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Does your relationship with in-laws impact on your relationship with your partner? Rss

Personally i think it does for me. I mean like 80% of our arguement revolves around his parents or mine. And its really annoying because we have bubs and we are a FAMILY now and it bothers me that because i say something about his parent he has to do the same with mine always comparing. Im so sick of it.

Sometimes i just want us to end because my partners dad is a real a**h*** and i moved out because of him, he dranks and starts trouble with everyone and im the only one thats not related so obviously i didnt put up with it and i ended up moving out and my partner knows his in the wrong but after a few weeks hes all nice to him but he'll always be his dad and that is so frustrating its like you do so much for your partner yet in the end it doesnt matter how bad their parent is to them they will always be their parent and you just donno where u stand.

Does anyone have the same problem?

I can really relate to what your going through.
My husband & I have been together for 5 years (married for 2) & we have an 8 month old DD.
We have a great relationship until it comes to his family.
The only time we have big blow outs is over him not standing up for himself & for us.
My husbands family think they can treat him, myself & our DD like dirt & we will still play happy families. Wrong. I'm very out spoken & stand up for us so his family think little of me & don't respect my decisions.
Anyway to cut a long story short all the tension came to ahead about a week ago & I had words with his mother & hubby took her side, mind u i was just sticking up for him. Anyway I couldn't take beening stubbed in the back like that from my own husband so I packed a bag & left.
We are now back together but before i went back i made him go round & tell his family not to contact us or talk to us when they see us at sport for a little while because we need to sort things out & the only way for me to do that is to eliminate the problem for a while.
Now i no it seems bad stopping them from seeing there grand daughter but they have seen her for a total of 6 times since she was born 8 months ago & they only live 2 min drive away.
I hope this helps to tet you know that your not alone.


Mum to Billie Samanatha

I totally know what you mean Im the one thats always standing up for him when his own mother let his dad treat him like shit but at the end its like whatever something happens he still defends them and it really pisses me off and the fact that he says that he put me before his parent and even himself but he actions suggests otherwise.

Like he works for his dad cos his dad has his own bricklaying ccompany and yet he pays my partner less the he pays his other workers and we have a son to support too and whenever we buy DS something he goes and be a smartass saying that Centrelinks pays for it. And yet he treat everyone like s*** my partner still does things for him when he asks him to. and that really aggravates me cos even though i've always been there for him and scarifies so much for him more then his own retarted parents ever did yet when it comes to doing anything for me he makes me wait like crazy.

His dad still lives in the dark ages he thinks women should be treated like s*** and men should never help or do anything for them. anyways i've given him a piece of my mind on that subject just cos his wive takes it he thinks i would.

forgot to mention that i moved out cos his dad and i had a huge fight and he was trying to put me down saying to my partner that his putting himself down being with me which is totally bull**** because before i was in a good relationship, i had a great social life and i was working and studying when my partner was stil just hanging around the wrong ppl doin things he should and i changed his life around and now his putting himself down?

he also said leave my son and just leave by myself. what a joke im going to leave me son and let him see his own grandfather abuse everyone thats going to be real good inflence.

well anyways my partner is still living at home with his parents cos is so hard to find a rental these days and me and bubs is at my mums. His dad tries to call to apologies but i know its all bull anyways.

I dont let him see DS anymore and since i left he hasnt seen him once and that was in march.

and before you call me cruel he doesnt care about ds he would full scream in front of him and i always has to take him upstairs and we have a dog thats very aggresive around kids and he never close the door and tells the dog to go in the house. he puts ds life in ddanger and dont even give a s***.

Hey mate I won't judge u for putting ur sons life first. Good on u for standing up for your self. As if u would leave ur son in that enviroment.

Its a shame u can't find some where 2 live together. It must also b hard knowing that ur partner has to rely on his dad for a pay slip every week. He should be getting paid the same amount as everyone else.

You FIL sounds like mine. He thinks women are just there 2 wait on him hand & foot & be treatted like dirt. He treats his wife like that & expects his son 2 treat me like that. That won't b happening.

Its taking him a long time but I think after 5 years of being treated like s**t hubby is finally starting 2 see them for what they really are.

