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Think i ruined my ex's life! Rss

I don't really know if anyone can help me here but i just have no one that i can tell this too and i feel so bad about it.. need to get it off my chest.

I think i ruined my ex's life! See we had this long on-going thing for several years that was kind of off and on and during one of the off times i fell pregnant with my current husbands baby and told my ex that we wouldn't be able to continue this on off stuff any more cause i was committed to my now husband and wanted to raise our baby in a happy home with a mum and dad ect ect. Anyway back then he said i should stay with him and raise the baby as our own but i never really thought he was being serious because he'd never even said he loved me or anything and i just figured he didn't want to loose a booty call.

So anyway.. he moved away but we've always kept in contact and to make things more weird he's also a friend of my husband's (yes husband knows all about this stuff) So the other day i was thinking of him and send him a text asking how he was and his girlfriend of years was ect ect and then today totally out of the blue he sends me heaps of messages saying he wishes my son was his and that it should of been him that i married and he loves me and that i'm the reason he hasn't been able to move on with his own life and marry his long term girlfriend because he's never felt so in love as he does with me ect. Anyway it's been about 4 years since i've seen him and i still love him in a way.. more as a friend but anyway.. i feel like i've stuffed up his whole life!! I feel so so so guilty.. i don't know what i can do

Sorry i just needed to get that out

jamie 6yrs dylan 3yrs davan 18mths No4 EDD 11.9.09

I'd say leave him alone to get on with his life, you cant continue a "friendship" given he has these feelings for you, you'd only be stringing him along.

I dont think you've ruined his life, provided you are not leading him on in anyway and he's clear that you are now with someone else. I think you just have to cut the cord and go your own separate ways, as long as there's contact it might be he still thinks theres hope. He needs to move on and you need to let him move on and that means leaving him alone.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it seems you still harbour feelings for him as well otherwise why would you be "thinking of him" and sending him messages.
Thanks for replying.

Well it's him that contacts me aswell.. we do so only every 6 months or so sometimes longer. I'm in WA and he's in QLD has been for years. We rarely talk any more i'd hate to completely cut him out of my life... i've tried hard to never have conversations with him about our past or any of that just the normal how are you's and how's the weather kind of stuff but he totally brought this up out of the blue! He's never done this before EVER since we broke up all those years ago! Not even hinted at it. I'm kind of worried about him really. I've never strung him along.. i told him i did love him but that i'm married and happy now and i want him to be happy with his girlfriend but he seems really destressed. He said all these things about how he messed up his whole life by not being with me and that his life sucks and stuff. I'm assuming there is more to the story but i don't know.. I'm super worried i don't want him to do anything stupid. I don't think i could never speak to him again though but maybe i'll just try and avoid talking to him too much the next few weeks i guess.

I guess i just wish my leaving him hadn't hurt him so much. I feel bad i never really thought he cared that much
[Edited on 11/03/2008]

jamie 6yrs dylan 3yrs davan 18mths No4 EDD 11.9.09

i understand where your comin from im sort of in the same position i dont know what too do either its possible too love 2 ppl but its impossible too make everyone happy...


rachel...

Think the more time that has gone by since this happened the more annoyed i am at him! So frustrating that he's done this just to stuff with my head! He sent me more messages the other day saying basically he didn't want anything to come from it cause it's too late now but he still said the stuff he said so what the h*ll am i supposed to do with that!! grrrr I just want to focus on my marriage and get on with my life. I know what you mean about the not making everyone happy.. it really sux! Plus so frustrated aswell cause found out that this guys long time girlfriend years ago when she found out about me and my ex tried to seduce my husband! grr that was sooooo annoying! Only found that out by acident last night, hubbie swears he didn't do anything. That just throws me so off course.
Oh well.. guess i'll just have to try and pretend this week didn't happen hey sad might be easier that way

jamie 6yrs dylan 3yrs davan 18mths No4 EDD 11.9.09

ive had simalar situation it f u c k i n g sucks... well one of my ex's umm well i cant say she was he gf cause they didnt end up together really and she said it was because of me in away cause he is really messed up by me and doesnt know what he wants cause all he really wants is me... it kinda hurts when i hear that stuff but sumtimes i just think oh he just is f u c k i n g with my head... its just all confusin and you dont know what too do cause really you wanna stay with the father of your children but you wanna be happy well thats my situaution n e ways...

You know what? I totally know where you are coming from. But the thing is maybe if he did have you thing would have been different. He might just been saying all those things cos he had a bad day with his gf and then he thought of you.

2 years ago i was in a relationship and my ex started calling me everyday and then i went to see him once cos he was upset and he told me that he still have feelings for me and loves me and he only ever loved me blah blah blah you know how it goes. So i broke up with my then bf and decided to be with him because i didnt want to look back and then what would my life be if i was with him? well guess what? two years later we have a 8 months old son and im constantly agruing with him and hating my life and regret ever giving him another chance because all he does is hurt me and its so hard for me to leave him cos we have a son together. I rarely pass a day where i dont cry myself to sleep.

So dont regret not being with him i know that feeling but if your husband is treating you right and you are happy then you know you made the right decision.

yeah i think thats what makes me stay in this realtionship cause i have my DS too him and i know he treats me good and if i was too leave him for my ex nothin would be good me and my ex attempted the gf bf thing twice and both didnt last more then 3 months and DP that im with who i have my son too took me back both times soo he is silly but im very lucky we didnt have DS when all that went on but... but i still wonder what it would be like with my ex but deep down i know it would be shit but i still cant help but wonder...

That sounds very similar to what i used to do. I'm lucky my now husband always would take me back too... dunno why. Anyway my ex still messages me every so often now but he hasn't mentioned it in ages.. he's been very normal again now so i'm thinking it was just a bad week for him or something who knows. I must now be the dumping zone for men having a bad time with there women or something grr darn men.. just started another thread about my latest craziness of a different friend.. my best male friend to be exact jumping me! like wtf! We're never had anything there other than kissing each other hello and goodbye and then he tries all this cr*p on me! Darn men!! grrr

jamie 6yrs dylan 3yrs davan 18mths No4 EDD 11.9.09

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