Be comfortable in your skin – this is a judgement free zone. Find out more!

Huggies Forum

Trouble with MIL Rss

I am so sick of the b****iness of my MIL. She is manipulative, nasty and just plain old mean to me. I am trying so hard to be level headed and reasonable, but she is pushing all of my buttons. She lives approx 2 1/2 hours from us and she has been to see us about 4 times since my DD was born 11 months ago and I am the one who is getting the blame for them not seeing my DD. I sent her some updated photos of DD to get a response that 'I hardly recognised MY darling granddaughter'. Am I being petty? She never calls me to see how DD is, she winges that the photos that she gets show DD not wearing any of the clothes that she has given her, and makes many snide remarkes which make me feel like I am not doing a good job at mothering my baby. She never recogsises that she is my daughter, just my husband's daughter. The more she upsets me, the more my protective blanket falls about my daughters shoulders. I don't want her to have anything to do with my DD. I just don't trust her.

Am I the one with the problem? What do I do? I just can't deal with her anymore sad

I hated my boyfriends mum like to the bones as when i was pregnant she will smoke in front of me like come on seriously she has had kids like she dont know your not suppse to smoke when someones pregnant.. I was absolutely furious but couldnt do anything cos im living under her ROOF my boyfriends dad does the same but as shes a women i expected her to know better..

throughout my pregnant it was a nightmare with the inlaws.. nothing extremely bad but just like on never asking about the baby is, smoking in the house I HAD TO STAY IN MY ROOM MOST OF THE TIME then they tell me boyfriend its rude i dun eat downstairs.. and that i dun help out around the house.. i didnt everything i could to make sure my baby will be health and there is they are putting him at risk if anything happened to my bub i will never forgive them..

they dont smoke in the house anymore still does in the garage and then leaves the door open for it to come in .. they are such a nightmare....

Bella'smum your the mum dont let her make you feel like you not being a good mum cos we know theres nothing we wont do for our kids and if she makes you feel that way then i dont think she deserves to be in you or your daughters life.. maybe then she'll start to think about how her actions are making you feel.. the good thing is there is no law stating that you have to let grandparent see you baby they dont have visitation rights if you dont give them..

just think of yourself lucky shes 2 and a half hrs away mine is just downstairs.. and in about 3 years we are moving but guess what? they will be living in the duplex next door..

you sound like me!!!! thats exactly how i would describe my MIL, except she lives about 2 1/2 minutes away. i always get "what is MY girl doing today?" like i have nothing to do with the raising of the child... b(i)tch!!!!!!!!!! no, you arent doing anything wrong.... if you want to take my approach i just try to limit contact with them, if they want to see her they can drive... or call... dont listen to anything she says, yu are doing a wonderful job with your daughter. and if your baby girl is anything like mone the amount of clothes she has been given im lucky if she wears them let alone get a phot in them let alone send one to the person ho gave the outfit to her.... so i suggest to ignore her as much as psosible, thats what im doing. PM me if you want to have a venting session... good luck with it. enjoy your daugther. G*
you sound like me!!!! thats exactly how i would describe my MIL, except she lives about 2 1/2 minutes away. i always get "what is MY girl doing today?" like i have nothing to do with the raising of the child... b(i)tch!!!!!!!!!! no, you arent doing anything wrong.... if you want to take my approach i just try to limit contact with them, if they want to see her they can drive... or call... dont listen to anything she says, yu are doing a wonderful job with your daughter. and if your baby girl is anything like mone the amount of clothes she has been given im lucky if she wears them let alone get a phot in them let alone send one to the person ho gave the outfit to her.... so i suggest to ignore her as much as psosible, thats what im doing. PM me if you want to have a venting session... good luck with it. enjoy your daugther. G*
Oh Bella'sMumma, oh how i wish my MIL was like this!!! It's my own mother you have just described!!! Apparently it's my fault too that they haven't seen their latest GD and "she will probably be 15 before we see her again". Oh how i can only wish - you horrible old dragon. Dont worry that i had a really sick baby for 6 weeks, all of which she never came to help out, not once, not even offered. All she did was sit back and make snide remarks about me breast feeding my DD (WTF?) and that that is obviously whats wrong with her, my breast milk!! God. Anyway enough abuot me, i dont know what you can do because i know that whatever it is it will be the wrong thing & you will be in trouble for that too. All i can do is send you some hugs **xx**
Good luck with the outlaw
Posted by: Chiliwoman
Oh Bella'sMumma, oh how i wish my MIL was like this!!! It's my own mother you have just described!!! Apparently it's my fault too that they haven't seen their latest GD and "she will probably be 15 before we see her again". Oh how i can only wish - you horrible old dragon. Dont worry that i had a really sick baby for 6 weeks, all of which she never came to help out, not once, not even offered. All she did was sit back and make snide remarks about me breast feeding my DD (****?) and that that is obviously whats wrong with her, my breast milk!! God. Anyway enough abuot me, i dont know what you can do because i know that whatever it is it will be the wrong thing & you will be in trouble for that too. All i can do is send you some hugs **xx**
Good luck with the outlaw





Your own mother said your baby was sick because you breastfeed her? is she mentally ill? WTF is that?

My mother in law makes stupid remarks all the time.. but most of the time she speaks behind my back in Chinese.. and my partner does nothing to stop it.

Now that my son is 1 i just chuck him at her and let it go.. i am always there with him so i don't leave him alone with anyone.. but while i am there i just let him do his thing.. he doesn't like her anyways so i don't have to pull him away he wont go hear her haha

My own mother refers to my son as her boy.. which i don't mind because she is here most days helping me clean my house and letting me sleep in and such if Tristan has had a rough night.
I figure if your MIL or even your own mothers aren't in the child's life a lot and if all they can do is whinge and not be polite then tuff titties they don't get to spend time with their grandchildren.. your her mother what you say goes.