I'd be happy if my in laws never see my DD again as i'm worried that they will brain wash her. For the time being the are not allowed near her which suits me fine.

You can only do whats best for u & ur son.

[Edited on 13/05/2008]

Mum to Billie Samanatha

Oh yeah, i would say 90% of our arguements are about the in laws, DH has never stood up to his parents even when he knows they are wrong.
His mother is constantly asking if we are "ok" (its like she doesnt want us to be ok)
DHs parents treat him like crap sometimes and he puts up with it cause he doesnt want any fighting.

I hate it

Nothing to see here folks!!

The only problem is my partner doesnt have his licence and most construction work is past the city so atm he really dont have a choice but now his ok with dad again after all his done he still takes his side why are men so stupid?

I'm afraid they would brainwash my son and turn him into some kind of freak my partners mum babies my partners brother which is 16 years old so much u wouldnt believe like i was shocked when i witness the things she do, she knees down on the floor to put his socks and shoes on while he sit there like a king i mean his 16 for god sakes and even though food is right in front of him he would touch what he wants with his fork and his mum would get it for him like if you can touch it with your fork why dont u just pick it up and eat it. and of course u would understand why i dont want my son anywhere near his grand father.

Even when i stood up to his dad you know what my partner said to me?? I was the one that aggravated him he said that i should know better his drunk. If his so drunk how can he remember that i didnt have a dad and try to attack me with comments like i am disrespectful cos i didnt have a dad to teach me and that 4, 5 men and i dont know who my father is. For starters am i that crazy to respect someone that has no respect for anything? and im proud of my mum for leaving my dad why would i want a dad if he was going to be a piece of sh** and imagine if my dad was anything like him i would rather be in hell and for his information my mum had only remarried once.

Men that still live in the dark ages really need to wake up cos in our generation we have a new breed of women and most of us dont take s*** from men, they need to stop corrupting their son to treat their wives like crap just cos women in his generation takes it.

Anyways karma would work its magic on him soon. I really envy people thats has really nice in laws that are understand and all.

I find it so weird that men are scared to stand up to their parents.

My DF's parents don't treat him right. They call him ugly and fat. His mum goes on about how fat he is since he quit smoking. How about congratulating him on quitting?? She's put on a lot of weight since she quit but continues to go on at him even though he is currently eating healthier to lose some of it. He barely even put any weight on! And if he does something his dad doesn't agree with his dad doesn't talk to him for months on end and calls him a girl and everything. When we first got together his dad wasn't talking to him and his mum started telling me about how he calls him a girl and thought it was funny. I don't really like going around there because of that and because I just feel really uncomfortable even though (apart from the above) they are nice people.
To answer your question this does effect our relationship. When his parents ask us to go around if I don't want to he sometimes goes by himself. He gets upset and thinks I don't want anything to do with his family and worries his parents are going to stop liking me because I don't go when they ask. I feel like the only reason they want me to go is so they can see DD. DF only has his motorbike license so can't drive her out there. I know they're not as bad as other peoples but they don't treat DF with respect which bugs the cr@p out of me!
i totaly no wat u mean but ur baby is soooo cut
Hey hunny i know how you feel only my mil went one further " she lives with us" and i have a lot of issues with her. she has been hear since izack was one week old.

my partners parents split up only 2 days after izack was born she stayed at a friends house for a week then decided to invite herself to stay in owe spare room.

i had a few friends down about a week ago and they had to sleep in the loung room. she then got up at 5am and started owe VERY loud washing machine and if that was not enough to wake them vaccumed and when she was ready to vaccume where they where sleeping asked them to move off the air bed and pack it up so she could finish.

If that is not bad enough i thought she was working things out with my partners dad (who is an alco and also an a**h*** when ever i went to see my partner there i would always say hi but he just invites himself in to MY house and does not say a word, even if i say hi first he just protends he can not hear me.)

i would love to tell my partner but he is working from 6am to 2am 2 nights a week then 3pm to midmight 3 nights a as soon as he gets home he tells me about his day gives bbs a kiss and cudle and goes to bed. he is under a lot of stress at work so i dont tell him.

so i know how you feel.

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