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making the conscious decision to leave Lock Rss

its the hardest decision i have ever made.
im 22 with 3 kids (4,3,16 months) and am 4 months preg with #4. of late i havent been coping, to the point i was taken to hospital on sunday to get help because family members were worried about me.
im on anti depressants and weekly counselling. but im still not coping. DP isnt coping with it all so i suggested i go away for a week or so because i dont know if this is what i want, an he has told me if i go i dont come back he is sick of being hurt by me (its not the first time i have left but other times i have taken kids) and he oesnt know how to deal with all this and he doesnt know if he can, the time frame is a minimum of 18 months before any real improvement

so today im leaving. im leaving my babies behind, and im leaving the love of my life, because they all deserve better then what i give. but it is killing me. im sitting here crying watching my kids for the last time. i will miss them so much but i dont want to deal with it all.
at the moment death looks good. im too scared to take my own life but i do constantly think of self harm. i would protect my kids from anything and everything if they were about to be hit by a car i would take that hit, but i cant protect them from me. DP goes to work and worries about what he will come home to.

so it is best for me to go.
i dont know the point of this, i needed to get it out. im waiting till 8 then ringing docs and my counsellor. i have packing to do

Sweetie, do not wait to call your doctor and counciller. you need to talk to someone NOW. I can call someone for you if you'de like. Please just take some long deep breaths and try to calm down. If you are close to a family memeber give them a call to come around and be with you. Please dont do anything silly. Your kids need their mumma, regardless of how you are feeling right now, your babies need you.
Please talk to someone now. You have a beautiful family who need you.
Please talk to someone and get some help.





its the hardest decision i have ever made.
im 22 with 3 kids (4,3,16 months) and am 4 months preg with #4. of late i havent been coping, to the point i was taken to hospital on sunday to get help because family members were worried about me.
im on anti depressants and weekly counselling. but im still not coping. DP isnt coping with it all so i suggested i go away for a week or so because i dont know if this is what i want, an he has told me if i go i dont come back he is sick of being hurt by me (its not the first time i have left but other times i have taken kids) and he oesnt know how to deal with all this and he doesnt know if he can, the time frame is a minimum of 18 months before any real improvement

so today im leaving. im leaving my babies behind, and im leaving the love of my life, because they all deserve better then what i give. but it is killing me. im sitting here crying watching my kids for the last time. i will miss them so much but i dont want to deal with it all.
at the moment death looks good. im too scared to take my own life but i do constantly think of self harm. i would protect my kids from anything and everything if they were about to be hit by a car i would take that hit, but i cant protect them from me. DP goes to work and worries about what he will come home to.

so it is best for me to go.
i dont know the point of this, i needed to get it out. im waiting till 8 then ringing docs and my counsellor. i have packing to do


Well honey I really admire you. You may have made to conscious decision to leave but you have also acknowledged that you need help and know that by having time on your own to get your head together is the right thing to do by your family. I think it takes one very strong person to do what your doing and by putting your kids before yourself is amazing - a lot of women would make their kids suffer thru with you but your not - YOUR AMAZING!

I think you will find that after you have some time to sort yourself out your partner will welcome you back when he sees the change in you.

Good luck on your journey and remember - your kids will love you for doing what is best by them and when you return, will keep loving their wonderful mother.
Bek - how r u?

well things got really rough here on friday. im now on suicide watch i cant be alone. i was taking toh osp in an ambulance after spending the morning talking to lifeline.
i had 4 different appts on friday. spent all morning with mental health then went to my counsellor then i had an antenatal. and i have to say i am feeling better more positive.
dont get me wrong we take it one day at a time, i still have moments where i get down but on the whole im getting there, i still dont think im ready to be alone with the kids and i dont know how im going to go with that. but like i said we have to take it one day at a time, sometimes its 5 mins at a time.
side effects from the antideppressants are a bit bad, but i havent even been on them a week so going to wait and see if they settle down if not go back to the docs.
i didnt end up leaving everyone thinks it better for me to deal with it while dealing with my everyday life
thanks for the replies and concern

Take care of yourself hun. Remember, if you need to talk, just pm me. I know what your going thru and will always listen if you need someone.
Hi there

So pleased to read you are getting help & are ok. Rough time you're going through.

Exactly right though, it is one day at a time. Don't expect too much from yourself either.

Be kind to yourself. The tunnel is long but that light will get closer & you will come out fine.

Big hugs. wink
How are you doing Bek? I have been thinking of you!

Hey there, i've only just read this and wanted to say a huge congrats on realising you needed help and getting it, good work and i hope things are going well for you at the moment.

its the hardest decision i have ever made.
im 22 with 3 kids (4,3,16 months) and am 4 months preg with #4. of late i havent been coping, to the point i was taken to hospital on sunday to get help because family members were worried about me.
im on anti depressants and weekly counselling. but im still not coping. DP isnt coping with it all so i suggested i go away for a week or so because i dont know if this is what i want, an he has told me if i go i dont come back he is sick of being hurt by me (its not the first time i have left but other times i have taken kids) and he oesnt know how to deal with all this and he doesnt know if he can, the time frame is a minimum of 18 months before any real improvement

so today im leaving. im leaving my babies behind, and im leaving the love of my life, because they all deserve better then what i give. but it is killing me. im sitting here crying watching my kids for the last time. i will miss them so much but i dont want to deal with it all.
at the moment death looks good. im too scared to take my own life but i do constantly think of self harm. i would protect my kids from anything and everything if they were about to be hit by a car i would take that hit, but i cant protect them from me. DP goes to work and worries about what he will come home to.

so it is best for me to go.
i dont know the point of this, i needed to get it out. im waiting till 8 then ringing docs and my counsellor. i have packing to do


Hi There

I just wanted to let you know that you may find the following numbers useful if you want more support and advice on the way you are feeling

Life line Australia (24 hour service) P: 131114
Suicide Call Back Service National (24 hours, 7 days) P: 1300 659 467
SuicideLine (VIC) Victoria (24 hours, 7 days) P: 1300 651 251
NSW Rural Mental Health Support Line NSW 24 hours, 7 days P: 1800 201 123
Beyond Blue information line P: 1300 22 4636

We hope you find these numbers helpful and that you are getting all the support you need at this time.
Warm Regards
Huggies Moderator
Bek - So glad you have support end are not alone. Best wishes!!!!

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