Your being kind enough to send her photos, don't take any notice of her stupidity and let it go , enjoy your baby and forget about the dragon who doesn't live near you lol

Ky,Tristan 1year old

Posted by: Chiliwoman
Oh Bella'sMumma, oh how i wish my MIL was like this!!! It's my own mother you have just described!!! Apparently it's my fault too that they haven't seen their latest GD and "she will probably be 15 before we see her again". Oh how i can only wish - you horrible old dragon. Dont worry that i had a really sick baby for 6 weeks, all of which she never came to help out, not once, not even offered. All she did was sit back and make snide remarks about me breast feeding my DD (****?) and that that is obviously whats wrong with her, my breast milk!! God. Anyway enough abuot me, i dont know what you can do because i know that whatever it is it will be the wrong thing & you will be in trouble for that too. All i can do is send you some hugs **xx**
Good luck with the outlaw





Your own mother said your baby was sick because you breastfeed her? is she mentally ill? WTF is that?

My mother in law makes stupid remarks all the time.. but most of the time she speaks behind my back in Chinese.. and my partner does nothing to stop it.

Now that my son is 1 i just chuck him at her and let it go.. i am always there with him so i don't leave him alone with anyone.. but while i am there i just let him do his thing.. he doesn't like her anyways so i don't have to pull him away he wont go hear her haha

My own mother refers to my son as her boy.. which i don't mind because she is here most days helping me clean my house and letting me sleep in and such if Tristan has had a rough night.
I figure if your MIL or even your own mothers aren't in the child's life a lot and if all they can do is whinge and not be polite then tuff titties they don't get to spend time with their grandchildren.. your her mother what you say goes.

Your being kind enough to send her photos, don't take any notice of her stupidity and let it go , enjoy your baby and forget about the dragon who doesn't live near you lol

Ky,Tristan 1year old

half you rluck that they dont live near you my mother has settled down heaps after they do the (BUT I KNOW WHATS BEST IM THE GRANDMOTHER) thing but mine and my hubby's mothers live 10 minutes away. i love having m mother close by but im stressing coz when bubby comes along (EDD 19/09/07) my partner is having time off so him and i can get into a routine with our little one and adapt and i dont know how to tell them we just want some time to ourselves to work our baby out brfore everyone jumps down our throats
my MIL is exactly the same, last time she came to visit us my oldest daughter was a week old (she just turned 2 in july)and the only reason she came was to pick up her youngest son (BIL) who had been bludging at our house since DD was born. we used to visit at least every 5 or 6 months we would pack up the kids, have a three hour drive last 6 hours, screw up their sleeping patterns all so she could see her granchildren. I've given up making an effort anymore haven't sent photo's in ages and didn't bother dropping in to see her when I visited a friend in the same town, I just didn't have time. (the same excuse she uses anytime she's coming anywhere near we are) I just ignore it now it's her loss if she can't be bothered. my mum used to live over 8 hours from us and she still managed to visit us more than MIL who was only 3 hours away. we moved an hour from MIL (I know glutton for punishment:)) just over a month ago, havent seen her yet. fine by me and it doesn't worry the girls they hardly even know she exists, bit sad for DP though.
I have an absolute b**ch of a mother in law, although this one is a silent b**ch. She lives with her parents, is what I would call a hermit, and all three of them in the house smoke like I have never seen smoking before in my life (and I was raised with a chain smoker) so I don't go near the house, unless I really have to.

We went to tell her that I was pregnant, and my partner said that we weren't staying because the smoke is not good for me and they agreed, and then she lite up a ciggie right next to me ... no joke, right next to me...

She lives 10 minutes from our house, and because she is a hermit, she has come to visit us once, she does not call us, and she is only coming to the ceremony of our wedding, not the reception.

When my partner goes there alone, she fills his head with crap, and then when he comes home, because mummy has spoken to him, she takes her side with everything and does what she tells him to do and then I cop it about everything and he makes me completely miserable.

I have never been more happy in my life, I am getting married in 4 weeks, I am having a child, which is all I have ever wanted to do in my life, is be a mum, and she is a hag that tells her balless son what to do and how to act and all that jazz, and he makes me miserable...

Some people are very lucky to be granted with a wonderful mother in law, for us who are not that lucky, I wish there was some way we could deal with it that is semi legal smile I just cannot believe that at the time that you should have not much stress in your life, they seem to bring it on about 4 times as much.
'
Not good for my baby.

I am sorry, I had a fight with my partner about this very thing this morning and I am absolutely miserable today, and i just needed to get that off my chest. I am sorry to ruin the post.
Hi Bella'smumma,
I just wanted to give some advice if i could. i have had 3 mil's 2 of which where absolutly controling and horrible to me. my 3rd i would have to say i am one onf the lucky ones. But it was not smooth sailing at first.
Anyway i just wanted to say please don't take what they say to heart.Sometimes they just don't think about what they say and how it may affect you.
If you disagree with something she says, think about your reply and tell her you don't agree. Stand up for your self you are an adult and you are not her CHILD who is too scared to say the wrong thing in fear of being told off!! I am not saying have a stand up argument but be constructive with her make her understand that you are not a child you are a responsible adult and mother of her grandchild.

She may feel you don't like her or something that is why she stays away and has not visited much, then says stupid things. that comment about 'i hardly recognise her' could be her reach out to you - hey i would love to visit but i don't know if i am welcome.

Let her know where you stand and your hubby should stand by you.

you are part of her family wether she likes it or not be open and honest and treat her the way you wish to be treated
Good luck
[Edited on 07/09/2007]

Amanda Qld

Sign in to follow this topic