just wish I could just give up

My 10 yr old was diagnosed with ADHD, long story short, years ago he was put onto medication, basically stopped eating, ate tea without much drama but was a struggle breakfast and lunch. He lost lots of weight, sleep troubles etc.

Went to new specialist and he said he hasnt got ADHD, according to the test results and has completely taken him off meds. The next appointment is April.

Well Im over it, one thing he did was use a stapler without staples, and stapled the bedroom wall, what 10yr old does that!!!!

I just feel like walking away, cant win, so over it.

My DP (3 kids step father) is away all week, comes home on friday nights and leaves again monday morning. I said to him last night that I am scared that he is going to start to dislike him and he stated that is a possibility because of the way he acts. I hope he is only saying that because he had a horrible weekend with him. Im so over it

just a question, would you expect a 10 yr old to mow lawns. My df is making him do it, I just think he has just come off meds, really skinny, give him a break, but I dont want to undermine him.

I really dont know what im doing, I shouldnt of become a mother. I fail in everything I do in life, so why did I think I was going to succeed at being a mother.

Sorry for the ranting.

I am not sure really my son would staple the wall...... he painted it with nail polish and he doesnt' have adhd he just wanted to see what it would look like.

have you looked at his diet and what he is actually eating. I also think you have to make sure he does eat breakfast and lunch.... keep it simple and small amounts until he builds up his eating habbits again.

keep a daily diary so you have information on what was eaten and when..... don't let him know your doing it though as it may influence what is going on.

I forgot to add since getting off the medication, he is going straight to sleep at night time and eating alot better. So there is very great improvements there.

I am not sure really my son would staple the wall...... he painted it with nail polish and he doesnt' have adhd he just wanted to see what it would look like.

have you looked at his diet and what he is actually eating. I also think you have to make sure he does eat breakfast and lunch.... keep it simple and small amounts until he builds up his eating habbits again.

keep a daily diary so you have information on what was eaten and when..... don't let him know your doing it though as it may influence what is going on.

I posted too late about the food, sorry.

Was your son 10 when he used nail polish on the wall?

I guess what's appropriate and acceptable for one person is something completely different for another, it's a very grey area ...

Personally, I don't feel that stapling the bedroom wall is in any way abnormal behaviour for a 10 year old, now if he was stapling cats or mice to the wall that would be a different matter! You don't mention other things he does, so I am assuming by using this as an example it's the "worst" he's done? I really think it's very typical behaviour for a child his age - to me it just sounds like mischief and curiosity. Things that would bother me would be a proclivity to violence, stealing or constant lies - not counting the odd fib, most kids do that.

As far as mowing the lawn goes, once again, this is just my opinion, but I don't feel it's an age appropriate chore for a 10 year old. DH mows our lawn and on hot summer days I feel sorry for him having to do it, which is why I always leave it to him to decide if he wants to muster the energy. It's not something I will ever do myself, so I won't expect my child to do it. I'm all for encouraging children to do small chores around the house, but I would not expect a 10 year old boy to do something so labour intensive.

I posted too late about the food, sorry.

Was your son 10 when he used nail polish on the wall?

yes he did it last night.... because he wanted to see if it would be the same colour... he also spilt it in the sink thats how i found it.....

I edit this to add

I would not expect a ten year old to mow the lawns. no way.... although they may be able to do it they don't have the smarts to not stick their hands underneath. mow over something

you are the mother and part of being a mother is to decide when you don't think something is age realistic even if your partner does...

my husband and i do this all the time if he thinks something and i don't usually its because (IAM RIGHT) lol .

there is a difference between them wanting to mow a couple of strips than being in charge of doing the whole lawn.... get your partner to do it or you do it with your son a strip each and make it fun..... I know i would have hated to be told i had to mow lawns at that age... i don't do them now either

i agree with joshsmummy.

i think that whilst it isnt desirable behaviour it doesnt indicate that he has something wrong with him. Like PP said, if he was stapling animals to the wall or something equally distressing and disturbing i'd be very concerned.

and i agree that mowing the lawn in the middle of summer at age 10 is not an age appropriate chore. It is pretty difficult and in the weather it can take the energy out of an adult man with a lot of strength so i think its asking a bit much.

I don't really have any advice, just want to let you know I think we all have those days when your in the car and you just want to keep on driving smile. Having kids means little or no down time and this is physicaly and emotionally draining.

I would say don't be so hard on yourself but I can't even take my own advice on that one.

I guess what's appropriate and acceptable for one person is something completely different for another, it's a very grey area ...

Personally, I don't feel that stapling the bedroom wall is in any way abnormal behaviour for a 10 year old, now if he was stapling cats or mice to the wall that would be a different matter! You don't mention other things he does, so I am assuming by using this as an example it's the "worst" he's done? I really think it's very typical behaviour for a child his age - to me it just sounds like mischief and curiosity. Things that would bother me would be a proclivity to violence, stealing or constant lies - not counting the odd fib, most kids do that.

As far as mowing the lawn goes, once again, this is just my opinion, but I don't feel it's an age appropriate chore for a 10 year old. DH mows our lawn and on hot summer days I feel sorry for him having to do it, which is why I always leave it to him to decide if he wants to muster the energy. It's not something I will ever do myself, so I won't expect my child to do it. I'm all for encouraging children to do small chores around the house, but I would not expect a 10 year old boy to do something so labour intensive.

I agree with the above post.

You sound very stressed out and I feel for you. I have 2 teenage boys so I have some idea about what you are going through. Some boys tend to have a lot more energy then others and it needs to be channelled in a healthy way or they can be destructive otherwise. When my boys were little my father said to me that I must put them into a sport. Any sport and of their choosing. One son chose soccer and the other rugby league. They have never looked back and both became extremely talented players. My Dad was so right as playing sport exhausts all that extra energy, keeps them focused and they learn to be a member of a team. This will put them in good stead for when they are teenagers because while the other boys are out drinking, doing drugs and getting into mischief a boy involved with sport will be too busy training and then playing on the weekends. I guess this may not always be the case but it worked for us.

actually kammy makes a good point.

one of the kids i use to work with when i worked in before and after school care had ADHD and his parents put him into karate. everyone thought that would just make him more "violent" as he would have the skills to hurt people even more (he was quite a boisterous and emotionally charged child so often hurt people out of frustration) and karate was really good for him as they teach a lot of discipline and there is a lot of rules etc.

not sure if he's already involved in anything like that but its a good idea to channel any energy as kammy said!

the behaviour is a little over the top, staples on things apart from paper would result in an old fashioned smack here and helping fix the problem.As to mowing, our boys all have a turn but its a ride on so a bit different.Not sure about my opinion on using a normal mower.As long as it was properly supervised it may be ok.
Edited to add, that the sports/karate etc is also a good point.Dh also maintains( as does his father) that sports will keep them off the streets and instil a good team spirit etc and with 3 boisterous boys I have come to the same conclusion.
To the OP, look after yourself take a bit of time out.

Thanks alot for your replies, I was feeling really low when I wrote the post. I will get a good night sleep and see how things are tomorrow.

I will have to talk to DF when he gets home friday, I thought maybe I was being too soft on my DS when it comes to the mowing but you made me feel better, thanks