i cannot do anything to stop it.

My second son is difficult. He is 5mths old and all he seems to do is cry. I know its not all he does, but he just has one of those cries that grates your nerves. And he does whinge and cry alot, and he doesnt sleep during the day. He sleeps so well during the night, not a peep out of him from 6pm, but during the day, he wont sleep longer than 20mins 3 times a day. By 4pm he has had enough and loudly lets me know. To make my situation worse, my partner works away a month at a time and i have no family and all my friends have their own families to worry about. I feel utterly alone and isolated.

So i have made the first step to recovery. Like an alcoholic i guess. First step is admitting you have a problem.
I have a problem and it is called Postnatal Depression.

I have come here for support. To let you know that unlike what i thought, you who is reading my little rant, is not alone. I am not alone. Other mothers have suffered before me.

So begins my journey....i will let you know where we end up!
You have already taken the hardest steps. Admitting you need help, finding help, and talking about it.

I know because I have suffered from depression as well, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't be too hard on yourself your son will forgive you (proberbly already has), but do continue to seek help.

Good luck with the psychologist. I'm thinking of you.
We are very pleased to hear that you have sought professional help.

We also have some info on our site on Post Natal Depression, including a list of support services, which you might like to also keep on hand. Many of the support lines operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and are only a phone call away if you need any additional after hours support.

Take care.
Well done to you for being brave enough to seek help. I wish you all the very best for your treatment.
I've had anti-natal depression with my last two pregnancies and Post Natal Depression with all 3 babies. There are anti-depressants that you can take during pregnancy that work well. It's up to you about them. I've used them during pregnancy and had no problems. Letting your Dr know about your concerns regarding depression is very important. The can get you to do a questionair that gives them a scale on how you are going depression wise. Better to get onto it now, than to let it eat away at you. I found the difference between pregnancy hormones and depression is your thought patterns are just not good, dark or out of character for you. Look up some info online about anti-natal depression and it might give you a better idea. Seeking help asap is the best thing you can do, if you don't get help from your usual Dr go to someone else or find out if there is someone in your area that deals with depression. Best thing I ever did was seek help with my first bout of PND. Because then I recognised it when it started to show with my second pregnancy ante-natally. So when I had my baby, counselling and all that was already in place to help me cope.

My first two babies were planned, but my third wasn't. I remember thinking OMG PND again, will have to go off the medication I was on and how am I going to cope with 3 kids. My family was worried too, which made me feel like more of a loser. But at my first appointment I decided to bring up the AND and PND prospects. We checked out medication options and let couselling services that I had used in the past that I was pregnant and my need them. The gave me call just before I had my baby. I didn't need their services this time because of what I had learnt in the past. I didn't have the internet last time either. Making friends on here both online and locally made the world of difference. Facebook have some really nice PND support groups and I know that a few of them have had ante-natal depression. I don't know if I've rambled a bit or repeated myself, but I hope it helped.

You are not alone:) Keep your head up sweetie ((((HUGS))))
Wow i am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update. Last time i checked for this post it seemed as though it had been removed. I just figured that it was because i had put on there that i shook my son and it was not in the sites interests to have a post like that!
Well it is 3 months later. My baby son that cried all the time is now a happy little monkey. AND HE SLEEPS!!
I went to the psychologist and spoke about my feelings and was diagnosed with PND and PNA. I had never heard of PNA (post natal anxiety) but i had it. A fear of letting things go which led to anxiety attacks apparently.
Anyway, it was a long hard road. I never told my partner about my episode of shaking our eldest son, and i think its because in a way, to this day, i am still ashamed of it. Even though i think i am past these bad feelings, i am ashamed of where i went. Where i ended up. I think its also that i didnt want him to know, as here was my partner, who trusts me to care for his children and i felt like i had failed him. I am never really sure if i will ever tell him.
Im better though. Not cured. Not by a long shot, and im not sure i ever will be. I think sometimes in bringing this tiny human being to life, you sometimes give up a part of yourself aswell.
Im fine with that. I love my children more than life itself and if it means that i had to sacrifice a part of me to have them, its a fair deal.
I dont cry anymore for no reason. I am not as angry. I feel good and im enjoying my children instead of resenting them.
I know after reading the previous posts from you other wonderful mothers, that i am not alone. Its ok to be scared, sad, worried, anxious, angry. Its not ok to let it consume you.

Hi, im not even sure if im in the right area, i have 2 kids my youngest just turned one and im about to give birth to a third in march. I should be ecstatic as my other 2 were ivf, this one happened naturally and unplanned. I am excited and i know i will love this baby but it almost feels like a burden to me at the moment. I am 'ok' when im busy but as soon as im alone all i do is cry. Everything gets to me whether its something a stranger has said or something my sister has said to me i take it all the wrong way and feel everyone is against me. I have family closish by to 'help' if i need it but i feel if i ask im failing and i should be able to do it on my own. I am really scared about how i will feel after this baby is born infact i am dreading the day i give birth. i dont feel i can handle this emotionally and i dont know if this is my crazy pregnant lady hormones making me feel this way or if im depressed?
i told my midwife that i wasnt sleeping and was feeling quite anxious and she said it was normal to feel this way? so whats the line between it being normal and depression?
Hi Sarah I think you certainly need to seek some help its hard enough to deal with things just being pregnant let alone when you feel depressed and you have two little ones to deal with.Hope you get this mess still trying to work out how to post haha.There is alot of help out there best of luck xxx
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