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PND and lack of attachment Lock Rss

Hi
Has anyone else had problems with bonding with their child whilst having PND.

MY DD1 is now 2 and I don't think I've ever bonded with him properly,
anyone know of ahy thing to help?

Sharon, mum to Oliver DOB 31/10/06 and Amelie DOB


Hi
Has anyone else had problems with bonding with their child whilst having PND.

MY DD1 is now 2 and I don't think I've ever bonded with him properly,
anyone know of ahy thing to help?

Medication and talking to a professional, but in doing so you have to have the want power to make it all work.. Ive been there myself.. But have always bonded with my kids.. Good luck..
I'm sorry you have to go through PND. I have it with my second son (now 10mth) and found I was unable to bond with him until I got help for the PND. I went on meds and got counseling. It was only through the counseling process that I could start to really bond with my baby. I had to journal all the negative thoughts about him and then over time replace them with the truth (ie rather than thinking his behavior ruined my day I started to think less catastrophically and had to make the effort to replace negative thoughts with realistic ones). Even though I didn't verbalise my negativity to him I know my thoughts drove a certain dismissiveness and lack of unconditional love. He is still a whingy clingy child who's never slept past 5.30 but I can now appreciate him and love him for who he is.
I hope you can get help and bond with your child, PND makes everything harder to deal with.
Take care.
I had PND (undiagnosed) with my first, and I found it really difficult to bond with him. The first few months were a blur, and I did rely on others to help step in and be the mother that I couldn't be for a while.
It got to a stage though, where I started to see his personality- he started to respond to me, to smile etc, and thats when we began our relationship.
I did it by ignoring all housework and spending most of the day with him on the couch, getting to know him! It wasn't easy though, and it took us a while to bond and fall in love with each other.
Just becuase you didn't fall in love with your bubs at first sight, doesn't mean that you never will. The fact that you want to deepen your relationship is enough. There is nothing more helpless and heartbreaking knowing that everyone else loves your child more than you. The way my DS and I feel about each other now, I know that no one could love my son more,but it was hard work.
Yes, my negative reactions and dissmissal of him have had an effect on him. We do feed off each other when it comes to negative reaction (can't wait til he turns 16- Ha!). When he was younger, I had to seperate myself from him until I had calmed down, but now he's older, we talk a lot about feelings ie. I'm tired and grumpy, please be nice (it works both ways!lol)
When it comes to discipline, I can't yell at him- it sets him off, and me too. So I have to talk out with him what he's done, how it's unacceptable, and any feelings that might have prompted it.
It is a strange relationship- I love him fiercly, and vice versa, but it's based on mutual respect,understanding and communication of feelings.
You have a little person there, who is capeable of understanding a great deal, and who is capeable of a great love. Develop that relationship with that little person- spend time together (supervised if need be if you feel like you need some backup in case of a meltdown), find a special activity that the both of you can do.
Get Help from those who you trust, seek professional help if you haven't already. Good luck.
I certainly can sympathise with you as I had these feelings with my little boy (now 6 mths).
I remember people asking me if I had bonded with him the moment I saw him and if it was just the most deepest profound love I had ever felt. I replied in truth, which broke my heart and I saw the look in their eyes (a mix of pity and bewildrment), but I couldn't lie - those first 6-8 weeks were just very very tough and I felt none to little of any attachment to my little boy. All I could handle those first few weeks was just to feed him then hand him back to my husband who would settle him. It was awful, but looking back that was the lowest and from there it was up and up.
When my husband went back to work, I found myself alone with the little man and as we began to spend more and more time together our relationship changed. I found myself beginning to feel protective of him, I thought about how I would feel if someone said something terrible to him or hurt him and this stirred up my mothering instinct and and what I soon discovered to be unconditional love for my son. I began to enjoy being able to cuddle him and even the smell of his little breath was gorgeous.
I still have moments when I find myself slipping back to a negative train of thought but I conciously make the effort to divert my thinking. Talkiing to someone and the support of family and friend is priceless.

