Huggies Forum

I think I need help. Rss

Hi Girls, I've been out of circulation for a while, but now I'm feeling a bit lost in my life and have returned the wonderful group of girls in the Huggies forum for some honest and compasionate advice.

As you may or may not remember, a few months ago, I meantioned that my mother in-law was coming to stay for 3 months. Well she's been here a month now. This woman is incredibly irritating and in 10 years, this is the first time I've really met her. Her and my husband hadn't been speaking for almost 20 years when I told him he should write to her and let her know of the birth of our first son (now 3).

Anyway, (sorry of all this background, it's going to read like a novel by the time I'm done), when she made contact, I convinced him to try and rekindle their relationship, and hence the visit for 3 months, after 3 years of telephone calls and post cards.

BUT, in between it all, we've been renovating, I've been doing the whole work and kids juggling act (2 boys 15 mnths apart), my brother is a drug addict and his wife a bi-polar drug addict who have dumped their 3 kids on my parents (my only support network and causing deep feelings of sadness for my nephews and niece and dissapointment for my brother, and worry for my parents in their 60s)

Anyway, since the mother in law has moved in it's been hell. My already turbulent marriage seems to be falling apart before my eyes. I can't stand the sight of the woman and I can't help it (I want to help it) and I'm feeling like my mental health is falling apart and I'm losing all control and confidence in myself.
My husband thinks there is "something wrong with me" but all I want is some time alone with my family without this nutty, diva, hopeless, asskissing woman in my face trying to take over everything all the time... GRRRRRR !!!

Now I'm drinking every night, wanting to move out and find my own place for just me and my boys.

I'm lost, feeling out of control and desperate. I'm normally such a happy, bubbly person.... but now I'm just a mess. A train wreck. Can someone please tell me whats wrong with me?????????

Sorry, here I am harping on again., but I wanted to meantion that my friends think I might have post natal depression.... but I don't have a problem with my kids. I think I might have depression, but I also have a history of not giving myself enough credit (another thing my husband thinks I need help about...low self esteem).

I'm beginning to think I have some serious mental disorder, like my sister in law. I'm really struggling here. Should I see my GP first or go straight for counselling. God I hope there is someone out there who can give me advice.

hi there...well im pretty sure, but not certain, you have to see your GP before seeing a counsellor anyway. Even if thats not the case, definately go and see your gp anyway. And if youre sure its not postnatal depression, which doesnt sound like it is (In my humble opinion) then make sure you dont let the doctor tell u it is.

I think whats wrong with you is stress!! Having someone you barely know intrude on your life in an already stressful time would be very hard. Do you trust her enough to babysit while you and husband go out and have some dinner, have a chat about whats going on??

About your mother and father having to have the responsibility of their grandchildren, im not sure theres anything you can do yourself, unless you want to involve yourself in getting their parents some help. But of course its not as easy as that. That would be very hard for everyone involved, emotionally. I cant imagine what it would be like. Very heartbreaking.

You dont have a mental disorder lol. I think you just need some time out away from everything, can MIL stay somewhere else for any of the time? In a hotel room over a weekend or something? I know that would be extremely hard to broach that subject but for your sanity perhaps you need to ask hubby to persuade her to 'try out' somewhere nice.

Or even if you and the kids go away for the weekdn somewehre! If you can afford it that is lol

I feel for you and i really dont know what to say but wanted to let you know someone was here for you!
so if youre around, id love to hear back from you.
xxxxxxx

I have 3 boys!!!

Thank you so much Lucy.
To answer a few of your questions, my MIL can't handle both my kids (barely one) she lost them both at the local shops because they walked off in seperate directions and she panicked and ended up walking back into the shop where my husband was and asking for help. She's a strange one.... really.

I know that if I suggested she move out for the weekend, I would be deemed as being the "bee eye tea sea haych" from hell.
When I even hint at this, I'm told by my husband that I'm intolerant and need help.

I have thought of staying away with my kids, and now that you've meantioned it, I might just do that over the christmas hols (early Jan.. for my birthday even).

It feels SO GOOD to know that your there for me. Thankyou.
It makes me feel more like a human and less like a monster.

I will go to my GP though (my god, I'm grinding my teeth down to the gums over this... seriously).

sorry i wrote a reply but my computer stuffed up and i had to start again!
I went to my gp a couple of months ago coz i was depressed and he told me it was PND cozi stayed at home with the kids full time, but i onyl think it was part that, it was alot to do with my relationship aswell. Just go along to your gp and explain theres alot going on in your life and you dont know how to deal with it all and he/she should take the lead. ITs nothing to be scared or ashamed about.
Make the appointment tomorrow!

Does hubby even listen to you when you talk?? Youre no monster, just human! ITs a shame your MIL is an incompetent babysitter, i think u guys need time out!!

If you can go away for a weekend or something, then DO IT! it will save your sanity i think.

Anyway sorry the msg got to you late, the first one i wrote was way better. Stupid computer lol.
And for the record, youre strong than me. Im annoyed by the fact MIL wants us to stay over xmas eve, let alone living with me haha
Take care xxx

I have 3 boys!!!

