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A loaded question Lock Rss

Hey Dads. I've been thinking about something for a long time and would like to put it out there.

It is pretty much accepted that, in general, men are stronger than women.
It is also pretty much accepted that, in general, women are better communicators.

If you accept those two statements and now put them in a home enviroment. Society expects ( and rightly so ) that a man should exercise restraint in the use of his greater power and strength.
My question is, why is not accepted in society that women should not exercise restraint in THEIR use of communication strength?

There is an age old adage that " a women is always right, even when she is wrong". In the home, men really do need to live by that because, in general, they have no hope in a verbal joust! In a work enviroment it's a completely different story, of course.

So when a relationship goes sour, the women has this magnificent weapon, finally honed over many years and it is perfectly acceptable for her to use it freely... The man is looking at his fists and is going " bugger, can't use these. I'll go to jail! ".

What's the point? Well words can hurt just as much as fists. Women do get beaten by their men. Did those men have a right to not show restraint because the women used no restraint with her weapon?

Before everyone goes nuts at me. I am not suggesting that wife beating is OK. It's cowardly and totally unacceptable in ANY situation. Noone can get killed by calling them a name!

What I want ask is, is it fair for a women to not use restraint in an arena that they have far more power? When the man has to use a phenomenal amount of will power to NOT bring out his big guns?

My thought is, chicks wonder why we clam up or walk away. Well it ain't a fair fight smile. Whadda ya reckon?

Rocks weather

most statistic say that the woman who are physically abused also suffer mental and verbal abuse at the same time or for years before heir partner turns violent
I believe that men are very good at the verbal in an argue ment
also that many woman learn to hold their tongue for the safety of the children for the safety of themselves or for the acceptance of peace in an arguement
so if the word is a tool for the woman alone they too have held back their weopans and like many woman have learnt self defence or picked up physical strenght men have also adopted forms of verbal stoushing

my wife and i have a bad case of sniper attacks where you say something loud enough to be audible but not loud enough to be defimitely heard clearly by the partner we are both guilty of it and i am not proud of it but my words can hurt her as much as hers hurt me

as for men that look at their fists and say nope can't use them i would get in trouble if that is the first thought i think they are already in trouble



the main reason men dont report abuse is because tehy are ashamed.

And with good reason as many blokes would say "tuffen up princess" if their mate said "my wife is abusing me".

It is sterotyping like the OP "man is stonger than women and women smater than man" that leads to this fear in men to come forward and therefore suffer in silence.
I agree abuse is abuse whether it's physical, emotional or verbal. Thanks all for clarifying my thinking.

At 18 I married a women 7 years my senior. She was fantastic in the bedroom and I fell in love with her with all my heart. The price I paid for great sex was unremitting abuse. I was emotionally dissected and mentally shredded verbally so many times over 5 years that even now I find it hard to comprehend that a) I stood for it and b) I lasted so long!
She said she loved me, appreciated me sometimes and no she said she had no respect for me as a person. She smiled and said " 2 out of 3 ain't bad ". ( we were Meatloaf fans )

We broke up eventually. I got taken to the cleaners financially. I once foolishly talked to her with noone around and before I could blink I had a non-molestation order served against me which cost me $4000 to defend. Otherwise I had a record for the rest of my life! The only time she might have got physically hurt by me was if a particular sex move went wrong...

Now you may have an inkling of why I bang on about respect and appreciation. Why I seek out male-bashers and call them to task. Because just maybe for every story there is of male abuse there is a story of female abuse. It's just males handle it differently and are perhaps not quite so vulnerable.

All I want is, if any women are reading this, the next time you have a go at your man. I would love you to stop and think " am I being fair ". And for that matter, men too, I guess.

Rocks weather

I can not understand why a man would think that hitting a woman is okay. I also can not understnad why a woman would think that hitting a man is okay. Same goes for men hitting men and women hitting women.

I do not like physical violence at all.

Waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy back in school, I was the sort of person who would inform a teach of a fist fight rather than stand there and yell "fight fight fight fight.....". I can't stand seeing people bash the you know what out of each other.

The same goes for verbal abuse. If you relationship has come to abuse of any kind then it is time to end it. It simply isn't working.

I dont think your argument is balanced.

Men as a rule are stronger, but I dont think your women are better communicators is necessarily true.

If a man and a woman were to get into a physical fight, there is 99% chance of the man winning.

If a woman was to swear at a man and berate him he too is equally capable of doing the same.


It all comes down to the control one person has over another and that is not sex based......
what an interesting thread! And awesome points you make and something i will definately take on board, We've been married almost 5 years and in the first probly 3 things were chaotic, my husband is tongan and his english is not perfect and many a time I've taken him to TASK, honestly I'm lucky he's not a woman basher, he could absolutely drop me like a fly, when he's simply had enough he leaves the house to get away. Thankfully we have gained a million times more respect for each other than we ever had and this comes up less and less, I've never thought about it like this. thanx!!

me 24, hubby 25 four boys age 4 and under :0)

whadda ya reckon?.........

........i reckon i get what ur saying mans strength and weekness v famale strengths and weekness

i say the strengh of the entire relationship lies in the couples effort into getting into what i call communication common land where u both work hard at understanding (getting on the same page)about what is actually being said

when u say female= betta communication what u really mean is betta talker. communication is also listening and interperating corectly relative to the source this is where there is often falure from female

male falure in communication often stems from this failure and is than reluctant to say anything at all

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also i agree with this
Posted by: Just*Mia
I dont think your argument is balanced.

Men as a rule are stronger, but I dont think your women are better communicators is necessarily true.

If a man and a woman were to get into a physical fight, there is 99% chance of the man winning.

If a woman was to swear at a man and berate him he too is equally capable of doing the same.


[Edited on 08/02/2008]

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HOW TRUE - i may have the exception to the rule - a friend of mine we will call "A" has been in a relationship with a man we will call "B" for a few years. on many occasions A has physically abused B, not once has he retaliated as much as he is dished out, he knows he is stronger than her physically but something inside him stops him from using his strength against her instead he uses communication and words and emotional things to get at her which is strange i think they love each other unconditionally and have 4 "AB's" but in the traditional sense everything is reversed, he is the stay at home dad while she works everyday??? i wonder if roles are reversed are expectations also??
What do I reckon. I reckon you should go to the library and brush up on your ignorance. That's what I reckon. Why put all women in that basket, and why put all men in that basket? Everyone is different, and clearly you've got some un dealt with issues that require attention. Find someone to talk to and get it sorted mate, put those fists away, and enjoy life.
He likes his 'loaded questions' T. I actually think he has issues with women, as nearly all his threads I have read seem to be pin pointing the differences between men and women, with the women painted as the 'baddy' and 'underdog'.

I also think he likes to prove his 'intelligence' with long-winded, pompous and inflammatory threads.
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