I had PND (undiagnosed) with my first, and I found it really difficult to bond with him. The first few months were a blur, and I did rely on others to help step in and be the mother that I couldn't be for a while.
It got to a stage though, where I started to see his personality- he started to respond to me, to smile etc, and thats when we began our relationship.
I did it by ignoring all housework and spending most of the day with him on the couch, getting to know him! It wasn't easy though, and it took us a while to bond and fall in love with each other.
Just becuase you didn't fall in love with your bubs at first sight, doesn't mean that you never will. The fact that you want to deepen your relationship is enough. There is nothing more helpless and heartbreaking knowing that everyone else loves your child more than you. The way my DS and I feel about each other now, I know that no one could love my son more,but it was hard work.
Yes, my negative reactions and dissmissal of him have had an effect on him. We do feed off each other when it comes to negative reaction (can't wait til he turns 16- Ha!). When he was younger, I had to seperate myself from him until I had calmed down, but now he's older, we talk a lot about feelings ie. I'm tired and grumpy, please be nice (it works both ways!lol)
When it comes to discipline, I can't yell at him- it sets him off, and me too. So I have to talk out with him what he's done, how it's unacceptable, and any feelings that might have prompted it.
It is a strange relationship- I love him fiercly, and vice versa, but it's based on mutual respect,understanding and communication of feelings.
You have a little person there, who is capeable of understanding a great deal, and who is capeable of a great love. Develop that relationship with that little person- spend time together (supervised if need be if you feel like you need some backup in case of a meltdown), find a special activity that the both of you can do.
Get Help from those who you trust, seek professional help if you haven't already. Good luck.

Sharon, mum to Oliver DOB 31/10/06 and Amelie DOB

Realised I made a typo, DS1 is actually 4 not 2!

I have have been having counselling and wasn't so much undiagnosed in his first year but in denial and did get help but it's really been since having DD2 that the lack of bonding really hit home.

I remember going to mothers groups and not really fitting in or getting the whole mothers thing but getting along with one girl in particular who was pretty down to earth and her saying to me how much she loved her son, more than her husband even, and I just didn't get it. Since having DD2 though I really do understand that wonderful feeling of being in love with your child and I think it's that, that has made me feel guilty for not having had those feelings with my son and never being able to change that, the fact that initially he missed out on having a mum who just loved him unconditionally and fully makes me sad and I know it has shaped who he is today not necessarily for the best.

I do mother him differently and I guess every child is mothered differently according to their needs but sometimes it's hard to make it about him and not my selfish needs for wanting to feel better

Sharon, mum to Oliver DOB 31/10/06 and Amelie DOB


Realised I made a typo, DS1 is actually 4 not 2!

I have have been having counselling and wasn't so much undiagnosed in his first year but in denial and did get help but it's really been since having DD2 that the lack of bonding really hit home.

I remember going to mothers groups and not really fitting in or getting the whole mothers thing but getting along with one girl in particular who was pretty down to earth and her saying to me how much she loved her son, more than her husband even, and I just didn't get it. Since having DD2 though I really do understand that wonderful feeling of being in love with your child and I think it's that, that has made me feel guilty for not having had those feelings with my son and never being able to change that, the fact that initially he missed out on having a mum who just loved him unconditionally and fully makes me sad and I know it has shaped who he is today not necessarily for the best.

I do mother him differently and I guess every child is mothered differently according to their needs but sometimes it's hard to make it about him and not my selfish needs for wanting to feel better
I lost twins stillborn at 7 months 10 years ago and since then have been obssesed about having a baby. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on 13th of january and since then I have felt no feeling towards her, I dont feel like she is mine or that I gave birth to her. I am constantley feeling guilty and want to bond with my baby but dont seem to be able to. I have this constant thought of hurting her and am worried that I might act on them. Last week I opened up to a girlfriend about how I felt and she told me "ohhh how come what is upsetting you" the fact is that nothing is upseting me I have a beautiful house most awesome partner and yet I feel the way I do. Would you ask someone if they had diabetes or hart condition or any other illness what is upsetting them. She made me feel like I am creating this on my self and made me even more closed up and not wanting to share my feeling with anyone... I pray to god that I get to love and care for my child. Sorry about spelling mistakes english is my second language
mersige PLEASE contact someone regarding your feelings.
Thoughts of self harm or harming your baby need to be dealt with.
You deserve to be happy and your baby deserves a happy mother who is able to provide a safe and loving environment.
Please contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or visit www.beyondblue.org.au

it is very important that you seek help for those feelings, even though you havent acted on them, you would never forgive yourself if you did.
Please take a look at our links on Post Natal Depression. Your GP and midwife are also great starting points.

We also have some additional links to support groups in our community which may also be good references.

We hope you find the support you need.

Take care <span class="emoticon smile">smile</span>
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