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NEED HELP OR ADVICE DESPERATELY! Rss

Hi beautiful ladies,
So I am really struggling at the moment. I am not happy and am constantly feeling anxious as my life is one big roller coaster at the moment. My story is as follows.

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old to two different dad’s. I was with my ex for only 6 months before falling pregnant with my first child. I was so head over heels in love with him and dreamed of the perfect family life with him. I bought a home by myself a few years earlier, had finished uni and had my dream job and my ex got along brilliantly with my family. Everything was perfect. We were only 24 when having my daughter and he still enjoyed the party life. I became increasingly jealous and the arguments started from there. I just had a baby so was fat and stuck at home and he could go out and still enjoy the life he wanted. He eventually left me on my daughters 1st birthday and since that day i was a complete and utter wreck. Not only was i absolutely heartbroken and severely depressed on medication, i turned into some crazy bitch and texted him 100s of times a day begging for him to return. He didn’t. He was and still is an amazing father and has my daughter one night over the weekend. After he left i returned to the party scene and had my night out every weekend and eventually started meeting new people.

I met my current partner and within 6 months i was pregnant again. My current partner moved in with us and has always treated both kids as his own. He invested in to my home and we renovated and live the perfect happy family life at the moment. Yes we argue and fight like normal couples. The problem is i have never ever got over my ex and to begin with i only began a relationship with my current partner to try and make my ex jealous. My ex and i are good friends and have been for a couple of years now.

The issue i have is that i have been sleeping with my ex for a year and a half now at least once a week. I feel so terrible as my current partner has no idea and i have no guilt whatsoever. I enjoy my time with my ex and am so much happier with him, he makes me laugh and the attraction to him is far stronger than that i have for my current partner. For a while my ex always told me it was just sex, nothing else and he always said it needs to stop, but it hasn’t. Recently i confided in him and told him that i wasn’t happy with my situation at home and i was considering leaving my partner. My ex said if i did leave him we could hang out more and see where things go but he wont be the one that is blamed for us breaking up or he is not promising anything. I have recently stopped wanting to have sex with my partner and every day it is getting harder as i have no attraction and don’t even feel as though i want to have a conversation with him anymore. I feel so unbelievably bad as he has done nothing wrong… he is perfect with my kids and perfect with my family. I don’t know what to do, i still love my ex and would love nothing more than to be with him but im scared that everyone, my friends, my family and kids will hate me if i leave my partner. On top of that im worried i wont be able to afford my house on my own and would feel terrible sending him out to find a rental after he wanted nothing more than to have a family in my home.

PLEASE HELP, i keep thinking life is too short and i need to take risks and try be happy! I have never taken any risks and live my life as safe as possible, working, saving money and trying to do everything right. What’s hard is that my previous couple of relationships have ended with them leaving me, i have never had to break someones heart.
That sounds like a tough dessision, the best choice is to go with what your gut tells you remember though you also need to do what is best for your kids. It sounds like you have taken risk's before by not wearing condoms and getting pregnant so fast, not judging just saying that was a big risk so you have taken a risk before
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