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being a young parent or having family interfeer? Rss

hey all,
im a young mum of 20 my son is now 22months old. I have this ongoing problem with my inlaws. I'm just wondering if anybody else goes through it. I don't know if its just because we are young, but my bf parents seem to think they have to tell us what to do with our son all the time. Whenever we visit them its always, awww don't do that to him, why are you doing that it should be this way. i've just about had enough of it. My father in law is so bad. We had decided we wanted to take our son to the ekka to see all of the animals etc, and he rung us saying i don't think you should be taking him i heard on the news that there is the worse case of flue ever blah blah blah, and then when i told him we were going, his like oh so your going now are you?

We went bowling there a few weeks back, and we got a text message when we got home saying, make sure you wash seths hands before you put him to bed, like wtf!!!!!

Also we cant go for a weekend away with out telling them we are going, and when we do we have to ring them before we leave and when we get there, i know that they wanna make sure we are ok, but come on we aren't 15, and we want a life of our own, we have our own house etc, i thought that would make it better but it never ends.

My bf has an older brother with 2 kids, his 30 something and im pretty sure they don't tell him what to do, so why us? I find it really intimidating, and have told my partner that but he seems to think it isnt a big deal, and doesnt usually say anything.

Is there any other young mums out there that have the same problem? Or maybe older mums? Its just im getting the vibe that they are doing this because we are younger.
Also what is a good way to handle it and tell them that if we want advice we will ask for it. My partner doesnt seemt o have the guts but he feels the same way, i want to say something .without causing too much trouble
Hi,
I can understand where you are coming from. I'm not a young mum i'm 27 (OMG can i really be that old?) hehe. But i have also experienced the same sort of behaviour from my Inlaws.

I would try saying when they say your doing something wrong. Thank you for the advice. I'm sure thats what you were told to do when your son was a toddler but the new advice is to do.......
Or something similar to that effect. Also remember you and your partner are the parents. You get to decide how to raise your child and your inlaws should respect your wishes. if they don't stop trying to control you then stop telling them what your going to be doing. Hopefully they'll take the hint.

If all hints fail get your partner to sit down with you and them and explain that you are thankful for their help and input but you are the parents and you know the grandparents will always be there if you need advice and you'll ask for it when needed.And you hope that they will respect your decissions.
Good luck.

i''''m baking a baby

I dont think the weekend away part gets any better the older you get.
I am almost 31 and my mum still likes me to ring and let her know we have arrived safely. I dont think it has anything to do with my ability as a driver or anything, just piece of mind for her when there are so many other idiots on the roads.

As far as raising kids. I think everyone has this problem when they are first time parents. Im sure they dont think your incapable or anything. Its just what people do. I still find that people will offer advice etc, but its your choice whether you choose to ignore it or take it on board.
Try not to let it get to you.
If you feel that strongly about it the best thing to do would be to talk to them and explain that as much as you love them and their help, sometimes you feel that they lack confidence in you and your partner, and this upsets you.

You may find that they dont even realise what they are doing or the effect that it is having on you.

Renee

Julia (14yrs), Cooper (6yrs) & Amarlia (14 months)

Wow, do we have the same IL's, well in my case MIL. I'm not THAT young, 27, and have 2 older children who survived my parenting long before she came along.

If we go to Perth for a weekend she gets so snotty if we don't tell her. I also said i was taking the kids to the Perth royal show this year and she carried on, saying it wasn't a place for children. Well if the show isn't a place for children, then who is it for??

As we don't see her all that often but yet she rings often enough my OH won't say a word to her. He would rather she upset me and i should mention said OH is 44 and has three teenagers also. he won't say a word no matter how upsetting she can be...

Can your wirte your other half a letter seeing as he doesn't seem to think there is a problem. I have found a letter can explain things better. Or as i have been doing recently nicely "put them in their place". I have found this is working for me.