I think you're right. I'm sorry my reply is late also, got talking to my DH. Your right about it all.
I will make an appointment with my GP tomorrow. There's so much going on in my head at the moment, and I'm not sure where it's all coming from. But MIL doesn't help.
I certainly don't feel strong though. But thanks for your support Lucy. I really really appreciate it.
I'm going to bed now. I'm feeling soooo exhausted.

Hi Mez,

I'm sorry to hear what an awful time you are going through at the moment.

It sounds like you tried to do the right thing by both your DH and MIL (reconnecting them) and unfortunately it has backfired and blown up in your face.

having people stay with you at anythime can be stressful - let alone all the other circumstances that are impacting your situation - your family, renovating, working, etc. My guess is that what your feeling has nothing to do with PND - it is simply stress, anxiety, depression about the whole situation.

It's a such a shame that your DH is not showing you any support and seems to actually be making you feel worse and blaiming you. You deserve better than this!

If you can't get away with the kids - perhaps suggest DH and MIL go away together for a long weekend for some quality "bonding time". Make it about being in their best interest rather than yours and they may be more receptive?? Of course the end result for you is still some much needed time out!!

Do you have friends nearby you could meet for coffee and vent to? Doing some stuff that is just for you might help you get through the next few weeks without the need for alcohol or medication?!

Goodluck with it all and let us know how you go..

Take care,

Reb

Hi there, i just want to let you know that you are not the only one and i 100% feel for you right now
My Father-in-law came over from Oz to stay with us for A MONTH! firstly, we have a 6 month old (she was 5 months at the time), we have just bought our first home, we live off one income, My partner had not seen his father in 10 years, he is still an alcoholic, drugie and gambler, to top it off he stunk as he was having withdrawls from not smoking or drinking and before he turned up, i had been to see my GP about maybe having PN depression as my partner thought i was crazY!!
So... I went and bought some vitamin B (Stress relief) I am one that needs my quality time with just me and my partner and our daughter and if i was feeling down i just wanted a cuddle or reassurance from my partner but coz his father was here, we had none of that so that upset and made me go even more in-sane!, but unfortunately during this time i had to be strong, i woke up every morning, going about my house like he wasn't even there, did the vacuuming (while he was asleep), washing etc because at the end of the day, it is your house and your life and we can't afford to stop our daily routines for some unthoughtful FIL/MIL!! I told my partner that i was stressed and needed his help as much as possible, i went away with my daughter for 3 nights and before i knew it, my FIL was gone. Another thing is, although everyone lives differently, one thing is that one day, rat shit to say but when their on there death bed they will thank you for the wonderful time they spent with you and your family and watched how you live.. Everyone deserves a chance (they seem annoying now, but in the long run, it pays off)
first go and get blood tests, i have an underactive thyroid and i am a woman posessed if not medicated, it is horrendous, tired cranky, lethargic weight gain, cold hands a nd feet are some symptoms. if bloods come back you are ok, i also recommend the tablets callsd 30+ they are my lifesaver, you don't have to be 30 to take them, they have everything in it you will need, do a google search to find out more info (30 plus) Lisa curry-kenny endorses the product, men swear by them. Yes you are going through a very stressful time with your own family let alone MIL in the mix, so definately get bloods first off and go from there.. good luck.
first go and get blood tests, i have an underactive thyroid and i am a woman posessed if not medicated, it is horrendous, tired cranky, lethargic weight gain, cold hands a nd feet are some symptoms.


omg always awake i hear you on this one! mine has been REALLY over, then swung UNDER, but now it is under control.... so honey i think it is a good idea to get it checked out! i dont think you are going crazy, but definately need some down time with yourself!

oh you poor thing mez. i know what you are going through. my mother in law came to stay for 3 days and ended up staying for three months!

i had a new baby at the time and i became so depressed and just wanted her gone. it was so difficult with her around taking over everything and, i too, felt like my mental health and relationship was falling apart. she was moving furniture around and taking over everything! i felt like running away with my baby and leaving. it wasn't until i was at breaking point, bursting into tears and telling my partner that i would have to leave with the baby for my own sanity that he sat up and listened to me. it was ok for him having her there cause he was never home!!!

your mother in law NEEDS TO MOVE OUT. your hubby needs to listen to you and make her GO!

make sure you go to your doctor and let her or him know exactly how you are feeling. ask your doctor to maybe speak to your hubby if he won't listen to you.

good luck. let me know how you go.

Hey Mez, how is it going hon? hope things are looking a bit better for you - how did you go with the doctor??? I think it would be great for you to get away for a few days with the kids, got someone you can visit or somewhere you can go? and if it causes an issue about you going just say you want to give your MIL and DH some time together as you are sure they have lots to talk about without the interruption of the kids tongue

Tell your DH how you are feeling or if he wont listen write it down - might help you to understand yourself and you dont have to get "into it" with DH, let him read it and then later you can talk about it. I hope things are okay.

Leigha''s little men smile

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