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Just need help Rss

I had my first child a week ago and was fine in hospital with the security it offered, now I am home I am struggling so much to keep everything in check. I have a wonderful husband who is trying so hard, but I almost think that makes it worse. It is like I don't want to let him down and so feel even more stupid when I break down and cry. I cannot stop crying and I just don't feel happy. I presume I should be loving my daughter so much, and I mean I do, but at the same time I just don' t feel the closeness to her that I guess I presume I should. I just want to know that I am not alone. I feel so stupid with all of this and want it to get better. Add to this I have no desire to eat, feel sick and feel as if I am struggling to breastfeeding as I get flustered if she doesn't take to it straight away.
Can anyone help by just letting me know that I am not alone.

I had my first child a week ago and was fine in hospital with the security it offered, now I am home I am struggling so much to keep everything in check. I have a wonderful husband who is trying so hard, but I almost think that makes it worse. It is like I don't want to let him down and so feel even more stupid when I break down and cry. I cannot stop crying and I just don't feel happy. I presume I should be loving my daughter so much, and I mean I do, but at the same time I just don' t feel the closeness to her that I guess I presume I should. I just want to know that I am not alone. I feel so stupid with all of this and want it to get better. Add to this I have no desire to eat, feel sick and feel as if I am struggling to breastfeeding as I get flustered if she doesn't take to it straight away.
Can anyone help by just letting me know that I am not alone.



Hey, you are definatley not alone. I always loved my baby in terms that I was very protective of her but I did not fall completley and utterly in love with her and enjoy being a mummy until she was about 5-6 months old. If you keep feeling this way I recommend going to see your midwife/ earlychild clinic/ gp and speaking to them about how you feel. I have told DP that if i feel that way with next bubs to make me go and get some help...those first few months were hard and now that I know how great it feels to love being a mummy I dont want to miss out on those precious moment again. Remember it can take a while for all your emotions to steady themselves out again and im starting to learn my emotions will never be the same again- sometimes I even find myself crying to ad's on the TV!! Remember your hubby loves you, your baby loves you- you are his/her world and sometimes it can take time to get to know your bub and thats ok that the love isnt istant and is completley normal; you have also just been through a major event of birth also so your probably feeling exhausted...its when this takes more than a couple of weeks such as with myself that professional help might be worth a check in x
OfCourse you're not alone... I cried for atleast the first couple weeks. Your emotions are all over the place and it doesn't matter how hard you try to imagine what it will be like... its still a huge shock to the system. As far as keeping things in check... my biggest regret was attempting to have a spotless house and be dressed nice with hair and make up done. If I could turn back time I would have just stayed on the couch with my boobies out and slept when Dd slept. I ended up so stressed and sleep deprived .... as for disappointing your husband.. he just watched you carry a his baby for 9 months and give birth. You're the most amazing woman in the world right now to him and crying and breaking down won't change that. Every new mum feels exactly how you do right now and its perfectly normal. You're doing great and I promise breast feeding will get easier. You do need to eat as much as you can and keep your fluids up though. Goodluck with everything and just know that soon everything will just fall into place and this will all be a blur.
Oh my gosh, you are definitely not alone!!! It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job! Being a mum is hard, especially with a newborn and lack of sleep! It sounds like you need to not be so hard on yourself!

Breastfeeding is hard for some mothers, I have only been able to BF my second child and he is only 8 weeks and it feels like it has been a struggle the whole time, but in reality we have been getting better and faster and now it really isn't something that worries me so much.

Do you have anyone other than your Hubby to help you? I mean friends or family who can do the odd jobs around the house, like the washing, or cleaning or even just to hold bubs while you have a cup of tea and a sit down? If so I would definitely enlist these people even just for a 1/2 hour!

I love both of my children very dearly, but I have struggled with both of them (mostly during the baby stage) as with DD who was FF I never felt like I was needed, as anyone could FF and with DS I am the opposite as I am BFing and sometimes struggle with always being needed!!

If you can I would definitely recommend sleeping when your bub sleeps, as when you get more sleep (which does happened eventually) you will feel more human and less emotional! Your body is still dealing with some crazy pregnancy hormones, so feeling the way you do is completely normal!!!

But I would definitely suggest going to see your GP if you still feel this way in a few weeks!

Hang in there it really does get better!!!! And congrats on the new bub!!
You are not alone. Not everyone has an instant bond with their baby. With DS1 I was struggling to adjust to being a mum and it took time to fall in love with him like I thought I should.
You could be having a huge bout of the baby blues if bub is only a week old but I really think you need to contact your midwife or OB to talk about how you are feeling. They might be able to get you some support.
Thank you all so much. It is nice to just hear what other people have gone through and that I am not alone in my feelings. I am off to the doctors this afternoon so hopefully she can put me in the right direction as well. I know it will get easier eventually, I just have to hold in there until I get to that place.
We have a lot of info on our site on Post Natal Depression which you may be interested in reading. Once you access this link, also click on the green sub headings to the right of the page for additional articles.

Best of luck <span class="emoticon smile">smile</span>
Hope by now you have been to your doctor and are starting to feel a little better. What was the outcome of the doctor's visit? Some doctor's are not experienced with PND but hopefully your Dr is good.
You were very brave to post your feelings and if you need any more help check out http://www.babycoachonline.com
Yes as the other girls have said definitely not alone. I remember feeling that way with my first. I let these feeling go on for 7mth. It all came to a hear one night when DS wouldn't sleep because of Colic, I just snapped I slapped him on his little leg and begged him to just stop. I went out to my lounge room and I felt empty, I felt nothing. I knew this wasn't right and at my next Maternal Health Nurse appointment, a couple of days later, I told her I think I need help. She put me onto a psychologist that specialises in PND and was free through Medicare. After a few sessions with Psychologist recommended a GP that was good with treating PND/Depression. He was so lovely and I was put onto Zoloft. Continued the session with Psychologist till she was happy that I was on the right track to getting better, then she left it that I could contact her if I need her. Basically what she did with me was to listen to all of what was going around in my head and help me work out in small steps towards feeling more in control.

Please if these feeling continue, get help asap. There is no shame in feeling this way or asking for help. I cann't remember much of the first 7mths of my son's life because I left it for so long. Wish you all the best and you can PM me or any of the other girls, that's what makes these forums so good.
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