Good luck
Nicole

Hi, I am a young mum too (18) but I think it is pretty universal. Last time I saw DPs parents his mum tried to take DD to hospital because she was a little bit cold and was in a funny mood (normal for her though) After ringing the doctor and getting into the car ready to go to hospital they decided to hold out a while and DPs dad went and bought DD more singlets and suits. I know they meant well but I was very ready to go home when the time came. I don't have any suggestions as I don't see them often but good luck, I hope you find a solution soon.
i think that its just some in laws take tonight ....my partner(no darling at the momemt) and i had a 3hr argument over something both my in laws done. i feel like screaming...but little one is asleep.haha who knows what the cure is if someone does know please please let me know.
Thank you all for replying i really appreciate it.
Yea i understand that they worry when we go away, if its a long trip i would call them out of choice just to let them know how we are. It just bothers me that it seems we have to tell them whenever we want to go anywhere lol. I think from now on we will just do it, and if they ask we will tell them where we are. It just aggravates me because i know my brother in law doesn't get hassled the same way as we do, even when my FIL is visiting them, he respects their decisions and doesn't try to undermine it. Thats where i thought it may be because of our age. Maybe they don't have confidence in our decisions etc.
We just bought a new car, second hand privately, and my FIL wasn't happy about not looking at it and making the decisions for us, but I'm so proud of my bf because we did it on our own and he didn't go to his dad to do it. I think just that small decision, made his dad realise in the smallest of ways that we are grown up we need to make our own decisions ourselves whether they turn out to be mistakes or not.

I think the reason why my partner doesn't seem like its a big deal is because, they still kinda mother him, they did still do a lot for him before we moved out of their house into their own, like trying to do all his washing etc, and since we have been living on our own its been hard for him to learn how to do a lot of things around the house for himself, (hehe because i refuse to do all of it tongue).
They are a tight family, and he says its just cuz they care, which I understand.

We are trying for a second bub, so im kinda hoping when we do have another they will have more faith in our parenting methods.
Sorry I'm babbling now lol
Oh i forgot another thing, does anyone have any problems with trying to stop their in laws giving their children junk food all the time. I understand they are kinda there to spoil and that, but Seth's not even 2, they have many years ahead to do that. But i have asked them constantly not to give him lollies and ice-cream and snacks between his meals, but every time they babysit all they ever do is feed him junk.

My bf is very much so against this but we both don't know what else to say anymore, kinda makes you feel like you cant trust them if they are going behind your back and doing that all the time after you have asked them not to.
snap! Are you talking about my in laws?! Have had the same trouble with them, 4 children along they still test my patience but have improved slightly, or maybe I've just grown some balls and stand up to them more often!!

With our first my fil fully expected that they would have him. In their culture he is supposed to get the first grandchild but DREAM ANOTHER DREAM BABY! They were actually quite surprised that we wanted to be the parents to our children!

As for the lollies, my eldest has just been to the dental nurse and has 2 holes in his teeth, am I p!##ed! Went up and told his grandfather to take him and watch while he screamed and cried getting his fillings done and he goes 'well it doesnt matter its only his baby teeth' wtf??!!

me 24, hubby 25 four boys age 4 and under :0)

wow. What do you mean they are supposed to have the first grand child? like keep it? Not having a go or anything im quite intrigued.
Wtf??? don't worry its only his baby teeth, god does he not realise that the longer he keeps the baby teeth the better?

Not only do i worry about health things with all the lollies and snacks and everything, but since this has been going on he refuses to eat anything that resembles health lol vegetables are out of the question now.

He is almost 2 and i know this occurs a lot with children his age but offering him rubbish all the time isn't helping. And what else can you do? If you have asked them time and time again not to do it, and you want to keep the peace?

The only other option from there that i can see is telling them they cannot look after him on their own until they respect our wishes, but I would hate it to come to that, bring on world war 3 lol
well i reckon if they dont know how to behave towards their grand child then maybe dont let them see them until the do..

Hey there, yeah they thought they would keep our son and raise him, our son would know that we were his parents but my FIL really felt that he had the right to take our baby to live with him and to raise him and that I should know that this is how it should be! Shock horror NO THANKS!!! Lmao!! Anyway with the food thing, our twins are now 21mths and are going thru the wont eat vege thing which is very frustrating (they used to LOVE their veges) I've also been very fussy with them with both our families re lollies and put my foot down quite heavily, which has had some effect. The other thing we've done is limit the amount of time the spend with the in-laws and we just dont leave them there unless we both really have to be somewhere. I still do the usual cooking and put veges on their plates, they're starting to feed themselves and just avoid them but I put them there anyway just in case they might decide to eat them!

I've rattled on and typed whats come to mind so it may not make much sense but hope you get something out of it hehe!!

me 24, hubby 25 four boys age 4 and under :0)

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